Reading this thread about dreaming that you kill somebody reminded me of a series of highly disturbing dreams I had quite a few years ago. In all of them, I ended up dying. I wonder if other people have had comparable experiences?
It was during my time at the University, away from my family (I went to study to Barcelona, 400 miles away from where the rest of my family was) and I was beyond stressed at the time with studies, exams, and a bunch of shitty stuff going on with my life that only added to the tension.
Well… For a week or so, every single night I had an incredibly detailed and vivid dream wherein I was being executed, for reasons that were never particularly clear. Those dreams have been burned into my memory and I can still recall them today with plenty of detail.
The first time I dreamed that I was in Ancient Rome and I was to be eaten by lions in the arena. On top of it, I was actually dreaming in Latin (when I went to high school in Spain, Latin was a mandatory subject. I learned it then). Very bright sun, a lot of people watching and shouting, a bunch of lions in front of me, sand under my bare feet. Then one of the lions runs at me, jumps and knocks me down while going for my throat. I felt the bite in my neck and the weight of the animal on me. It hurt like a bitch for a moment, then I felt weirdly relaxed and woke up as the other lions were coming at me.
OK, that was weird and disturbing… I thought “whoa, that was some dream…!” – But didn’t think much more about it. Went to college, went on with my life, and back to my flat for more study and dealing with the aforementioned shit.
That night, I dreamed that I was scheduled for hanging. Never knew why, only that I was going to hang. I am sitting in a small cell, the door opens and a couple of guards, along with a very serious-looking man, come into the cell and take me. They pinion my arms and march me towards the room where the scaffold is placed. The very serious-looking man, obviously the executioner, puts a bag over my head and ties the rope around my neck. Very quickly, the platform opens under my feet and I fall. It feels like an eternity but I know that it is only a fraction of a second. I feel a tremendous jerk in my neck, there is a big noise, pain explodes in my head, my face burns, I cannot even remember how to breathe, and then I wake up literally with a jolt, sitting up in my bed totally terrified. It was something like 5 in the morning or thereabouts.
I was rather shaken up by the experience, and I tried to concentrate on my daily activities to avoid thinking about that damn dream. Back home I go to bed feeling somewhat wary.
That night, I dreamed again that I was going to be executed. In the guillotine this time. Again, I don’t know why. I am in another cell, and when the door opens a pair of French gendarmes come to take me away. My hands are tied at my back, they give me a small drink, and march me outside, into the patio of a prison. In my dream it appears to be dawn; for some reason I remember that very vividly. I see the guillotine in front of me with the executioner and a couple of assistants standing next to it. I am secured to the plank, it is brought into position, a wooden piece is fixed around my neck to hold it into position, and the blade is released. It makes a noise like an incoming train, I feel an almighty blow in the back of my neck, and then **my point of view changes. I was looking down at the ground, and suddenly my point of view… er… tumbles. The outside world twirls: I see the ground, then the front of the patio, then the sky, then the guillotine upside down… Something hits my head, grayness and darkness swiftly fill my vision. And then I wake up.
I was a nervous wreck that day. I was terrified of going to sleep, and as a matter of fact I tried delaying falling asleep as much as possible. Finally I collapse at my table.
And that night I dreamed again. I was tied to a post. I was wearing a “Sambenito” and “coroza” (garments worn by those sentenced by the Inquisition), and I realized that I was about to be burnt at the stake in an “auto de fé”. The fire was lit, and I was choking and burning in my dream. Next thing I know I am on the ground, having fallen from the chair where I had fallen asleep.
After that I truly became scared for my own sanity, and as soon as I could I went to see a doctor. He listened to me, told me that I was obviously highly stressed and with an excess of work due to my studies, and that I should try to prioritize things and relax. He prescribed me a mild sedative and told me to go see him again if I kept having trouble.
I was not feeling very relaxed that night, but I took the sedative and went to bed. Soooo… Guess what? Yep. Again!! This time I dreamed that I was about to be shot by a firing squad. My dream began with me standing in front of what I imagined was a prison wall, hands and feet tied, and with a line of soldiers with rifles in front of me. The commanding officer gave the order to “raise arms”, “aim” and “fire!”. I felt as if my body was punched by a bunch of boxers with the force of a charging bull. I fell sideways, pain flooding my body, unable to move a finger. Then, watching from ground level, I saw the commanding officer walk briskly towards me while unholstering his sidearm. I felt the muzzle being pressed against my head in front of my ear, a huge boom… And then everything is black, there is nothing; I know I am there but I am not there. Time has no meaning. It is hideous. I want to scream but I cannot. I panic… And then I wake up. I am crying, and I can barely move.
I cut classes that day; I was too affected. I called the doctor and told him that it hadn’t helped. He sounded worried, and told me that I should think about taking some leave. He asked me if I wanted to have some check up with a psychologist or a psychiatrist, but I told him I didn’t want to. I guess I was scared that they would say I was going crazy and that they would send me to an asylum (I know, I know, but I was young and afraid). I began thinking about going back home to take a break. I called my classmates and teachers that day to tell them that I was feeling sick and I wouldn’t be attending classes for a while (and to ask my classmates to later lend me their notes), and went to the train station to get tickets. The soonest I could be leaving would be the next day. I went home to prepare a travel bag and steeled myself for yet another night.
That night I had yet another horrid dream with the same subject. This time I was being sent to the electric chair. My head was shaven, my left trouser leg was cut open. The guards took me to the room with the chair. They sat me there, tied me tight with leather straps, put a mask over my face. Something wet went on my head, and then a metal cap was secured on it, followed by metal piece being tightened against my left calf. Both felt cold. I was paralyzed by fear. I could see the guards and other people, at the same time close and far away. And then there was a horrendously loud buzzing, everything went blue and yellow for a second, accompanied by a feeling of burning all over my entire self; I daresay even all over my soul.
This time I was awoken by one of my flatmates. He said he had actually heard me scream in my sleep and had come to see what was happening.
I was exhausted and with my nerves in tatters when I took the train home that day. I got home and told my family that I had had serious trouble with my sleep and that I had come to try and relax. I guess that truly helped, because that night, although I was very scared of going to bed, when I finally fell asleep I managed to sleep without nightmares.
I spent some days in my home town relaxing and thinking hard about my life and what I was doing. I ended up reorganizing my studies somewhat, dropping some subjects for later. I also thought about the other issues that were stressing me and tried to deal with them in positive ways; I ended up cutting some people from my life who were having a rather negative influence on my mind.
But, really… It was a spectacular week. I have never again had anything remotely like those dreams, but they are seared into my brain. I will never forget them as long as I live.
Sooo… Anybody here had anything similar? (Dreaming that you die, and actually “dying” in your dream).