Dumbest ideas in all of literature

[TBG]

@Skald_the_Rhymer

When we do such things, it is to state that the movie is so incredibly bad that no amount of mockery can overstate its badness.

It’s still annoying and comes off as childish, fingers in the ear, “Icanthearyou” type nonsense.

@foolsguinea

I appear to be the only person who thinks Zeist was an appropriate idea betrayed by a horribly executed movie.

Well, it being dumb goes beyond just them being aliens, which in and of itself could’ve worked had they just left it at something simple like “hey some aliens dump kids off at Earth periodically for unknown reasons”. It would’ve been dumb as a followup to the first movie, but hardly a candidate for this thread.

But no, instead they were adult aliens, who all knew each other, then they come to Earth and are turned into infants for some reason, are found and raised by humans, and think they are humans, and age like humans, until such time as they are killed and become immortals, which for some reason for each and every one of them happens to be at the exact same age they were back when they left the home planet, even though each of them got dumped on Earth at completely different points in time for some reason. Horrible execution or horrible idea, it still makes sparkly vampires look almost genius in comparison. Hell, even Scientology makes more sense than this idea did.

[Lamia]

It’s funny how many of these examples come from popular movies.

[Sparrow]

@ianzin

Dr No: trying to kill Bond by putting a tarantula in his room or in his bed.

1. If you can get into Bond’s room to put a spider there, why not just wait until he comes back and shoot or stab him, or use any of the many other ways of hurting people that have been tried and tested for centuries?

2. The only thing a spider will do in such circumstances is try to find somewhere dark and undisturbed, where it can stay perfectly still and safe for its own protection for as long as possible. The idea that it would try to ‘attack’ Bond or bite him is utterly absurd. Bond isn’t prey. Bond isn’t even close to being prey. The spider knows this.

3. Tarantula bites are rarely if ever even a serious problem for healthy adults, let alone fatal. Uncomfortable and unwelcome, yes, but not a serious problem. ‘Dr No’ would know this.

4. Even if this creature were dangerous (which it isn’t), and even if it were crawling towards or even over Bond in a dangerous way (which it would never do), it would be child’s play to deal with. One simple flick with the back of the hand would send it flying. Tarantulas, like all spiders, are very light and fragile. When you handle a tarantula, the hardest thing is not hurting it.

Yeah, I know it the movie it meant they could have their ‘oooh, scary spider’ scene. But this thread is about dumb ideas, and this ‘plan’ is exceedingly dumb.

Wasn’t it a scorpion in the book? Which really might sting a person if it got into their bed, and could kill them. I guess they had to make it a tarantula for the movie because a scorpion might really sting their star?

:eek:

[DiggitCamara]

@ianzin

Dr No: trying to kill Bond by putting a tarantula in his room or in his bed.

1. If you can get into Bond’s room to put a spider there, why not just wait until he comes back and shoot or stab him, or use any of the many other ways of hurting people that have been tried and tested for centuries?

2. The only thing a spider will do in such circumstances is try to find somewhere dark and undisturbed, where it can stay perfectly still and safe for its own protection for as long as possible. The idea that it would try to ‘attack’ Bond or bite him is utterly absurd. Bond isn’t prey. Bond isn’t even close to being prey. The spider knows this.

3. Tarantula bites are rarely if ever even a serious problem for healthy adults, let alone fatal. Uncomfortable and unwelcome, yes, but not a serious problem. ‘Dr No’ would know this.

4. Even if this creature were dangerous (which it isn’t), and even if it were crawling towards or even over Bond in a dangerous way (which it would never do), it would be child’s play to deal with. One simple flick with the back of the hand would send it flying. Tarantulas, like all spiders, are very light and fragile. When you handle a tarantula, the hardest thing is not hurting it.

Yeah, I know it the movie it meant they could have their ‘oooh, scary spider’ scene. But this thread is about dumb ideas, and this ‘plan’ is exceedingly dumb.

Worst of all: this idea has even ben recycled, time and time again!

One of the relatively recent recyclings manages to be even dumber (Star Wars, Episode II).

1. For some reason the senator Amidala has had one (or several) attempts on her life
2. The bounty hunter assigned to kill her decides to kill her using… some kind of centipedes(?)
3. The robotic drone used to send those animals returns to her

The question is… why, in God’s name does she choose to kill her victim in this awkward fashion? Couldn’t she have used the drone itself to flood the room with poisonous, inodorous gas? Or for that matter, have it enter the room and explode? Or something?

And even if for some reason she couldn’t use any of these killing methods… why on earth does she recall the stupid drone, thus providing a way to trace her? And when she spots someone in hot pursuit of said drone, why doesn’t she simply leave? Why draw attention to herself?

It doesn’t even further the story’s progress, because she in turn is killed after a “thrilling” (read: stupid) chase without releasing any information about the plot against Amidala.

[silenus]

@Little_Nemo

No, it happened after the libertopia was formed. It’s been a long time since I read the book but as I recall the “explanation” was that primates supposedly always had the ability to talk but just never used it. Until one day they just decided they should. I don’t remember why America had a noticeable population of primates in the first place.

My speculation is that Smith just thought the whole Planet of the Apes idea which was popular at the time was cool.

Nope. The apes “speak” by using vocoders on their wrists that respond to cues from the muscles and tendons. The only “enhanced” being in the books is the coyote.

On another note, RAH specifically states in Starship Troopers that a tank division wouldn’t last a minute against a single MI in armor.

[CalMeacham]

Wasn’t it a scorpion in the book? Which really might sting a person if it got into their bed, and could kill them. I guess they had to make it a tarantula for the movie because a scorpion might really sting their star?

Yup – see my post #28.
By the way – it’s pretty clear that they didn’t really have the tarantula on Connery’d body. He looks too damned flat – I think maybe they rear-projected him.

[WotNot]

@CalMeacham

Yup – see my post #28.
By the way – it’s pretty clear that they didn’t really have the tarantula on Connery’d body. He looks too damned flat – I think maybe they rear-projected him.

I was just reading that they apparently had the spider crawling on a sheet of glass between Connery and the camera for that shot – in other shots, they used a body double.

To be fair to Fleming, he’s just using a standard trope of the genre. It is at least slightly less dumb than the previously mentioned “Speckled Band” – and I don’t suppose it was a new idea then, either.