You don’t understand. Caulk sounds almost exactly like cock!
To me they sound identical. And that’s hilarious.
I mean, SNL did a 5 minute sketch built entirely around essentially the same joke.
When someone says something that happens to rhyme I try to jump in and say “You’re a poet and you’re not aware you are” before someone says the tired old phrase and acts like they’ve just been clever.
24 posts in and no one mentioned “that’s what she said!”
Which I still find hilarious when used correctly.
Only in some dialects. It seemed like quite a stretch to me upon first reading.
Close enough to mine which is, when up to my elbows in cooking mess, some looky-loo lumbers over, declares it ‘smells good,’ and offers to help by, get this, tasting for me!
Hysterical spelling jokes really show that the writer is wise to my scams and isn’t to be trifled with: Micro$oft, ePay, Trumb/Trumpf/Drump, Obiden.
I don’t know whether it’s the sort of thing that belongs in this thread or not, but: I am so over people who think it’s clever to refer to Target as “Tar-zhay” or McDonald’s as “Mickey D’s.” If I ever do so, you have my permission to kick me as hard as you want.
Agreed. Though having had four kids (in under six years) between my wife and I we find it’s been replaced by “and that’s why we have all these kids” in most cases 
There was a teacher named Prufrock in my son’s junior high school. When my son met him, he said, “Do you measure out your life in coffee spoons?”
Given the my kid was in 8th grade at the time, it was forgivable. (And I was actually a little proud that he knew the reference, given the utter lack of attention to poetry in his school.) Still, if I were named Prufrock I’m sure I’d get tired of all the Love Song jokes. On the other hand, I’d know that my interlocutor was at least a bit literate.
Alternate version I recently heard somewhere…
Wife: I’m pregnant.
Husband: Hi pregnant, I’m dad!
Wife: No, you’re not.
A friend of mine is named Rich. Every time he hears, "Hey Rich! Are you rich? [Haw! Haw!] or “Hey Rich! If you’re rich, gimme some money!” he sort of smiles, shakes his head and says, “Never heard that one before.” His location has more than its share of rednecks, hillbillies, morons, and trash, so it’s not wise to deliberately piss someone off. You never know if they have a CCW permit.
Me, obviously busy: “Hi! Give me just one second, and I’ll be right with you, sir.”
Customer: “One Mississippi. That was one second! Hur-der-hurrr!”
(I NEVER say, “I’ll be with you in one second!” anymore. Especially because some will take the “with you” part waaaayyy too far, into “no longer remotely appropriate” category.)
The worst thing you can ever do is make a joke of a person’s name. If you can, they’ve probably heard it before.
I have a name that could be construed as a two-word sentence, with a noun (my first name) and a verb (my last name.) Lots of people do. In my entire life, no one ever made a joke of it. One day while researching a story, I called the PR person for a local organization. Her response to me was “Wow. I’ll bet you get a lot of jokes about THAT name!” Seriously. Very first thing. I coldly replied “No, I do not. You’re the only person who’s been so rude.” It actually made me a little paranoid. It’s been more than 30 years and I still remember it.
I mean, do people say to someone whose name is Carpenter “Bet you’re good with a hammer and saw?” Or someone whose name is Lawyer “Can I see your briefs?”
I once walked right by D. B. Sweeney at the Fabulous Forum and mightily resisted saying “Toe pick” in a falsetto voice.
That movie is one of my guilty pleasures (and a lot of people’s apparently, because I am often surprised how many people know that reference.) But I’m not sure I would enjoy leaving that movie as my legacy.
My first name is also a verb. Grew up hearing those jokes A LOT. They’ve slowed down now that I’m getting older, but they still show up from time to time.
I’m also quite tall and I used to get the “how’s the weather up there?” a lot. Again, this has slowed down.
I love it, too. My younger sister saw it in a theater with my mom, and there was guy behind them that was laughing his ass off. That made her enjoy it even more. The guy especially loved the line about not keeping him from the trough.