I mentioned this elsewhere, but some time in the last few months I saw a “humorous” coffee cup for sale along with lot of other ones with equally dubious sayings. Anyhow:
I don’t want to sleep like a baby. I want to sleep like my husband.
And it’s companion "Hot enough for you? "
The cashiers at a regional chain of C-stores were obviously trained to ask customers if they had gas. This was back in the day before ‘pay-at-the-pump’ became a thing. I always replied, “No, I never eat the food here!”
In later years they stopped asking customers if they had gas and asked if they had fuel instead. I guess they got tired of my joke.
If they started carrying diesel that might also explain it. Since some people might then make the joke that “no, I didn’t get gasoline, I got diesel!”
Or propane. Lotta different things are “gas” besides gasoline.
Keeping score for a company bowling team. “I got eight” Me: “How did it feel?” And if somebody says they “got it”, I’d always recommend penicillin.
Currently in Sint Maarten/Saint Martin. Every time we see a rooster (they’re all over the place) it’s a race to see which of us can comment, “nice cock” or “what a huge cock” or similar.
A few times someone has overheard and laughed.
When I was interning at IBM over 20 hears ago, we had just gotten a new rack of servers installed in our lab. One of the woman engineers on the team walked by and commented “nice rack”. I don’t think she was even trying to make a joke, but that was where my mind immediately went.
That reminds me of this.
One of my favorite foods is shepherd’s pie. I’m guilty of asking the wait staff if theirs is made with real shepherd. My buddy will publicly chastise me and deservedly so.
In our house when someone assumes, they make an ‘ass out of um and e’. Maybe it was funny the first time, but now even the meta joke is played out.
The website “quote investigator” indicates a 1957 publication (automotive ad copy) but thinks it’s older than that.
If you’re in America, you’re probably eating cottage pie, anyway.
I cringe a bit inside when someone recommends a “really good!” shepherd’s pie recipe and the first ingredient is ground beef.
OTOH, in my neck of the woods (in America) it’s not too hard to find lamb pie. One place, though, really baffled me.
I asked the waiter about ingredients (lamb mince, veggies diced from fresh rather than bagged frozen mix, etc.) and he agreed they all were.
And they were.
But the lid on it was unmistakably instant mashed potatoes.
oh, that just reminded me of one of my favorites.
“Wanna screw?” (holding a screw in the palm of my hand below eye level).
And another time I met the mother of one of my daughter’s kindergarten class-mates for the first time, and she asked me whether I was Baby Mogul’s dad. Before I could stop myself, I told her that’s what my wife tells me.
Caulk is my go-to, since I pronounce it the same as cock.
One time early in the morning I was in an elevator at work. I guy walked in, and I’m not making this up, with his lunch in his hands and a banana in his pocket! I almost exploded, but I managed to NOT say, “Is that a banana in your pocket or are you just happy to see me?”
I didn’t know him, and he was young and not born in the USA. I didn’t think it would go over well.
Good call - you might have ended up in the same situation as this guy:
I was able to use that joke in college! I took a banana out of the student union; put it in my pants. As I was walking to the dorm, a friend sees me and says “Is that a banana in your pants, or are you happy to see me?” Of course, I grab the banana and say “It’s a banana!”
Omg, how have I never heard this before? I can’t wait to use it.
I may have perpetrated one of these the other day. I was out running and overtook a man walking his German Shepherd. He clearly heard me approaching from behind and was careful to keep the hound on a short leash as I passed, for which I thanked him (as I appreciate the consideration). I then turned and without stopping called out “I’d run a lot faster if he was off the lead!”. Almost immediately I realised he may have heard this (new to me) witticism many times before, or even found the implication that his beloved pet was a raving monster unless restrained rather upsetting and offensive. But I got a brief chuckle in acknowledgement, so I’m not too worried.