I had the most vivid dream of my life the other night.
Would you like a mundane, pointless transcript?
It opens upon me and two (unnamed, unknown) friends, sitting up against the beams and scaffolding of a construction project. Maybe the hockey arena they’re building in Kent. We’re observing an amusement park ride in the distance.
The ride consists of a giant wheel-like track (think like a hamster wheel, but with a solid surface instead of those rungs), upon which cars, or karts, or whatever, are furiously racing. For the record, the wheel isn’t moving, the cars are going in vertical loops. Seriously, this thing is like 80 feet tall. As the ride goes on the wheel flattens, and bounces back, and then flattens again, while the cars go faster and faster. A oppressive humming fills the air as the insane amusement oscillates. One of my friends comments that it looks unstable.
It explodes with a huge fireball, stray pieces arcing majestically through the air. One nearly hits us. From here on, the dream becomes weird. There is a slight gap in the narrative, and the next event is us leaving the construction site. We discover out way blocked with a think, tangled forest. The forest is almost a distortion of reality, it kind of ripples in and surrounds you, bending spacetime around the sane areas of geography.
We (I’m down to one friend at this point, inexplicably) return to my house (which is, in the nature of dreams, nothing like my house at all), though I get the sense that it is actually a bad idea to do so. The landscape is so broken and perverse I’m surprised we made it at all. We leave, I think though the window. As I walk again into the forest I look back at my house, and observe it twisting and curving out of existence. At some point the Racing-Wheel explosion is blamed for the mindbending forest.
We are searching for safe ground and come across a car dealership. Well, it’s really just another house, but they’re trucks parked inside, and I call it a dealership. At this point in my dream I am aware of having had to fight off several attackers; twisted men from the twisted forest. (What I mean by that is, dream me remembers these fights, but I don’t.) As we explore the dealership, a new assailant appears: A large, disheveled, psychopathic Santa Claus. No, I’m not kidding.
My friend pulls out a chain and begins the assault, but it seems to have little effect. I recall having used better weapons in the past fights (the ones I don’t remember), swords and golf clubs come to mind. I search for a weapon and find a length of humongous chain displayed over the fireplace. (Yes, there’s a fireplace in the house/car dealership) This chain is maybe a foot in diameter, like the anchor chain for a aircraft carrier, but maybe only 6 feet long. I heft the beastly thing, and know that if I ever manage to get a hit in, it’ll be lights out for Santa. My friend is still uselessly wailing away with his little wuss chain. As this point I become aware of the girl that Santa has held captive, and know that she will be mine if only we can defeat him. I run in for my first attack.
Now it gets really weird. At this point, the dream stops. I get the image of a book, the end of a chapter. The book of the dream. Apparently, the last line was me charging, and a disembodied voice reads the next line aloud, with total seriousness:
“They battled for seven hours.”
Back into the dream. I have defeated Santa. My other friend is now gone. Only the girl remains. Her hair is black. She wears a sweater made of the same mesh fabric as my work chairs. No, seriously. The weird thing was looking at the sweater, and feeling it (like my work chairs feel), without touching it. The senses of sight and touch were all crossed together.
The rest of the dream features the girl, and isn’t particularly interesting to anyone but me.
And then I woke up.
My favorite part is the book.
Anyone else have some weirdo dreams lately?