Basically it boils down to I have had only two serious girlfriends in my “adult” life (I’m 23 FTR). One was the true love of my life I met freshman year at college, and she was a wait til marriage girl…she proceeded to dump me three and a half years later (ugh). About a year after that I meet current girlfriend, who is also a wait til marriage girl. In my opinion I think this is exceedingly rare (TWO virgins??), so I’m curious if anyone else waited til marriage on this board, and if they did…why?
I just never had any interest in wearing jewelry and still don’t, but the wedding ring is traditional. And it keeps me from having to deflect attention most of the time.
I just don’t see what being a virgin has to do with it though.
I didn’t (haven’t been married yet, either). I personally wouldn’t be involved with someone that wanted to wait. I feel like some people who wait are over-hyping the whole ritual, and have this assumption its gonna be awesome after they are married.
Something tells me it usually isn’t. Plus, there’s always the question of, what if they are terrible in bed? I’m not trying to argue the issue, just sharing my logic on the matter here.
It depends on where you are. I’d say about half the girls around here feel that way. Now, don’t get me wrong: a lot of them aren’t virgins anymore, but they feel that, if they’re going to get married, they at least should’ve waited. And feel really, really guilty if they don’t make it.
Did I mention I live in what is often called “the buckle of the Bible Belt”?
I was engaged, eons ago, to a gentleman who had chosen to wait until marriage.
He was passionate, and religious - though not so much so as to not want to marry me, even though I didn’t share his faith. We were 21 when we met, and within a year he changed his mind about waiting until marriage.
On the one hand, I have always felt a little bad <but just a little> about ‘ruining’ him, as the wedding never took place. But on the other, bigger hand, I was always a little certain that part of the reason he WANTED to get married so young was that he was tired of waiting.
Did I mention he was VERY passionate?
It always amazes me when people think things like this. Just because someone chooses something different than you doesn’t automatically make their choice bad. Us former virgins have just as much chance to get the hang of this sex thing as you do.
I waited. My husband waited. it was a religious decision as it most often is. I think we’ve got the sex thing figured out pretty well now, thank you.
I’ve never understood the idea that the sex might be bad, either. The only real difference is that two virgins get to learn together, instead of each being ‘taught’ things that may or may not have meshed with their actual marriage partners. So…it’s ideal, I think.
Besides…if either was bad in bed, how would the other know?
<just teasing!!!>
On the other hand, I’m not a " wait til marriage" chick at all. (I’m more of wait until you’re in a committed loving relationship) But I can see how someone would be " if I love someone enough to marry them, I would really love it if I was the only one they “knew” (Biblical sense) sexually" Some people may view sex as sacred. As for being potentionally bad in bed, that can ALWAYS be worked around you know.
I have to say too that I think a lot of people forget that just being with a person you love, just cuddling and hugging and kissing them can feel just as amazing as doing the deed. The deed should just be the Kalula frosting on the cake!
I started dating my first real girlfriend when I was 17. Both of us were raised as pretty hardcore Catholics, and we were both very serious about waiting until marriage. It was important to both of us. That’s the way things were supposed to be.
I didn’t wait, but my husband and his first wife did. He looks back at it as a colossal mistake. Being tired of waiting made them rush into a marriage that probably wouldn’t have taken place otherwise, and they got married very young which he also thinks was a mistake. Then they turned out to be completely incompatible, in bed and otherwise.
They waited due to religious reasons; they met at Bible college. In the course of the fifteen-year marriage he found atheism, so by the time they were divorced, he was ready to hop in the sack first chance he got.
The ‘waiting until marriage’ thing often pressures couples who are frustrated and tired of ‘waiting’ into rushed early marriages (hey, doesn’t pregnancy do that, too?). I once read on some bible-thumping site that teenagers who marry just for the relief of it are not, of course, ready for marriage, but if they do it, the parents should support them. The parents should continue to support them, letting them live in the home, go to school, go to work, etc. until the teenage newly-weds actually grow up and get lives of their own. Hey! I am not down with the fact of my 17 year old daughter and her 17 year old “husband” who just take the big step of marriage just so they can scratch their itch in her bedroom next to mine! I would be uncomfortable with young kids humping away day and night in my house but it’s OK because they’re married. For now. Until they grow up, change, and get divorced because they’ve outgrown each other.
My husband and I both waited. We met at age 15, and were married at age 20, so it was a long wait! It was mostly religion, with a little bit of the romantic notion of waiting for this awesome first time on our honeymoon (ha ha ha!), and also a bit of a scare of pregnancy (my sis in law got pregnant in high school and we did NOT want that).
I’m glad we waited, although I will say that we did a bit more than just hold hands before marriage. If we hadn’t waited, we might not have gotten married quite as young as we did, but then again, we’d been together five years by that point, so who knows. We were planning a big Christmas wedding, and moved it up three months and got married very quickly just because I was tired of going home every night. We were fairly mature for 20, knew what we wanted in life and where we were headed, and, for us at least, we have kept on that track. We’ve been married 13 years now, and are very happy.
As someone up-thread mentioned, if one of us is bad in bed, how would the other one know? We seem to have figured it out pretty well and are quite happy with our sex life.
I know quite a few sane, attractive, non-religious people who ‘waited’ until they were in their 20s to have sex, but not a one was waiting for marriage. It’s more like they weren’t seeing too many decent prospects until then, and it’s not the pregnancy scares and teenage ED of their teenage friends’ sex lives was making them feel like they were missing out.
As for the jokes about no one knowing if the partner is bad in bed… I’m not sure about this. If she can’t orgasm or he is ejaculating in two minutes every time they have sex and they can’t work through it, I’m not sure books and instructional videos will always do the trick. I believe, to a certain point, in sexual compatibility. But not having sex doesn’t equate to ‘being a prude,’ and if they are doing ‘everything but,’ I suppose they have a pretty good idea of what the other’s communication skills and likes and dislikes are. (OTOH, it’s a bit silly to turn vaginal intercourse into something sacred.)
We waited. It was 1964 and the whole zeitgeist was different. However, we did move the wedding date up by 3 months from June to March. On the original date, we celebrated by going to a baseball game. You can look it up. Phillies @ Mets June 21, 1964, first game of a doubleheader, a perfect game! A reward for virtue?
Incidentally, we are both pretty much atheists.
Also incidentally, when we changed the sate, many people assumed she was pregnant.
Ah yes, the Bible college couples. The ones who are uber sheltered (some of them have never even HELD HANDS!)
I do think a better ideal to strive for would be sex in a loving long term realtionship
