“Rectum? Damn near killed ‘em!”
Also, when somebody asks if so-and-so are coming?
“Coming? They aren’t even breathing heavy yet.”
Can we retire “lighten up Francis?” Stripes came out 42 years ago.
I know a guy called Pete Mitchell, he’s a pilot. Now I know people refer to him as “Maverick” behind his back, but I don’t know him well enough to know if he gets called “Maverick” to his face. So far I’ve been able to not mention it.
My girlfriend is about to spend a day working with someone called Charles Wood. Surely he goes by “Chuck”? But if he doesn’t I wouldn’t want to even think about calling him that.
I recently worked with someone whose last name is “Rogers”. An ex Air Force pilot, he goes by “Buck”. Sometimes you just have to own it.
“Don’t tell me what kind of day to have!”
Lighten up, Francis.
In the military, nicknames are a big thing. I worked with a Capt Nutz, pronounced like nootz. The list of nicknames he generated was huge.
We had a new head of security at work. His name was Don King. I am ashamed to say that the first thing I said upon meeting him I was: “I was expecting big hair.” He rolled his eyes.
Living the dream… waking up screaming, cold sweats and all.
Nightmares are dreams, too.
Teamwork makes the …
Me: don’t say it, don’t say it, please for the love of everything holy don’t fucking say it …
Team work.
I just happened to notice there are currently 69 replies in this thread. Nice.
Wait, now there are 70. 
My version of the corollary statement: “There is no I in team … but there is ‘meat.’”
Or petcock jokes?
Guess not, it’s a shame because it was original once four decades ago.
Most springs at some point I’ll look at a calendar and mention that easter falls on a Sunday this year. I’ll bet 90% of the time the person I’m talking to calmly explains that it is always on a Sunday.
When a reporter says “Those are the facts…” I have to add “…Jack”.
Different movies, but same era.
Anyone mentions Badcock Furniture, I’m obligated to say, “Better than no cock at all!” And it’s not even true.
Got this from The Simpsons:
Jesus is pissed his birthday falls on Christmas.
Five or six years ago, on the first day of the quarter, I was taking roll. Most of the students were young, probably born in the late '90s. When I called “Tenille” (first name), though, the woman who said “here” was a bit older. I quipped “hmmm, I’m guessing you were born in the mid-70s?” She replied “1975!” I nodded knowingly, and moved on with the roll-call, while the youngsters all looked confused.
I certainly wasn’t making fun of her, I hope she didn’t take it that way. She didn’t seem to.
Related, in that it’s not really a joke but a tired, overused saying often used in a business context:
“When you ‘assume’ something, you make an ‘ass’ out of ‘u’ and ‘me’.”