Doper Named Business Opportunities

Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
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Inspired by Geobabe’s ‘Surefire Money Maker’ thread, what business opportunities do you see amongst the Doper screen names? For example:

Geobabe’s Global Sexual Positioning Satellite Service - Want to try a new position but you’re not sure how and your copy of the ‘Kama Sutra’ is 2000 miles away? Simply punch the position number into your Portable Position Module (with Very Graphic Interface), crawl under the Go Anywhere, Battery Operated Light Unit with your partner, and let Geobabe show you the way! Simply put the appropriate body part where the corresponding light shines and, Presto!, you’re making whoopie!

Need help making your humble abode into your dream home? Come see us at Esprix Decor. Don’t forget to ask for the ‘men in uniform’ discount.

Of course, afterward you’ll want to stop for a refreshing beverage and witty reparte at Uncle Beer’s Roadside Tavern, proudly serving Homebrew Ales.

Got a need to play unusual music? Visit Ukulele Ike’s House of Misunderstood Instruments where all our instruments are used, some better than others.

I know there are others, let’s here 'em.

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For the gamblers - Omniscient’s Surefire Shoo-in of the Week.

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jarbabyj’s House 'O Hand Tools. All that the discriminating hand tooler yearns for, under one roof. The list is way too big to mention here, and besides, this ain’t The Pit. :smiley:

CrankyAsAnOldMan’s Preparation H Hut. This endearing little kiosk stocks over 1,200 different KINDS of Preparation H. Handy spiral bound manual assists the novice in application, endurance and clean-up.

GingerOfTheNorth’s Maison du Frommage. Everything in cheeses, in this quaint chalet. Including her world-famous home-made "Frommage aux Chocolat".
Billdo’s Casino and House of Chance. You love Hearts? Or, alternately, do you love Hearts? How about a nice friendly hand of Hearts? C’mon, pull up a stool and play some Hearts, why doncha? Newcomers welcome, with valid Visa Card[sym]ä[/sym]. :wink:
gobear’s gym, sauna and fresh veggie juice bar. Where the neat and elite meet and greet the petit wearing cleats. Bring your own towel and a 5 lb. bag of whole carrots for a discount on membership. Dopers get the usual 65% discount.

Ukelele Ike’s Canal Jeans Company. Yes, return to the days of yesteryear when that name MEANT something. Peruse the aisles for slightly tattered yet otherwise very serviceable sports jackets, denim pants, navy pea coats ( I got mine in 1981 for FIVE DOLLARS!!!), army boots and spare gas masks. See how many different colored checkerboard buttons with the company name YOU can collect !!

TubaDiva’s House 'O Horns.. Where being Amisher doesn’t mean dressing plainly. ( :smiley: ) Stop by and perfect the art of the lip, the fingertip, and the platinum tie clip. Classes in jazz, blues, marching band, orchestral maneuvers in the dark and drool control offered monthly. Check their handy web site, at TubaGoddess for details… :cool: November’s Debate Topic:" White plastic or brass? Whose Tuba is da Groovah? "

Cartooniverse’s Velcro Academy. Dopers from many disciplines have found the nine-week intensive course in Velcro Management to be helpful. Be you an artist, firefighter, parent of pre-shoelace kids, neurosurgeon, tap dancer, computer scientist, fast food fryer or professional private dancer :eek:, this Academy offers something for you. Graduates leave with a handsome certificate suitable for framing embroidered in soft-side Velcro. It gives the graduates name, along with the school motto:

[sym]F[/sym] The Artist Formerly Known as Cartooniverse

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More, more! Keep 'em coming!

Y’all come on over to the SouthernStyle BBQ Palace where possum is still king! We don’t limit ourselves, though. If’n you can drag it in, we’ll BBQ it in 30 minutes or less, guaranteed! All plates include cheese grits and sweet tea.

Spectre of Doom hanging over your head? Too close to dirt napping for comfort? Who you gonna call? Death-stalker! For a reasonable fee, we’ll hunt down and eliminate your personal Grim Reaper. If you die while we’re on the job, just present this coupon (in person) and we’ll cheerfully refund your money!

Did Death-stalker fail you? Looking to collect on that money back guarantee? Call me, Speaker for the Dead and I’ll act as your earthly agent. All cases handled on a contingency basis.

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Need a little “frontier justice”? A few dirty deeds done dirt-cheap? Call Gunslinger, six-gun for hire.

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Oooo, ow, pain, hurts laughing so hard… :wink:

Esprix

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Racinchikki’s house of unstealable Car Stereo’s and Mardi gras beads!! now witrh added unstealability!!

Ask about our Gunslinger’s Frontier justice refund option!!
and to blow my own trumpet, Now introducing
Twisty’s Jar opening service!, incorporating Beeropeners-r-us
[sub](a division of Global Hyperdyme Defense Ststems Inc.)[/sub]