the question
I’m not considering losing my virginity. Yet. But I’m curious as to when everyone lost theirs, and if they regretted it at the time, or now.
Why I’m asking
I used to think that I was going to wait till marriage. And I kinda still want to. But the again, it seems kinda dumb, too. I know I’m not going to untill a) I don’t live with my parents b) I’m in a relationship c) I’m on birth control and d) I’ve figured out whether I’m still Christian or not (faith crisis sucks) So, even if b,c, and d happen, I don’t move out till July. I’ve got a while to think about it… I just want everyone’s imput.
Thanks all.
I was 19 and change, and a freshman in college. I’m now married to the guy, for whatever that’s worth to you. I didn’t regret it then, I don’t regret it now, and I’m pretty sure I won’t regret it 20 years from now if we break up.
We hadn’t been together terribly long, but he was my best guy friend before we started dating, and I was already sure this would be a farily long-term relationship. Marriage talk (even in the pie in the sky, purely speculative sense) hadn’t come close to rearing its ugly head by that point, but I was sure I loved him and wouldn’t regret it.
I had always figured on waiting till marriage, too. Then I fell in love with a guy who wouldn’t be out of school for 8 more years, and I categorically refused to entertain the notion of marrying a student. Faced with the option of waiting 8-10 years till he finished school and maybe residency, I thought, “Well fuck that.”
Wel I liked losing mine, but I only did one. Go figure.
At the risk of sounding pathetic to all my enemies (laugh it up Jimmy Carter!) I’ll let you know that I’m 23 and still a virgin. Here’s my story and maybe it’ll help you. I’m a guy though and I’m guessing you may be a girl.
All through high school and college I was on my wait-until-marriage thing. I lost many a good girlfriend from that too. finally I get out of college and after one too many restless nights I decided to drop the whole thing and just go out and get some before I’m wildly behind the times. So I go out to a club and pick up a girl I found attractive (no easy task beating out the other guys) and we went back to my apartment. I really thought she was a nice gal and did’nt expect it because of her attractiveness. Physical attractiveness aside, however, I really did’nt feel anything for her. There was no emotional connection, no electricity beyond the excitement and novelty. So we talk and I let her know I’m a virgin, strictly nothing beyond making out.
She giggles alittle and let’s me know it’s ok. So we both take our clothes off and start making out and I move to kiss her other parts and all I keep hearing is “Stop shaking”. I was so nervous and scared that I did’nt know even know I was shaking uncontrollably. I’ve had a gun to the back of my head and barely got flustered, but this thing had me shaking like a schoolgirl who’s just lost her puppy. In fact, I’m so nervous and emotionally unconnected from this girl that the foreplay goes dry and I can’t even perform. She realizes its going nowhere so she gets off of me and just lays down and I’m still shaking, not like a siezure-in-an-earhquake shaking, but just a mild rattle. It was a horribly embarrassing night, and so many things went wrong. Luckly it was when I was in anoher state so there’s a good chance I won’t see her again. She was nice though, and understood what I was going through.
Here’s the point of my post. I went through the same thing you did and decided to lose my virginity in the fastest way I could short of visiting a prositute. You’ve just heard what happens when you make a decision like that and try to jump into it. Although I was wholly dissapointed, I’m glad it happened to me because it allows me to step back and gain perspective on the whole thing. Now, as gruelling as the process may be, I’m waiting for someone I actually have feelings for rather than just going for the one-night stand. I’ve found plenty of one-night stand material, still havent found anyone i’m interested in, but that’s the way these things go. The point is, if you choose to not remain a virgin, there has got to be a thought-out, deliberate plan on going about it and it has got to be with someone you care about. Don’t just let random horniness get you in trouble. I will forever have that horrible night on my mind all because I wanted to knock out my virginity as soon as I could. if you are a girl you don’t have to worry about falling behind because most guys will definately understand if you are a virgin. Girls seem to not be so turned on when I tell them that.
Just remember, you can’t take it back, no matter how right it feels at the moment you gotta stick with your plan. That’s about all the advice I could offer on this matter and it probably is no help at all 
I was 14. I’m now 24 and been married to the same guy for two years. I don’t regret it at all.
I always knew I would never marry a guy I hadn’t had sex with and lived with. I take marriage seriously and was engaged for 4 years before being as sure as a person can be that it would last.
Just adding : I didn’t feel like I’d ‘lost’ anything either. Rather I felt like I’d gained something, or just embarked on a new journey, with interesting stopovers 
I had sex for the first time at age 15…
I too didnt “lose” anything, and anything i lost was found again when i ate a peanut.
I wasn’t waiting for marriage. More like waiting to make sure that when a thread/discussion like this came up, I’d be able to remember the moment/person fondly, rather than regret it. That’s not the exact reason, but it seems like a good rule of thumb.
My first girlfriend (little after 9/11), well, really wanted to fuck me, but I just didn’t have the confidence in the above criteria. So no sex with her.
My next girlfriend, took mine a few days into the relationship. And considering that she’s also my current SO, I don’t regret it, and I don’t see how I ever could, regardless of what may happen in the future. At the time, (and as of now), it was a wonderful thing, and nothing will change that.
And Jesus, am I glad I didn’t do the first girlfriend.
Lost it at 22, got married at 30 to a different woman (with a fair number of others in between).
No regrets, but no disrepect for those who choose to do otherwise.
Btw, I’m still good friends with the girl I lost mine with.
As I’ve shared before, I’m a 35-year-old virgin by choice. I’m currently dating a drop dead gorgeous 37-year-old virgin by choice. We were attracted to each other, in part, by the strength of our convictions.
Previously, I was dating a woman who had slept with previous boyfriends, but who was likewise attracted to my dedication to abstinence. She was incredibly beautiful as well – in fact, men were constantly trying to get her into bed, usually on the first date. She found my stance to be a refreshing change for her.
Yep. These are good times.
I waited until marriage at age 25 (as did my wife); I believe it was a good idea.
But as to whether it was ‘better’ than not waiting, I think I’d have to scratch my head; it is logically impossible for anyone to make the comparison from personal experience; you can’t simultaneously wait and not-wait.
There’s a thread here of several pages length on the subject. It’s from a few months ago . Somebody whose 'puter isn’t acting strange can search for it.
Seems like the ages of those responding ranged from 11 to thirty-something. I don’t recall a lot of regrets either way. Most people felt they had done/were doing what was right for them.
I lost my virginity at 17 to boy who said he loved me. He didn’t, and to be honest I knew that even at the time, I guess I just went along with it because I was the only virgin I knew.
I don’t know if regret is exactly the right word, but in a way I wish at least, that I had waited until I met my husband.
I was a late bloomer(socially) may have something to do with the fact that I had ‘ugly duckling syndome’, Meaning I didn’t come into anything approximating pretty till I was 18 or so. (it pays off in me keeping my looks longer than my younger sisters.)
Anyway I was 19 and change, also when I lost my virginity. I’d had oppurtunities since I was 18 but was terrified, what will the guy think of my body, will he like me tomorrow, what if I don’t know what to do.
At 19, I met the brother of a girl I worked with. She said don’t get involved, he’s trouble. When he inquired about me, she told him, leave her alone, she’s a good girl. That did it. About a week after we meet, he got my virginity. We dated for about 6 months before I broke it off to go test my new skills. The guy and I remained friends and dated off and on for the next 2 years or so.
I don’t regret any of it. We were never ‘in love’ but we liked each other and had fun together. He taught me alot, about sex and myself.
Sex can be an expression of love but sex can also be fun or just sex.
If I had to do it ALL again, I would, I learned alot about myself and it was fun.
lost mine when i was 15, to a boyfriend who was also a virgin at the time.
He was very special to me, stil is. We stayed together for over a year.
But if i had to do it again, I wouldn’t.
I’d wait until i was older, so i could really appreciate what sexual intimacy actually is, and how special it can be.
Don’t just give it to anyone. You can’t retrieve it, and you will never forget the person you gave it to.
So make it special for yourself, as it’s lifelong memory.
Forgot to add,
No, I didn’t marry the guy much to the chagrin of his sisters. Didn’t marry the next one or the one after that. It would be five years before I met and fell in bed (three days later) with the guy I would marry. We’ve been married 16 years next month. Nothing in our relationship was the norm. I guess the same can be said for our marriage. Everybody’s different. What works for me/us is different from what works for the next guy.
And as someone else said, I could not have married without sleeping with the guy first.
I was 20 days shy of my 18th birthday when it happened for me. I was also shaking and nervous as hell and it took me two hours to finally climax. My girlfriend was understanding, fortunately, and I got more relaxed each time (until she broke up with me). I don’t regret having done it then. My experiences since then have been few and far between.
I was 16, all I really remember about that night is that my pantyhose wouldn’t come off my right foot. Can’t really remember the guy or anything else about it. It wasn’t very special but I don’t regret it. After the first time things got alot better. I married my husband without having sex with him first. I’m glad I waited with him, it made our wedding night very special.
I was 18, and felt I had put it off for long enough, having not been without a girlfriend from the age of 14.
I was, sad as it is, holding out for what I deemed it should be, that is a earth-shattering and intense experience I thought I would remember forever. Anyone ever see a comedy show called “Dream on”. The guy in it, Martin Tupper, had the sort of experience in losing his virginity that I decided I wanted: anything less would not have lived up to expectations.
Then I wised up and realised the ‘first time’ is an artifical hurdle, created by personal expectations.
It will never be what you want it to be, it will never mean what you hope it will mean.
Can’t say I regreted it at all, as it allowed me the freedom to realise sex wasn’t the be-all-and-end-all of relationships (although a big part, granted) and to move on, focusing on other things.
I was 25, and had been in a real relationship with the guy for a couple of months. He’d have been willing to wait as long as I wanted, too; he knew I was a virgin before we Did It.
No regrets about it, but the first few times were QUITE awkward. Don’t expect to be a sex god/goddess right from the start.
I would strongly recommend against sex outside some semblance of a relationship, at least the first time. After that, it’s up to you.