Dune ........The Musical!

Cafe Society
1

(The interior of the Ducal stronghold on Arrakis. The Harkonnens are in possession, having routed House Atreides. Duke Leto has been captured, as have the Lady Jessica and Paul. This is the David Lynch version, and Baron Vladmir Harkonnen, with his case of terminal acne, floats gloating in the Thron Room, attended by the Mentat Piter de Vries and The Beast Rabban. Feyd Rautha, looking a lot like Sting, bursts in.)

Feyd: Baron, we have captured Thufir Hawat, he Mentat of House Atreides!

Baron: Hawat! Excellent! He is the best Mentat in th Galaxy! House Harkonen is now the only House with two mentats!

de Vries: (A bit needled at being called econd best) Actually, my Lord, the plural is “Menata”.

Baron: (too triumphant to be needled in turn) “Mentata”, then.
(Sings)
Harkonennen Mentata
What a wonderful phrase!

Rabban: Harkonnen Mentata
Ain’t no passin’ phase!

Baron: It means no worries
For the rest of our Days

All: It’s our problem-free
Technocracy!

    Harkonnen Mentata!

Feyd: Now when he was the Beast Rab-ban…

Rabban:(badly) When I was the Beast Raaaaaaa-baaaan!

Feyd: (sotto voce) Very nice.

Rabban: (eating) Thanks!

Feyd: He found his persona lacked a certain appeal
He could clear the planet
After every meal.

Rabban: I know that seem thick-skinned
But it hurt that my friends aways stayed
Down-winnnnnnnd

Feyd: And oh, the shame
Rabban: Yes, the shame!
Feyd: Wouldn’t mention his name
Rabban: My Name!
Feyd: And he felt down-hearted
Rabban: Down Hearted!
Feyd: Every time that he
Rabban: Not in front of the Baron!

(Beat)

Feyd and Rabban: Harkonnen Mentata!
What a Wonderful phrase!
Harkonnen Mentata!
Ain’t no passin’ phase!
Baron: (Vaulting over the top on his anti-grav belt to form the apex of a pyramid)
It means no worries
For he rest of my days.

All: It’s our problem-free
Philosophy

   Harkonnen Mentata

Piter: You say “Mentats-a”
Baron You say “Mentata”
Piter: “Mentats-a”
Baron" Mentata"

All: Harkonnen Mentata!!!

(Tableau of them in formation. Fade out.)

2

:smiley: Applauds

3

I reall y liked the part with the song about the stuff.

When does the worm sing?

4

(Tune of Henry Mancini’s “Charade”)
Worm:

When we made our Melange
We were like worms excreting…

Ride on my back, ride on my back

then we’ll make our Melange…

5

Me and my Shadout,
Hating all the Harkonens,
Me and my Shadout,
We know a crysknife must be cleansed . . .

We know that there’s a trap,
But we don’t know where,
And when we look,
There’s no-one there . . .

Just me and my Shadout,
Forshadowing with eyes of blue . . .

< instrumental bridge >

We know that there’s a trap,
But we don’t know where,
And when we look,
There’s no-one there . . .

Just me and my Shadout,
Forshadowing with eyes of blue . . .

6

I got a worm right here,
his name is Paul Revere.
And there’s a guy right here,
says if the weather’s clear
Can do!
The guy says the worm can do!

7

I had a dream about something like this once. Freaky.
I’m sure, ** If I were a mentat ** would fit in there somewhere…

8

Hey kids, shake it loose together
The spotlight’s hitting something
That’s been known to change the weather
We’ll kill House Harkonnen tonight
So stick around
You’re gonna see a brand-new weapon
Solid walls of sound

Say, Kwisatz Haderach, have you seen him yet
All tricked out by the Bene Gesserit
Oh but they’re weird and they’re wonderful
Paul Atreides’ really keen
He’s got them Fremen troops-- in blue stillsuits
You know I read it in a magazine

B-b-b-bene–
Bene Gesserit

9

Hee!
Keep 'em coming!

10

…is nothing sacred ?

:slight_smile:

11

Apparently not, Zumpel. :smiley:

I wish I could come up with this sort of stuff. It’s so very very wrong on so many levels, it’s right in a really twisted, sick way. Keep it up!

12

The Harkonnen anthem…

Handcuffs and collars and things that restrain you.
Whips, clubs, and lashes and things that will pain you.
Acid and salt and the things that will sting.
These are a few of my favorite things…

13

A friend of mine actually was working on one. With orginal music, not parodies… but these are really funny, too.

14

sigh…the gerbils ate my response…so here it is again…

This, of course, is Paul’s show-stopping classic country number…

When I was just a baby,
My mama told me “Son,
You’re the Qwizatz Hadderach,
You’ll never need a gun!”

But I’m stuck here on Arakkis,
And time goes by, you know…
And those Fremen keep on fightin,
Because the spice must flow…

I really wanted to do something with “San Quentin”, but I didn’t get any farther than, “Arakkis, you’ve been living hell to me…”

15

to the tune of “Superstar”

Sung by Aliyah at the end-

PAUL MU-AD’DIB
OUR FREMEN MAHDI-
it’s raining now but how
can these things be?
PAUL MU-AD’DIB
OF ARRAKIS
proclaimed Kwizatz Haderach
by your Little Sis!

16

When Paul meets his future wife, whatever her name was, she sings:

Hey Mua’Dib you’re so fine
you’re so fine you blow my mind
Hey Mua’Dib! Mua’Dib!

Hey Mua’Dib you’re so fine
you’re so fine you blow my mind
Hey Mua’Dib! Mua’Dib!

Hey Mua’Dib
You’ve been in a little fight
but that is not wrong
his water is your right
So I sing this little song
I’ll come to you in the night
And you can do me, Mua’Dib (echo)

(chorus)
Oh Mua’dib, what a pity that you are omnipotent
Water of life, you’ve imbibed
To make the world alive
Oh Mua’dib you’re so pretty
Can’t you understand
It’s guys like you Mua’dib
I want to do Mua’dib
Do Mua’dib
Don’t break my heart Mua’dib.

Hey Mua’Dib you’re so fine
you’re so fine you blow my mind
Hey Mua’Dib! Mua’Dib!

Hey Mua’Dib you’re so fine
you’re so fine you blow my mind
Hey Mua’Dib! Mua’Dib!

ad nauseum

17

Anyone ever notice that Fatboy Slim quotes Dune in his big song(the one where Chris Walken dances in the video)?

There’s a line where he says something like, “Walk without a pattern, so you don’t attract the worms”, which is right from the book.

18

I believe the line is: “Walk without rhythm. It won’t attract the worm.”

But, yeah, I thought that was cool when I first heard the song too.

19

This really is sick, y’know.

Keep it coming! :smiley:

20

To the tune of Roxanne sung by Sting/Feyd

Muad’Dib
You don’t have to drink the Water of Life
Those days are over
You don’t have to stab me with your crysknife

Muad’Dib
You don’t have to wear that still-suit tonight
Walk the sands for melange
You don’t care if the worms will bite

Muad’Dib
You don’t have to drink the Water of Life

Chani loved you since she knew ya
She wouldn’t talk down to ya
She has to tell you just how she feels
She won’t share you with Irulan
I know her mind is full of fear
So put away your Fremen gear
Told you once I won’t tell you again

It’s a bad way
Muad’Dib
You don’t have to drink the Water of Life
Muad’Dib
You don’t have to drink the Water of Life