Dopers: should I just let getting yelled at work go?

I’ll try not to make this too long but I don’t think that’s possible.

Summary
I got spoken to very harshly today by my office’s managing partner about a situation at work. While I did nothing wrong, the perception was I was unable or, and even worse, unwilling to assist a secretary in procuring loaner equipment for last-minute travel.

Detailed Story
The managing partner’s secretary calls while I’m the other line. I couldn’t click over so she had me paged. I email her to tell her I’m on the other line and to ask what’s up. She replies to tell me she, a group of attorneys and two other secretaries are traveling this Friday and will need loaner laptops. I ask how many she needs and she says three. I advise her I only have one, but would be willing to configure it so that multiple people can use Outlook – the primary reason they need a laptop. She replies saying she definitely needs three. I advise her to complete the loaner laptop request form on our firm’s intranet for the other two. At this point, I have to leave me office to do check a backup server in our LAN room.

In the space of fifteen minutes, the secretary has emailed me to tell me she will complete the form but the last time she did that no one saw it or responded to it until it was too late. She says she was also told she has to call and email the team that configures and sends loaner laptops whenever she submits a form. She also emailed me to ask a question about the form. As I was not in my office and T-Mobile’s experiencing severe delays with data relay, I did not get the email messages on my Blackberry device.

While I’m out of my office, the secretary has me paged. Before I can respond to the page, two other people have me paged; the office manager and another partner with whom I’m working on a completely different, but time-sensitive, matter. I call the office manager back, who had me paged from my office, incidentally, and she says she wants to talk to me about the loaner laptop ‘issue’. I tell her I’ll meet her in her office. I call the secretary back, but it goes straight to her voicemail. I call the other partner back who paged me and update him on his issue.

I go see the office manager and she wants to know why the secretary who’s requesting loaner laptops has to complete a form. I advise her that’s the procedure. She asks if I can complete the form. I advise her I cannot. She than asks if she can complete the form. I advise her I don’t know, but she’s more than welcome to give it a whirl. She asks where the form is and I direct her to it on our Intranet. She then asks if I can call to the team who deals with loaner-laptop requests to see if they have the requested number of units. I tell her to call them, put the call on speaker phone and I’ll see. We call, get no answer and have a member of the team paged. While we’re waiting for her to respond to the page, the administrative partner walks in, closes the door, tells the office manager to mute the call she’s on lays into me.

He asks me if I told his secretary to ‘fill out a form to get a laptop’. I tell him yes, I did direct her to complete the necessary form to request the two laptops I didn’t have to give her. He tells me that she called the loaner laptop team to request the laptops and her request was denied because secretaries don’t get loaner laptops. She then called the Administrative big wig (pretty much as far up the admin latter as you can go) to tell him she couldn’t get the laptops. He tells her she doesn’t know why she’s getting this run-around and he’ll take care of it. He tells me about a minute later she got a call back advising her the loaner laptops would be configured and sent this afternoon. He tells me that I’m not the one scrambling to make hotel reservations, I’m not the one trying to make last-minute travel arrangements and I’m not the one who’s going to have to work over what should be a vacation weekend. He tells me I should not have directed her to complete a form and that I should have been the one to make the calls to get the loaner laptops squared away. Furthermore, it is my job to make sure that last-minute loaner-laptop requests are taken care of from now on.

At first, I explained to him that the team that handles that request will not make a move to get laptops configured and sent without having the form completed. He cuts me off and tells me millions of dollars of fees are at stake here and his secretary doesn’t have time to sit and ‘fill out forms’. I tell him that’s the only way that team will complete the request. He cuts me off and goes on about how I should have been the one to get this done, not his secretary. When he was finished I said nothing but gave him an ‘is that all’ look and walked out of the office manager’s office. She, by the way, said nothing during this whole thing.

When I got back to my office there was a flurry of email messages about loaner laptop request and who was handling what. In every single one of them, the secretary was advised they needed her to complete the form.

I called my husband to tell him what happened and he was livid. He says I need to send an email to my boss (the asst director of IT) and cc the office manager and managing partner advising them that what happened was not my fault and that I should not have been spoken to in such a manner for following procedure and doing my job. Furthermore, I wasn’t even given enough time to respond to anything as I wasn’t in my office. Also, this isn’t the first time the managing partner has spoken harshly to/yelled at me about something that wasn’t my fault.

As to what I think, I’m torn. On one hand I feel as though I should just let it go. So he’s under a lot of pressure and saw me and unloaded. True, that’s not exactly kosher and it did piss me off but it’s not like he called me a racist or sexist name. People get yelled at everyday and I’m not thin-skinned. He’ll get over it and so will I. Plenty of other people will vouch for me and think I walk on water. I go above and beyond my job description and get things done.

On the other hand, this was not my fault. I didn’t drop the ball. I asked the secretary to complete the form because that’s what she’s supposed to do. It is her job to reserve supplies for her attorneys and, in this case, herself for travel. I wasn’t even given enough time to do anything about anything because this all happened in the span of fifteen minutes. Other people who are configuring the laptops told her the same thing – they need her to complete the form. Why should I be thought of as unwilling to lend assistance when the heat was on? I told her what she needed to do to get the ball rolling. Based on the bad reputation of another team, she called, was denied and then escalated it until the matter was resolved in her favor. I don’t want this to reflect on my review. My husband seems to feel this guy yells at me (I’d say he’s raised his voice to me about five times since I’ve been here) because he feels he can. He treats his associates this way, too. Every female associate he’s had working for him has left the firm.

I understand what the perception is and I also understand that perception is reality. I recognize that being told to complete a form seems asinine when they just want a couple of damned laptops. However procuring laptops for travel is, indeed, the job of the traveling attorney’s secretary. The last time a group of attorney’s had to travel last minute to a different continent (!) the loaner laptop team wouldn’t even begin to configure the laptop until they had the form. Once the form was submitted, I stayed in the office until 9 o’clock that night to ensure once the laptop came it was configured correctly (that team has a bad rep of half doing things) and the people using it were given a crash course.

Oh, and one more piece of the puzzle. As a child, I was abused physically by my step-father. I only bring this up because my husband seems to think that I assumed a lot of the blame for the abuse and that this carries over into my situation with this partner. While I have no problems defending and standing up for myself at work, I’m a choose-your-battles kind of gal. This guy, however, is very much like my step-father, physically. It bothers me that he intimidates me as I’ve learned to be tough and strong. He’s just like him, though, in that he doesn’t want to hear what I have to say, turns red when he’s yelling (well, raising his voice, really) at me, cuts me off while I’m talking and then walks away when he’s done, even if I’m in mid-sentence.

Question
So, I should just let this go, right?

No.

I would not let this go. However, it sounds as though you know how to respond appropriately and have dealt with such problems in the past. Best of luck, and let us know how it goes.

Ay, caramba. There’s too much technology in this story! Seriously, these devices are supposed to help us, yet you wound up spending all sorts of time responding to pages, leaving voice mails, etc.

Goodness.

I think everyone in this situation that you dealt with was having the situational “EVERYTHING NEEDS TO BE DONE FIVE MINUTES AGO” bug. And you were on the brunt end of it. Urgency is fine, and is sometimes necessary, but I wouldn’t characterize what you told us you did as being anything less than professional.

You don’t have to make a huge deal out of it, but it wouldn’t necessarily be bad form after the fact to somehow pass along the message that you didn’t appreciate being treated that way when you were, in fact, trying to get the job done. Hopefully when cooler heads prevail, they will see that.

No.

You performed your job and reacted as quickly as the information you had and the policies you’d been taught were allowed and you were none the less treated as though you had not perfomed your job.

Thus you need to make absolutely sure whether anyone attempts to put anything negative from this incident into your personel file, you need to make sure your supervisor is aware of your side of the situation.

Then get your resume together and get it out there. Whether you actively persue something or not is up to you, but you need to know what other options are out there. You do not need to be working for someone who triggers you, no matter how well you’re able to supress those triggers because of the work you have done since.

What more is there to do? Boiling down what appeared to be a somewhat overly elaborate description, the crux of your problem appears to be this: 1) secretary asks for laptop(s); 2) procedure is to fill out a form to get them; 3) you told secretary this; 4) you got yelled at for this.

It appears to me that you already made your position clear in the conversations you had with every party. In this situation, I would be really irritated if I received an email from someone babbling on about how someone told them X, to which they responded “No, Y,” and then nothing further happened.

You are correct; keep the thick skin and let it go. I think you quite likely come out looking like a whiney snot if you bring this up again (unless it is raised again in a different context by someone else that requires a response). This type of thing is a normal everyday minor corporate clash in a lot of business settings, and if someone sent a letter to the president ccing the COO, CFO, Comptroller, and Vice-President in charge of vending machines everytime something like this happened, no real work would every get done.

Yeah. Did you get the memo – we’re putting coversheets on the TPS reports now. I’ll make sure you get another copy of that. Great.

HBell no, you don’t let it go! You ought to lay pout a polite but firm e-mail, CC’d to HR and your boss, that you were following procedure and that you will not tolerate being treated in such an unprofessional manner for doing your damned job. Nobody is allowed to yell at you or demean you at work. Period.

I would send email to all the relevant bosses, asking for guidance in how to handle the situation in the future. Explain that to the best of your knowledge, the procedure for getting laptops from the Laptop Team is X, but your attempts to follow said procedure during a time-sensitive emergency were clearly dissatisfactory to administrative partner Y, so what should you do differently in the future? Make sure to cc: the person who sets the policies for laptop request forms or whatever.

Administrative partner Y was obviously using you as a convenient target to vent his frustruations at the stupid laptop procedure (which sounds stupid to me too, by the way), which puts you in an no-win situation. By asking for clarification, you’ll get the discussion back in the hands of the people who actually set the rules. If it turns out the rules are going to stay the same, you can point to this when you’re yelled at in the future.

(AugestWest, you beat me to it.)

No, don’t let this go. This isn’t the first time this guy has yelled at you, and it won’t be the last. I left my last job due to a co-worker treating me like this, and I was able to get employment insurance because the government agreed with me that this is not acceptable treatment at work.

What I should have done differently, and what you should do now, is stand up assertively but not confrontationally to this guy and say something like, “I can see you’re upset, but I don’t deserve being talked to like that.”

Or quit. But don’t let it go, because it sends the message that treating you without respect is acceptable, and you will not feel good about yourself.

No, you shouldn’t let it go. You shouldn’t make a federal case of it, but you should let them know that being screamed at for not helping, when in fact you were doing your best to help while still doing your regular, time-sensitive work, is not kosher. I would also ask them which part of your regular work they feel you should let slide so that you can drop everything to deal with the paperwork for loaner laptops.

Normally, since this isn’t typical behavior for your manager and he’s in something of a stress situation, I’d tell you to leave it alone. But this whole “my secretary doesn’t have time to fill out forms, but you do” stuff really chaps my ass. I mean, she’s a secretary; that’s what she does. Besides, if the woman has time to call you, and email you, and page you, and otherwise ride your ass about this form, she’s clearly got time to fill out the form and then ride the asses of the people who actually control the laptops.

I would have told you to shrug it off as brief jerky behavior, except for the quote above. It sounds like he has a pattern of verbal inappropriateness. I hope you find a new job. When you do I hope you consider bringing this up at your exit interview.

I agree with the others who said that you need to set the record straight. Furthermore, it seems to me that the villain in this piece is the secretary who was in charge of procuring the laptops. According to you, she knew the procedure on getting the laptops; she just didn’t feel like following procedure and thought she’d dump the problem on you. Has she pulled stunts like this in the past? Your post was so informative that except for the last paragraph, I’d use the entire post to state your side. In addition, the partner who chastized you needs an attitude adjustment. It sounds outrageous that he can run people out of your organization with no repercussions. You need a new job.

And you know else chaps my ass about this situation? This whole “oh, my poor secretary has to do so much today and work over the weekend” bullshit. 'Cause that’s exactly what it is: bullshit. When she hired into the organization, she knew that making all necessary arrangements for business trips was part and parcel of the job. That includes making last-minute travel and lodging arrangements, and making last-minute equipment arrangements. She also knew that accompanying the lawyers when needed was part and parcel of the job, and that sometimes this would include trips that cover holiday weekends. If doing her job is a problem for her, she needs to find a new job.

It’s distressing, but you have little power and leverage in this scenario. Politely and professionally do what Giraffe said and move on, unless this is the hill you want to die on.

Don’t over analyze it it. People get chewed out everyday by agitated bosses. It sucks, but it’s life.

Another vote for Giraffe’s sensible advice. In the email, use only facts, and no emotive language. Merely acknowledge there was a problem, and that someone was dissatisfied with the current arrangement, so how can the company work out how to improve the procedure.

My guess is that the boss who yelled will be feeling a bit guilty by now, and this may prompt them to apologise or at least reconsider apportioning blame on you.

I don’t agree with this sentiment at all. What we do at work and how we treat others there (co-workers, underlings or bosses) is our responsibility. NObody has the right to treat anybody else with disrespect and hostility, under any circumstances. There are ways of dealing with conflict and stress that are respectful and appropriate.

This will never end and will most likely get worst. Unless you show them that you’re not their bitch…unless you like being the secretary’s bitch 'cause that’s what’s going to happen.

You are not a whinner if you stand up for yourself. It’s not whining to demand to be spoken to in a professional manner. It’s not whinning to request that procedure is followed.

'Cause you know what’s going to happen next, you’ll break procedure for this ‘boss’ and get reemed again; because you broke procedure.

Stand up for yourself and report the guy, with any luck he’ll get THE CALL and a little humble pie never hurt anyone.

Unless you’re worried about losing your job. In that case, lay low and leave when you can. Paying the bills comes first.

luck.

Thanks for the replies, guys. I’ve been busy configuring the laptop that was sent, of course, unconfigured.

My plan is to request more loaner laptops for my office as the two I have aren’t enough. That way, I’ll have enough so that I won’t have to rely on the other team anymore.

As to the yelling business, it doesn’t bother me enough to take it any higher. I think my husband just doesn’t want me getting yelled at for shit that isn’t my fault. I’m with him. What he doesn’t know, though, is higher-up partners pretty much have carte blanche here to do whatever they want. While I won’t go into specifics, I’ve seen worse happen to others with almost no consequences. Trust me, taking this to HR or emailing him with why he was wrong isn’t going to change anything and may even make it worse.

All in all, though, this is a great place to work. In fact, every time something happens that makes this place seem sucky, it’s with him. Meh, you gotta take the good with the bad, I guess.

I’ll be OK. I’m a tough broad and this is nothing compared to other stuff I’ve been though. Plus, I’m on vacation all next week!

Another vote for Giraffe’s advice.

You can’t position this at all as “this wasn’t my fault, it was HER fault.” You can’t even present it simply as “it wasn’t MY fault.” All that’s going to do is get you the reputation as a whiner. I used to work in a very similar environment - not with attorneys but at a major consulting firm - and no amount of putting oneself on the defensive ever worked. You have to do just what Giraffe said: calmly elaborate what happened to the relevant parties, say that you had been told that certain procedures were to be followed, and how should you handle this situation in the future since the agreed-upon method was not satisfactory to the administrative partner and perhaps others in similar situations.

I would also document everything as you did in your OP, make a copy of it, keep an electronic record of it, and have it ready if this should come up on your review. In fact, you may wish to discuss this with the supervisor who is responsible for doing reviews BEFORE the review is done, because in my experience, once they have decided on your “grade” and the resulting salary increase, no amount of explaining is going to make them change it. If they put it in your review, it’s in there forever. You can explain as much as you want, you can add a note to the review - but your review has been done and the pay raise decided upon and there’s not a damn thing you can do to change it.