Speedy, the liveliest of my Sea Monkeys, has gotten himself trapped inside of a sunken ship.
For those of you unfamiliar with the Sea Monkeys Ghostly Galleon[sup]TM[/sup], it’s a standard Sea Monkey habitat with small glow-in-the-dark plastic sailing ship sunk to the bottom of it. The side of the craft bears a ragged hole, suggesting very small pirates who ran aground while transporting pillaged plutonium.
Ever curious, Speedy managed to find his way into that hole in the ship’s side and, lacking a brain of any consequence, hasn’t quite grasped “backwards” yet. Adding insult to injury I may have accidently blinded Speedy while shining a laser pointer through the ship to locate him.
Rescue efforts have thus far all failed. Even the drinking straw.
All of Speedy’s aquatic friends are beside themselves with worry. Bonkers has stopped slamming his head against the side of the aquarium and is now slamming his head against the floor. Susan is so sick with worry she can’t even bring herself to eat her young.
So please pray for Speedy. I’ll keep you informed of his condition.
What’s wrong with a kiss, Inky? Why not start Speedy off with a nice kiss? You don’t have to go leaping for the drinking straw like a bull at a gate. Give your Sea Monkey a kiss, Inky.
May I just say
BBWWWWWAAHAAAAAAAAAAAA!
At that incredible use of Monty Python humor combined with a Sea-Monkey felching joke. THAT, is some seriously funny shit.
Nice to meet you, St. Attila. You rock.
Poor Speedy! As a lifelong sea monkey fan (I love their mono-teeth and flip hairdos!), I am crouched before my statue of Kuan Yin, praying mightily for Speedy’s rescue (this has the earmarks of another Halvsie thread).
Have you tried turning your sea monkey aquarium upside-down and soaking Speedy and his pals up with a kitchen sponge?
Inky, it is pretty uncommon that a post actually makes me laugh out loud, but yours did, a few times. The absolute best was “she can’t even bring herself to eat her young.” My thoughts are with your courageous Sea Monkeys in their time of crisis.
I’d like to thank all of you for your support during this ordeal (except for Zenster, who has cooties).
As of this morning, Speedy is still wedged inside the galleon.
For the rescue effort I have been informed that the services of firefighters, The Red Cross and the Army Corps of Engineers will not be available, and that if I keep calling they’ll send Jimmy Carter over to personally break my thumbs.
So, to raise awareness of Speedy’s plight I have decided to throw an all-star benefit concert ala U.S.A. for Africa. To head this effort I hope to enlist Lionel Ritchie (if, that is, I can get past his security guards and the barbed wire).
If any of the musically inclined among us would like to help pen the lyrics to the song, please do.
Thanks
Oh, and Bob Dylan will not be invited to sing if he insists on doing his “Buckwheat” imitation.
That is possible I suppose. He comes from a bit a dysfunctional family.
Speedy’s brother Bonkers for example was named for his sometimes irratating habit of constant bonking into the walls. Brother Randy is well-named for his habit of mating with both his sisters AND his brothers. Brother Axel spins randomly in circles. Sister Flo isn’t quite dead, but merely drifts with the currents. Brother Bob hangs out exclusivly on the surface of the water. And lazy sister Susan doesn’t like to move, and prefers dinner to come to her, usually it’s her kids.
Inky, have you tried just sitting and talking to Speedy. Is it possible that you have somehow hurt Speedy’s feelings and this is its equivalent of hiding in the corner until you say sorry?
Alternatively I would suggest hooking up a pulley system and getting your lego men to raise the ship for a surface rescue.
