1001 posts. That’s four digits. I’m now an established regular poster
I’d like my invitation into the Cabal ASAP. I hope there’s no membership fee, coz I’m broke all the time as it is. And I hope there isn’t much paperwork to join, I hate filling out forms. But I have a go-gettem’ attitude, and I’m ready to make fun of newbies and trounce upon their beliefs and values. I’m ready to toss around inside jokes gratuitously, with blatant disregard for the befuddlement this causes to newbies. I’m ready to ignore their stupid GQs. I’m ready to mock them when they come to GD and make their first post “Here’s why homosexuality is immoral…”, or “What’s up with athiests, are these guys all murderers and rapists?” I’m ready to take them to task for going to CS and posting “The official Dave Matthews thread” or “Hey did you see Buffy last week?” I’m ready to mock them when they come to the Pit to rant about something stupid and mundane that happened to them, the account of which better belongs on LiveJournal.
Ladies and gentlemen of the Cabal, I’m ready. Sign me up. I promise to work hard over my tenure here and be worthy of your name, submitting myself to both your accolades and your secret but vengeful wrath.
I hate to tell you, Rex, but as far as I know, you’ve got at least another thousand posts to go. Maybe a lot more than that; the Cabal doesn’t tell me anything.
Now you can get the Straight Dope Credit card and be let in on the secret SDMB “thumb shake”. Access to the “secret forum” for SDMB dating hookups doesn’t start until you’ve reached the 2,000 post mark (why do you think so many dopers get married to each other). At 3,000 posts you can get the SDMB tattoo and a free mug and at 4,000 posts you have your choice of Ukulele Ike singing at your birthday with TubaDiva accompanying or Manhattan attending in a clown suit and insulting guests while making obscene balloon animals (he’s an angry clown). At 5,000 posts you get to edit one off your own posts (only once but it’s quite a thrill)) and at 6,000…well I don’t know that just yet.
Gosh, a thread for heavy hitters, everybody with over a thousand posts.
Except me. Just thought I’d sneak in and see what the big boys do when they’re alone. I promise I won’t tell anybody. I’ll go now, quietly and respectfully, in the time honoured fashion…
Be warned, however, that some folks got into the Cabal by nefarious means. The FCC is working to ferret them out and charge them under the Anti Cabal Piracy Act. If a Cabal member calls you, “me hearty,” just back up and walk away. You don’t want to be standing next to that tree when lightning strikes.
They didn’t say it would be like this when I applied. All they said was that there ‘were some formalities’, and now I don’t even know the way home anymore, I’m a Canadian, I don’t even know what a cabana is, but I have to clean it anyways, and bring drinks, and change the channel on the remote because it’s too much effort for them to do it, and Goddess help us if we aren’t on our toes all the time, and right there when they snap their fingers (I can’t even snap my fingers, do you think they’d tell me now to do it? noooo, of course not), and they make us do everything in miles and Fahrenheit and gallons that are the wrong size, and we’re the replacements when they have appointments with their beauty salons and personal trainers and financial planners, and sometimes they don’t even go to the appointments, but just sit around outside the enclosure and laugh, and when we run errands thay give us bags full of one-dollar bills and we aren’t allowed to keep the change, and then we have to count it when we return, and do you know how hard it is to buy a new computer with one-dollar bills, and then bring it back on the bus?, and then we have to do the laundry, and woe betide us if anything gets in the wrong load or shrinks even a bit, and last week I had to clean out the worm composter, and… <sobs>
