Your shit doesn’t contain diamonds, and your piss isn’t molten gold. So why do you act like you’re the queen of the world? Of COURSE I don’t laugh when you tell the same jokes every day. They have an expiry date, you know, and they passed it 10 years ago. Throw them away already! Better yet, burn them, so they don’t come back and infect all the good jokes. Whatever you do with them, KEEP THEM AWAY FROM ME! And DON’T explain them, if I’m not laughing it’s because you aren’t funny, not because I’m stupid. You are only special in the “you ride the short bus” way, not in the “wow! You’re so cool!” way, so stop pretending everyone doesn’t hate you. And stop acting like you’re God, that’s my job.
Knock knock.
Who’s there?
ICECREAM SODA
ICECREAM SODA who?
ICECREAM SODA PEOPLE CAN HEAR ME!!!
Oh ya, now THAT was funny!
Bwaaaaa haaaaa haaaaa HAAAAAAAAAAA! 
My wife’s going to Indonesia.
Jakarta?
Ibiza.
You lads enjoying yourselves? 
Ole’ AbsolutelyStark was complaining of bad humor; Indeed, here (s)he gets nothing but the finest comedic stylings!
“I’ve just been on a choral tour of Afghanistan.”
“Jalalabad?”
“No, I sang quite well, actually.”
Sorry, Coldie.
Why did the chicken cross the Moebius strip?
To stay on the same side?
So this pirate walks into a bar, with a steering wheel sticking out the front of his pants, and sits down like nothing’s happening.
The bartender kinda leans in, and half-whispers “Ya know, sir, that um … you have a steering wheel sticking out down there…”
And the pirate says “Arrr! It’s drivin’ me nuts!”
I haven’t laughed so hard at such a bad joke in a long time.
Thanks, Plavacek!
A young man walks into a bar. Half of his head looks like a big orange.
The barman says:
“I couldn’t help but notice that half of your head looks like a big orange. If you don’t mind me asking, how did it come to be like that?”
The lad replies:
“Well, I was rooting round in the garage the other day and found an old lamp, I rubbed it and out came a genie. He gave me the old 3 wishes thing.”
Barman:
“Was it the 1st wish that made you look like that?”
The lad replies:
“No, I asked to be loved and desired sexually by the most attractive women on the planet, and it worked.”
Barman:
“Was it the 2nd wish that made you look like that then?”
The lad replies:
“No, I asked to have a wallet with an infinite amount of cash in, and it worked.”
Barman:
“Right so it must have been the 3rd wish that made you look like that then?”
The lad replies:
“Yep.”
Barman:
“So what did you wish for?”
The lad replies:
“I asked to have half my head look like a big orange.”
A priest, a minister, and a rabbi walk into a bar.
OW!!!
A priest, a minister, and a rabbi walk into a bar. The bartender says,
“What is this, some kind of joke?”
Ba-dum-bump!
I’m going to hell now, aren’t I?
Seriously, umm, not sure what to suggest. Has everyone heard them before, or are you just unfortunate to be with her a lot? If you’re all bored, you could try hijacking them. Or threaten to tell the pink gorilla joke whenever you need to shut her up.
Knock knock!
(Who’s There?)
Panther!
(Panther who?)
Panther no panth I’m goin’ in the pool!
Hey, it was funny when Zaboomafoo told it, okay?