Well, fairly recently I had a guy here at work ask me out whom I already knew didn’t have a driver’s license. He’s 23, but he actually has his mother drop him off at work and he spends the money to Uber home every day rather than get a driver’s license and a car. The fact that work dating is a gossip item and he’s young enough to qualify as a “Boy Toy” means I’d never even consider it but, even if all circumstances were perfect, there’s no way I’d date an adult man under who has him mother drive him to work. If he deceived me the way your daughter’s friend deceived her obviously obtuse SO, I’d tear his heart out (metaphorically speaking).
Were I @Jasmine ISTM the real issue with that guy (setting aside the age / gossip issues) would be the implication that he still lives with Mom.
Counterfactually, e.g. him carpooling to work every day with a same-age roommate who worked similar hours nearby would be pretty neutral. The fact he Ubers home suggests he’s simply treating car ownership as an unnecessary expense and in that he’s being frugal, not avoidant.
It’s the Mom connection that gives it the ick factor. Even worse of course if Mom is making a special trip in just for Sonny, not simply dropping him off before she goes about the day she’d have had anyhow were he driving himself separately. IMO YMMV.
Agreed, at least in the US/Canada. We are not a country setup around non-driving, and individuals failing to learn how to drive will not make us a country friendly to non-drivers.
Failing to learn how to drive just limits a person’s opportunities, both career and personal. There are either swaths of life unavailable to you, or you are dependent on someone else to make them available to you.
nvm
I agree with this, but also think people should make their own decisions, and live with the consequences. All my kids got their licenses when the were 16 or 17, but I’m not sure I would have forced them if they didn’t want to.
only if he asks. “Please don’t mention this embarassing thing” is not what I think of as a relationship-breaking lie.
I mean, I’m one of those urban people who think it’s not incumbent on every adult to drive. I have a lot of younger friends who don’t drive. I suspect some of them don’t have a license – I don’t ask unless they want to borrow my car or something. For that matter, when I met my husband, he didn’t have a driver’s license. Then we got married and moved to the burbs, and I taught him to drive. I have no recollection of when I learned that he didn’t drive. I’m sure it didn’t come up right away. I’m sure it came up later than “my mother is an alcoholic” and “I’m really close to my cat”.
Do you know there is deceit involved? I haven’t seen you say anything about that, other than the “please don’t say anything” post.
this is my question, too.
All I know is he doesn’t know. And she’s actively making sure I didn’t mention it.
I do know something new. She told my daughter that fear kept her from learning at 15. She was in a drivers ed class and couldn’t do the student driver part and flunked the class.
@puzzlegal just above.
Depends hugely on where you live. In metro NYC, SF, Chicago, or DC sure. Rural AR where the OP and these folks live … not so much.
I’ve been driving 50 years. I might replace my car w UberLyft next year. Might.
Not for diminished capacity but for diminished need. A 20-something? Something fundamentally wrong w him/her.
IMO YMMV.h
My dad is in his 90s. He gave up driving about 10 years ago. My mom had given up driving right after she retired, in her 60s, many years earlier. They live in Southern California. One would think driving was a necessity there, but they’ve been able to make do.
My older daughter didn’t get her license until she was 22. We had arm-twisted her into taking driver’s ed when she was 17, but she hated it and was a very nervous driver. She went off to college before taking the exam, and since she lived on-campus in a college town, she didn’t have a car or any real need to drive. She finally got her license in between college and grad school, but she didn’t drive regularly until she and her boyfriend moved in together far enough away from campus that public transit and biking were no longer practical.
She never hid it from anyone, though.