It’s common for parents to treat their offspring as younger than they really are, so I’m curious how much.
If you have a 25-year old son or daughter, do you view them as 19?
How old are they in your heart?
My daughter is 31. I find that my perception of her age fluctuates wildly. Sometimes she’s older than I am. Sometimes she’s twelve. It’s an interesting question; I don’t think of my friends as being of any particular age, unless they are much younger or much older than I am. But I met them all as adults.
My daughter is different than that, but it is slippery. I certainly don’t think of her as an adolescent. But sometimes it surprises me how old she is. Of course, I also am surprised at how old I am, on a daily basis.
“It’s common for parents to treat their offspring as younger than they really are, so I’m curious how much.” Is it? My daughter will be turning 40 next year and I can’t think of an instance when I treated her younger than she really was. That’s not to say she didn’t act immature sometimes, I think most of us do, but why would I treat her as a child when she wasn’t? I don’t agree with your premise.
My kids are in their 30’s, I think of them as in their 30’s.
Except when I dream, then they’re generally pre-adolescents again.
My kids are all now in their 30s. I don’t think I treat them as children, in terms of demanding or forbidding anything. On the other hand, I do feel that a parent’s responsibility to teach his children never ends, so I often do make suggestions and offer ideas that they might not have thought of. Very often, they DID think of that, and I’m always impressed by how well they’ve considered their options (even when I disagree with them).
We’ve always been very close with our kids, visiting each other frequently. Once, when my oldest grandchild was several months old, I made this comment to my mother about the grandchild’s parents:
“Mom, I KNOW they are married. I was at their wedding! I’ve been in their home! They’ve been here! They have a kid! Of course they’re grownups! But sometimes, I look at them, and I just can’t shake the feeling that they’re playing ‘house’.”
She cracked up laughing. ROFL, before such acronyms were a thing.
And then I asked, “It never goes away, does it?” Hilarity ensued.
I don’t treat him younger (I never have, no matter his age), but in my heart he fluctuates between all of the ages. Age 7 seems to be the little guy who shows up most often, for some reason.
My son is 15 and, even though he’s almost 5 inches taller than me and his voice is deeper than his dad’s, I still see his face overlaid with his five year old self. And my daughter, who is 12, I still feel her buttery soft arms around my neck from when she was 3.
Sometimes I start treating my son like he’s younger than he is. As our firstborn, I think he got the worst of us (our neurotic, trying-to-be-perfect-parents selves) and the best of us (undivided attention) and every month seems to bring with it new territory. Staying out late, running all over the place by himself, riding in cars driven by other kids. Simply terrifying. But as scary as it is, I make myself take a step back and trust him because a) he’s given me no reason not to and b) he can’t exercise responsible behavior if I don’t let him. It happens but I force myself to let go, even though sometimes it makes me nervous as hell.
Yes, is it? When I was a child my father would often be harsh when I did something wrong but then apologize. He claimed that the fact that I was smart and had a huge vocabulary would make him keep forgetting that I was only six or seven and would still naturally do some of the unwise things you’d expect six or seven-year-olds to do. I don’t think this ever changed once I was an adult…
My experience is similar. As far as I can tell, my parents treated me in an age-appropriate manner when I was small, but when I was about 12 they started treating me as if I were 20 or so, and have continued that way until very recently (I’m 50). My husband used to be astounded that they’d treat him like a fellow adult and me like a newly independent one without perceiving the difference. This is frequently expressed as surprise when I do something competent (chopping vegetables was one example I remember distinctly: this is not a remarkable skill in a 30-year-old).
Same as QtM - kids in 30s, I think of them same. Tho at times I marvel that I likely was as clueless about so many things when I was younger!
I was talking to my dad the other day and I ranted how “I’m a 40-[redacted] man and I shouldn’t have to blah blah whatever …” I could hear him audibly double take over the phone and he said he couldn’t have a kid that old.
Maybe not universally, but I’ve known plenty of anecdotes from various nations/cultures of people whose parents refused to treat them their age. I’m 34 and my mother still sometimes treats me as if I’m 14. It can be pretty maddening.
I have two sons who are only 14 months apart. Growing up they were like having delayed twins they were so close to each other. They are now past their middle 30’s and I treat them age appropriately, I hope. I try not to give too much wise fatherly advice because I have led a careful life and I am not sure that is the right way for them. “I am going to quit my steady millwright job and go fishing in Alaska this summer!” Sure I say, go for it, take a chance that I would not take, might turn out better.
But when I dream of them they are always about 10 years old. That fun age when they were up to do anything, hunting, fishing, clam digging, camping, those were the years.
Probably reading too much into this, but are you treating them age appropriately because they’re in their thirties, now, or because one is fourteen months older than the other?
I’m sure you meant the former, bit it reads (to me, anyway) like the latter.
My father’s 23. She lives at home, so that delays changes in your relationship. She’s also autistic and in many ways younger than her age, though that’s not why she lives at home - that’s mainly a living in an expensive city thing.
I am still totally aware of her age. We have similar interests, and I was a young mum, so now we have some crossovers in acquaintance.
But she’s my baby, always will be. I’ll always look after her more than ever other adult. At Christmas, she gets a stocking and an advent calendar, at Easter she gets an Easter egg. Always, these days, a nice grown up style version of each, plus the Cadbury advent calendar and Buttons Easter eggs, the cheap ones.
I know her age and also know that she’s my child, and that’s not the same as just being two people who know each other.
My kid is 20 and fully independent. I told her that I’m out of the telling her what to do business, but as her father, I will always be in the telling her how to do it business. She laughed and said that’s fair.