So, the hubby is playing Fallout 3.
Him: Rargh!
Me: What’s wrong?
Him: I can’t find the supply depot! I need to buy supplies!
Me: Supplies!*
Him: :rolleyes:
Me: Heeheehee!
So what old, tired, cliched jokes still make you laugh?
*You say “supplies” in the same tone of voice you would use if you were saying “Surprise!” It’s a pun, ya see?
Push Button, Receive Bacon.
Never not funny. Never.
I love UHF.
“That I know of” (in regard to children), and “in BED!”
That’s what she said.
I was gonna say that.
Instead, I’ll stick with “So’s your face!” The ideal comeback in all situations.
Knock-Knock!
(Who’s there?)
The interrupting cow.
(The interrup—)
MOO!
“I have that effect on women.” Even better if it’s actually negative, so I can follow it up with “oh, wait.”
…‘As the actress said to the bishop’.
When hanging pictures or some sort of household chore involving finding the wall studs, bringing out the studfinder thing and walking near my husband/brother/whoever and going “beep beep beep”.
My brother: Make me a coffee
Me: (waving imaginary wand) Brrrring! You’re a coffee!
Me: (rolling on the floor) Hahahahahaha…
My brother: There’s something wrong with you.
Me: …hahahaha!
13 years on, still laughing.
I knew someone who would go into hysterics every time she heard
What do you call a three legged donkey?
A wonkey.
Hehehe. I like this one.
How do you make a hormone?
Drum roll…
Don’t pay her.
Are these jokes along the line of adding the word “anal” to car names?
Someone: “What’s up?”
Me: *(points solemnly to ceiling) *That.
Standing beside someone on their left side…
…and tapping their right shoulder
I never get tired of that…people think you’re too old to do that, so it works every time!
I think the first goes like:
Q: Do you have any children.
A: No, none, (pause) That I know of.
As to the second, this gives you an idea of what he’s talking about.
Is this cliched? It’s old, I heard it years ago:
Descartes walks into a bar and seats himself at a table. The waitress comes over and asks him “would you like the special today?” Descartes says “Oh, I think not,” and disappears.
It takes me a number of minutes to compose myself whenever I tell this. I’m giggling now.
The “none that I know of” response is even better if you are a woman.
I know of one or two female standup comics who’ve used that line. It’s really a killer the first time you hear it.