How many Dopers were virgins when they were married? Are you glad you waited? Do you wish you had instead “sowed your wild oats” a bit? Dopers that did not wait, do you regret it at all? Are you glad you did not, or are you indifferent about all of it?
:smack:
Although this is a little different, I still feel like a fool for not noticing CanvasShoes thread before posting this one.
I didn’t “sow my wild oats,” but I (er…we) didn’t wait, either. Both hubby and I were virgins when we started dating. We abstained (from intercourse, not all things sexual) for a year and a half, and then just quit resisting. The sexual tension was creating relational problems between us, and we weren’t about to get married just so we could have sex to satisfy our (then) conservative consciences.
The conclusion I drew was simple: I’d rather have sex with the wrong person (protected, of course) than marry the wrong person. Most fortunate for both of us, neither was the case in our situation.
We had a blast embracing our sexuality–still do–and neither of us have ever regretted it.
Do I wish I’d experimented more sexually in my younger days? Eh. I wish I’d been less restrictive and uptight in my attitudes, at least, but I don’t know that I’d want ultimately anything to have changed sexually.
No I did not. And no I do not. If I had, we’d would only have 2 years of fun and experiments under our belt, not 4 1/2.
Personally I think it’s proof that there is some sort of “cosmic consciousness”. I’ve noticed (out in real life too :)), that people seem to bring up similar subjects at similar times.
Have you ever decided to go to a late movie and then you notice that there are a ton of other people who had the same idea?
No. I had trouble holding out for two months with my now ex-fiance. (Not serious trouble, but you know what I mean – on New Year’s, when we’d known each other barely two weeks, I had to shoo him out of my apartment before stuff started happening that I wasn’t quite ready for.)
Of course, I was 25 and given a good opportunity quite eager to Do It. I don’t regret it for a minute, except that we broke up in December and I REALLY miss all of the physical stuff (cuddling, etc) including sex.
Oh well. I survived 25 years of celibacy, I can survive more if I have to!
I had a thread quite similar a few months back shuffles through my old posts
Yeah. So not all of the me stuff is applicable, cause I haven’t moved out yet, and I’ve slept with him, but… anyway, there are some responses for ya.
If you’re talking about intercourse, then I waited until we were engaged.
Did all the heavy petting stuff with previous boyfriends, though.
Do I regret remaining (technically) a virgin? No. Especially since my husband wishes that I had been his first.
I was 19, BTW.
No, I didn’t wait and I don’t wish I had. I have a very wild past and I don’t regret it a moment. It’s never been an issue in our marriage – we both knew what the other had done from very early in the relationship and it was never a BFD.
I suspect though that I would have been less wild if I had come of age in the era of AIDS.
No, I didn’t wait for marriage either time. No, I don’t regret it. I am a firm believer that sexual compatibility is an important aspect of a long-term marriage. I can’t imagine having a life-long marriage with a sexual dud.
Didn’t wait for marriage, as I lost my virginity at the age of 14. Ended up marrying the guy that I lost it to anyway 
Don’t regret a single thing and I’m happy with the choices I’ve made.
Waited until marriage. I’m not the wild oats sort, so I don’t regret it.
All I will say is that the question is a no-no. 
I didn’t, just like everyone else so far in this thread.
However…I hadn’t with my wife yet, so really I had waited. And my wife was a virgin on our wedding night still. And I think it was a mistake to wait, frankly. I don’t want to go into too many details as to why, but suffice it to say we were in marriage counseling after only two months after our wedding on the subject.
After some time I talked to a number of people who had also waited. Some of them were fine, but a lot of them admitted to me that they had had sexual problems too–I’d say about two-thirds of them. Pretty much all of them had waited for religious reasons (Is there any other reason to do so? I can’t imagine otherwise), and all the people who admitted to having problems at the outset said the same thing to me–after years of being told sex was bad, that lusts were to be avoided, etc. etc., they couldn’t get that belief out of their heads after the wedding night. No matter that sex within marriage had been praised to the heavens by their respective religious authorities; the seed of doubt had been planted, so to speak. They found, as my wife and I did, that you can’t just turn a switch marked “morality of sex” on in your head.
Needless to say, nowadays I have a pretty low opinion of “abstinence pacts” and religious disavowals of premarital sex.
Oh, sorry about that Abby. Missed a word in your post there…I guess someone else here waited too.
I lost my virginity when I was sixteen, to a guy I’d known and dated for 2 months. He promised me we’d get married, have kids, blah blah blah, and I believed him, I was 16…ha. Then he broke up with me. Since then I’ve had sex with 5 other people. Thus being six total. 3 boyfriends, and 3 random people I knew.
I’m 18. I regret it more than anything else in my life. I enjoyed it a lot, and I still would now, but I won’t have sex with anyone now until marriage. And this is by no means a religious “born-again virgin” thing, since I’m atheist. I just feel that I’ve ruined my life and no guy will ever marry me because I was slutty when I was real young.
I’m not saying you should wait until marriage, but make sure you love the person/people. I learned that sex, like anything else in this world is very addictive.
I didn’t wait. And, I’ll be honest, my first time–and my first partner–weren’t a whole lot of fun. I was eighteen at the time, and, though I told myself differently, I knew full well the relationship wasn’t going to last. He was a virgin, and the sex was really not that great. But I still don’t regret it.
The guy I lost it to had been my friend for almost four years, and, silly as it was, I trusted him. He was also my first kiss, my first boyfriend, and my first to-my-knowledge mutual crush. It wasn’t great physically, but it was a good thing emotionally. Bad relationship, and he was a bad boyfriend, but he’s a good friend, and it’s something we shared.
I also don’t regret sleeping with my fiance. It’s good experience. Imagine waiting until marriage, then finding out that the two of you are sexually incompatible. I wouldn’t want that to happen. So long as we’re safe, I see it as a good thing that we share.
Well, if I know I’m going to marry someone, I’d have sex with them beforehand, but I’m not going to just sleep with people for the sheer pleasure of it. If I become that hard up, I’ll buy a dildo, and save my reputation.
I say that now, but I’ll probably go have sex with someone in the next…oh…2 months?
I slept with 3 people before I met my husband. I don’t think I wish we waited for marriage, but I do wish my husband was the first.
It doesn’t really bother me though.