Saw a lot of posts in another thread and wanted to side-thread it a bit:
A lot of Dopers commented that they regretted marrying someone who was unsuitable, or not marrying someone who was indeed suitable. I myself have had several such regrets - I’m still single at 34, but it is because I blew my chance with several women in the past 7 years who would have been suitable mates but in each case I realized it months too late.
What was it that led you to marry a wrong person, or not marry a right person?
I married my ex-wife because we’d had sex before marriage, and in her culture, it was a huge no-no. She told me that no man would want her anymore.
Of course, it is a bit more complicated than that.
I loved her. She was very pretty, funny and could be affectionate. “Could” is the keyword. She had two modes of behaviour : normal and screaming (occasionally hitting and biting). For the longest time, I gave her various excuses. She’d calm down…
… once we get married. Didn’t work.
… once we have kids. Didn’t work.
… once she finds a job. Didn’t work.
I stayed with her for 18 years (married for 15) and by the last 10 years, I was only staying for our daughters. I felt it was the right thing to do : sacrificing my hopes for a better life in exchange for their happiness.
So, to answer your question,
Misplaced guilt.
I married my first wife because at 27 years old I thought it was time to get married. Yes, that was one of the major reasons, and I did everything I could to please her so she would want to marry me. The problem is that you realize at some point it’s a one-way relationship, and you become resentful, but by then, we had a child, and I didn’t want to break up the family, although eventually, I did. All because I thought it was time for me to get married…