"Dumb but impressive tricks" Whats yours?

I can touch my big toe to Anne Neville’s nose.

Yup, that’s the way I do it. Now I’ve got two new ways to try!

I’ve been told that I’m a great kisser. I’m not gonna argue with that.

This is more of a bar trick, and not so much of a mutant physical feat, but the effect is very nice - at the peak of the trick it should look like you’ve popped your eyeball. Usually it is done in restaurants or bars.

  • palm a small plastic container of cream or milk, the kind that has a paper cover and comes with coffee or tea.

  • sneakily scrape the paper until it is almost torn through

  • put the container paper side down in you hand, so that it is positioned over the base of your fingers

  • put your hand over your eye, such that the container is cupped within you hand, and resting over your eye. While you do this yell in pain, whimpering an moaning about the thing in you eye. Best to do all of this in one fast unexpected moment.

  • everyone comes over saying “what, what happened are you okay?”. You moan through clenched teeth, scrabbling around your eye with your other hand - keep the hand with the creamer over your eye as though you’re in pain

  • drive a finger of your other, scrabbling hand, between the fingers of hand hand that is holding the creamer, puncturing the paper cover and shooting creamer out from behind your fingers.

  • Effect: White milky eye goo comes shooting out from between your fingers. Properly done, it’s priceless.

I can take a ramen noodle/spaghetti noodle/balloon animal balloon/unused condom, suck it up one nostril and pull it out my mouth. It’s not really an astounding feat; anyone could do it, if he wanted to… The spaghetti noodle is best for a dining hall prank, but the condom has a lot more presentation value as a bar trick.