In our family, when anyone tells a rambling, pointless story, at the end someone will say, “And then I found ten dollars.”
OMG, for us after a rambling story I’ll say, “and that’s the way a bill becomes a law”. My family all appreciate it and laugh. Strangers haven’t a clue.
In our house it is “Please pass the butter!”
Is that a link to Last Tango In Paris or a link to a joke about Last Tango In Paris?
I can’t believe some people apparently don’t realize that what they think of as “automatic” responses are often only automatic, or even heard of, within limited circles.
I’ve hung around with people from a batch of cultures. I’ve certainly heard some fart jokes. I’ve never before run into either of those.
That.
Really? It seems a fairly universal comedic trope to me. “I smell something really pleasant” to “oh that must be a usually unpleasant emanation.” I wouldn’t be surprised if a joke like this would go back millennia.
Maybe it does go back millennia; but it certainly isn’t universal. I don’t think I’ve ever before heard somebody respond to a mention of a pleasant smell by referencing farts; let alone assume that it’s an automatic reaction to do so.
It goes back millenia.
That’s a fart joke, yes. But it’s not the same fart joke.
True, not the same fart joke, but what I like about that joke is that it proves humans have employed sarcasm for at least 4,000 years. Makes me wonder how long ago we first started using sarcasm:
(Og throws spear, misses)
“Nice direct hit on the woolly mammoth there, Og! Can’t wait to taste that delicious roasted mammoth meat, thanks to your masterful hunting skills! 
”
I once worked on a case that took place on an Indian Reservation, so many of the participants were Native Americans. My favorite surname was “Afraid of Bear”, as in “Investigator Joe Afraid of Bear interviewed the witness, John Nighthawk…”
Yeah, that guys’ ancestor clearly did something to earn that moniker.
“That look on your face…even your kids’ kids are gonna hear about this one!”
In case you think I’m making the surname up…
I thought of one I always amused myself with. When my dog didn’t want to be touched, she’d let out a low growl if you’d pet her. I’d say, “Aw look, she’s purring!”
There is no I in Team. But there is an I in Win.
Customer pays with a large denomination dollar bill.
Cashier holds the large denomination dollar bill up to the light to verify if it good.
Customer: “It’s good! I printed that bill in my basement last night! Har har.”
Cashier tries not to roll her eyes because she hears this at least three times a day.
I say that when I pay with one of those stiff so new you can smell the ink 20s that you get from ATMs
Whenever something legal is playing, and the term “oral argument” comes up I can’t help but say something like, “what about the anal argument?”
A fart in the opposing counsel’s general direction?
My late first wife was an attorney in Arizona for a few years. A hefty fraction of the Navajo population have the surname Begay (in anglicized form), pronounced “bee-GAY”. It was not uncommon to read police reports where two or more of the unrelated participants had that surname, as did one or more of the responding officers.
After Mr. Begay had harsh words with Mr. Begay, Mr Begay assaulted Mr. Begay. Officers Begay and Begay were dispatched to the altercation and observed Mr. Begay with a cut on his face while Mr. Begay had fled the scene but was arrested subsequently at home without issue.
Third base!
“And this is our daughter, Glitterand.”
My wife and I were grocery shopping the other day and an item wouldn’t scan. She made the “it must be free” joke and the cashier seemed honestly surprised. (So was the bagger, but a teenager may well not have heard that joke before.) I said to the cashier that she must have heard that joke tons of times before, but she said it was new to her. 
When the host/hostess offers me a cheese platter they’ve lovingly prepared, I cannot help but ask, “who cut the cheese?”
Sometimes people chuckle, other times I receive an honest answer.