I was amused by an episode about couples wanting to get married too early. He talked about how people should get married around age 26 or older, and how he was glad he married Robin (she probably deserves a Pit thread of her own) when he was twenty-six because he knew then that he was ready. He was getting pretty self-righteous about it too.
Yeah, but he never mentioned his previous wife whom he married around age twenty (I heard that he cheated on her, but I don’t have a cite). I don’t think he mentions her very much, if at all, on the show. She has her own website, in fact that sells mugs with her and Dr. Phil’s wedding picture on it. The First Mrs Phil.
I don’t watch Dr Phil very often, but I did happen to see most of today’s show. On this episode, and some others I’ve seen, he’s done what used to be called “casework counseling” when I worked in CPS. It’s not therapy, and it won’t fix anything on it’s own, but it can be helpful. The one family I remember well from today’s episode was the one where the grandmother had custody. The grandmother kept repeating that the mother abandoned the child, the mother was upset because when she wanted to visit the grandmother would say that wasn’t a good time becasue he had hockey or some other activity and visiting her should be more important than hockey, the mother was upset because the grandmother gave him a cell phone when he visited because (she thinks) grandma didn’t want to have to speak to the mother. What Dr Phil basically said was that it wasn’t really about the cell phone and that it was time for the adults to start thinking about what’s best for the child instead of what they wanted. Not really therapy, and obvious to anyone not involved in the situation. Not enough to fix the problem, but certainly necessary for them to hear. Maybe no one ever mentioned it to them before, or maybe they’ll pay more attention to someone with credentials than they will to a family member or friend. Sometimes that sort of statement can be useful to get someone either into therapy or to take other steps to solve the problem.
Now about the serial killer episode, I’m going to try to remember to watch it, and I don’t know how helpful it will be to have the family on tv, but if he’s using a list similar to this one http://members.tripod.com/~SerialKillr/SerialKillersExposed/characteristics.html
Daydreaming
Compulsive Masturbation
Isolation
Chronic Lying
Enuresis (bed wetting)
Rebelliousness
Nightmares
Destroying Property
Fire Setting
Stealing
Cruelty to Children
Poor Body Image
Temper Tantrums
Sleep Problems
Assaultive to Adults
Phobias
Running Away
Cruelty to Animals
Accident Prone
Headaches
Destroying Possessions
Eating Problems
Convulsions
Self-mutilation
the fact that the child exhibits many or even all of the characteristics certainly doesn’t mean he will grow up to be a serial killer ( profiling works in only one direction). However, I can’t see a combination of even five characteristics that wouldn’t be cause for concern. In fact depending on the specific definitions of the characteristics (I know that the “bedwetting” characteristic is limited- it must persist past the normal age for such problems and not be due to a medical problem), it may be that any one of them is cause for concern.
I couldn’t agree more. However, I think that the use of the “could be a serial killer!” phrase might well cause more harm than any good the show could do.
I would agree with that, except the promo I saw didn’t have that phrase. It was Dr Phil telling the parents that the child has 9 of the 14 characterisics of a serail killer. Since the show hasn’t aired yet, I don’t know the context in which he said it. And I can certainly imagine situations in which it might be appropriate- such as if the parents attempted to explain all of the behaviors away as being “just a stage”, and were not grasping the seriousness of the situation.
BTW, this one is supposed to be a “prime time special”.
I don’t sympathize with her anymore. And I don’t believe her when she says “Oh yes, you’re right, I agree with you, That’s a good idea, I’ll have to do something about that.”
I can’t change another person. She has to want to change. And I know that if I were to confront her, she’d never speak to me again. But that’s another problem.
Dr. Phil’s pretty much an ingratiating pedant, but one thing he says, I like: “So, how’s that workin’ for ya?”. Lotsa wisdom in that, so he probably stole it from someone else.
I was using “could be a serial killer!” in an analogous manner, rather than as a direct quote; I was just giving a short summary of the story topic. See, my take on the situation is that even just having the parents on TV with something like that is potentially dangerous to the kid. I agree that there are parents out there who can be frighteningly stubborn about not seeing their kids’ faults, but I just fear what’s going to happen to the kid once the people in their town watch this episode and say “hey, that’s the Joneses! Whoa, Bobby has 9 out of 14 characteristics of being a serial killer?”* I don’t know, maybe the situation was at the point where concerned friends and family couldn’t get them to do anything except go on Dr. Phil’s show (more glamorous than seeing some family therapist in a plain office building, certainly). If that’s the case, I really feel sorry for the kid now.
“And he was such a nice kid, kept to himself some…”
Would you think that if you saw this family in your town and you saw them on the show?
Just curious.
That little kid is troubled, I don’t care if they went on the Dr. Phil show to start to find a way to get the kid help. The point is that he gets help.
I am pulling that the family gets help and pull themselves together as a family and the kid finds his way out of his troubles and has a chance at a better childhood.
No, I’d think, “what the hell were they thinking, bringing their kid on/going on national TV like that?” Like spooje said, this kid’s life in school would be hell, as would that of any siblings.
I had a younger brother who was severly retarted due to a medical accident when he was about a year and a half old. He couldn’t talk and couldn’t walk right and was still wearing diapers when he died at the age of seven. There were children that were not allowed to play with me because of him. This show will make sure a kid already on edge is ostracized along with any siblings.
While I can appreciate that their might be a benifit to letting people know these warning signs, I fail to see how putting that child’s family on public display for millions of people and at least one of their neighbors to see is going to help this child. All it takes is one neighbor with a phone and a child who already is in trouble will be cut off from any chance of normal freindships, and there will be that one neighbor.
If there really is a benifit what would it hurt to have actors take the roles of these people and protect a child who isn’t lost yet. I can see no good outcome for this family or this child to do this in public.
I don’t know if having the family on TV will do more harm than good. It certainly would be preferable if they got help without going on TV, but that might not have been possible ( the glamour, as you said). But, to tell you the truth, I’m not terribly worried about the kid and his siblings being ostracized or people talking because of the TV appearance for one reason- if the kid really has nine characteristics from a list like the one I quoted, he almost certainly is already being ostracized. and people have been talking for quite some time.
The diagnosis-by-serial-killer-quiz is simply irresponsible television. Its thrown in there for shock value, and its meaningless to boot - at the very least because it isn’t weighted. “Poor body image” or “daydreaming” counts as much as “cruelty to animals” or “self-mutilation”? I understand the real reason for this listing of traits, but Dr. Phil is misrepresenting it when he uses it in the role of providing therapy, or at least sound advice from a professional, on a 50 minute television show. He distills a complex study of psychology into a sound bite designed to whip overanxious moms into a frenzy.
Yes, it’s sensationalism and such, but don’t you think that maybe it might prove to be a wake-up call for parents who have been in denial about their child’s kitten mutilation habits? It might be worth it if it gets two or three nascent seriously screwed up people into the appropriate care before they do move on from kittens to smaller neighborhood children.
