Dying alone: what safety measures are feasible?

My mom has one of those safety buttons to push in case she falls or whatever. I got it for her.

She’s 92. Has fallen twice and each time broke a hip. She’s barely mobile now.

But. She. Won’t wear it. It’s a tiny little thing that she can wear on her wrist or on a lanyard around her neck, but she has excuse after excuse for not wearing it. she keeps it on her walker. Over Thanksgiving I found it laying on the floor four times.

I live a hundred miles away. It’s not like I can just pop in and check on her. Drives me crazy. This one thing that I will not back down on, but nagging her doesn’t seem to work.

Yes, that sucks. Does she give a valid reason for not wearing it. My mother found the strap of hers too itchy to wear to bed so she would take it off and place it on her nightstand. Two nights before I was due to come over to replace it with something softer, she fell in the bathroom during the night and was on the floor for several hours, about 10 feet away from her call button. I want one on a comfortable wrist strap. An Apple watch is not my favorite idea (I’m an Android user) but it beats laying helpless on a cold bathroom floor.

This article rates smartwatches for life alert purposes, including Android ones. I’ve already picked out one for me~I had life alert™️ service for a year or so-cancelled it because so many false alarms annoyed my emergency contacts. Plus it cost $45 a month-just not worth it.

Pro tip: it doesn’t work if you don’t have it on your person. Close is no cigar. If it is awkward or uncomfortable it won’t be worn.

Not as far as I’m concerned she doesn’t. The one around her neck ‘dangles’ too much. BUT she always has a camisole, tee-shirt and some sort of fleece top on. Just hang it between your fleece and tee-shirt. Problem solved.

She won’t wear the elastic, adjustable wrist band one because she washes her hands too much. It’s water proof. And she could just slid it up her forearm for few minutes anyway. It is adjustable AND elastic.

The last time I could not get ahold of my mom for some 4 hours, I was ready to hit the road. Instead I called my cousin (she is much much closer) and she left work to check on her.

Was this >.< close to call the police for a welfare check. But how often can I realistically do that before they cart her away?

She told me to stop ‘scolding’ her for not wearing it. I told her I’m going to continue to do so until she starts wearing it. Nothing I can do though when I’m not there and can’t observe that she has it on.

Sorry to her about your mom carnut. I hope that perhaps that opened her eyes a bit.

Thanks, but in her case it was a sign of the end. She had metastatic breast cancer that spread to spine, the reason for her fall. We did know it was coming.

In the case of your mom, it might be that the elastic causes her to itch. My mom’s was the cheapest thing she could find and the neck strap was irritating the heck out of her. I’d opt for something softer. I suspect your mom is irritated by it just because she isn’t used to the weight and way of it.

That is part of it I think. It really can’t be irritating IMHO, and I don’t think she has ever even tried the wrist band one. The other part is that she used to be so very independent, and now she has to count on me and others.

That sucks for sure. I’m going to have to have the talk though that her not wearing it amps up my worry by about four 24/7.

She did recognize when she got to the point that she could not drive anymore. I never had to bring it up. She’s not unreasonable.

I suspect that’s a big part of it. Wearing the device is a constant reminder that she’s not as independent as she used to be (or as she would like to be).

Whereas I see the device as a way to help me stay independent even though I’m having physical troubles.

As the daughter of a 80+ year old narcissistic mom, I’ve come to believe that my mom would regard such a button as an instant remote control to get narcissistic supply from her network.

She used to do that for a while with her landline phone. In between calls SHE wanted to make, she would lay the phone off the hook. If someone came to her house worried, she would sweetly and innocently say, with a gleam in her eye, that she just had misplaced the hook, such complicated devices, hahaha, and that she was really sorry to have caused such a fuss . Oh, like hell she wasn’t sorry.

Such asisstance knobs are so expensive becase you pay not just for the device, but for the time and availability of a switchboard employee to deal with the false alarms.

I’m thinking to use the system used in handicapped toilets. Just a pull wire running along the walls, that sets off a loud alarm. Bathroom emergency pullstring - Wikipedia The alarm would call in the neigbours, quickly, if only to silence the damn alarm. Neighbours with a key and a list of telephone numbers. And my mom would NOT be able to play the innocent that she hadn’t noticed the loud blaring alarm. Also, she would not like to listen to that alarm for a few hours untill the neighbours came home, so less chance of a false alarm just because she was bored.

Do any of you children with good-willing aging parents just tell them how difficult they make life for others by sabotaging the alarm systems?

I talked about this with my mothers community nurse. She also starts to burn out over my mom because my mom loves to make a battle out of her insulin injections about half the time. The nurse now says, I’m here to inject you with insulin, take it or leave it but I’m not going to plead and convince you for the twentieth time.
The nurse said, baiscally, that my mom won’t go to a caring facility ( as averyone around her desperately wishes) as long as there are people who are willing to help her at home. And each of those people is now complaining to me that mom is making life so difficult for them and that it is my duty as daughter to step in. To which I say, Why do you think I moved three hours away 30 yeras ago? I already care for my dad and my brother cares for my mom, and my brother also lives mostly abroad.

Aging parents can be lovely but caring for a narcissistic parent? Impossible without some iron-clad personal borders.

Mods, if I still may update this thread, there are some interesting new developments. Per The Atlantic:

Another example of an age-old old-age technology with an uncertain but potentially promising future is Personal Emergency Response Systems (PERS) devices, which often take the form of an emergency-call necklace that can summon help in the event of a fall. Just 2 percent of the U.S.’s 65-plus population subscribe to such services. Part of the issue may be cost, but in the United Kingdom, where the National Health Service foots the bill for consumers, the adoption rate is still a lackluster 16 percent. If the main problem isn’t cost, it may have to do with self-image. As Pew reported in 2009, only 35 percent of people 75 and up say they feel old; 100 percent, though, it’s safe to assume, recognize that PERS are for older adults. People are dying as a result of this disconnect—because they fail to obtain a much-needed PERS device or else, if they have one, because they refuse to use it.

Disturbingly, in one small 2010 German study, 83 percent of PERS wearers who laid on the floor for at least 5 minutes after taking a fall failed to press the button to summon help. It wasn’t because they couldn’t physically press it, many later explained—it was that they simply wanted to manage the situation themselves, with no help from emergency services. That revealed preference suggests a product concept that is every bit as broken as hearing aids: something few want to own, and even fewer want to use.

Happily, however, an answer may once again be on the way, in the form of genre-bending technologies. The smartphone is one early PERS challenger. Even though a PERS device is perhaps the easiest product to use in the event of an emergency, a cellphone is arguably a better emergency technology for the simple reason that people actually go out of their way to own them, carry them on their person, and use them. It’s easy to see why: Whereas a PERS device signifies a decline into isolated dependency, a cellphone represents a healthy social network at one’s fingertips. As of 2014, 77 percent of Americans 65 and older own cellphones, making smartphone fall-detection apps that much more promising.

But a perhaps even bigger improvement on PERS is still on its way. Dina Katabi, a colleague of mine at MIT, has developed a fall-detection system that relies on wifi-like radio signals to determine—through walls—whether someone is upright and breathing in their home. Currently, Emerald, as it’s known, is a standalone technology that is not yet on the market, but it’s easy to imagine it or something like it finding its way into smart-home hubs like the Amazon Echo or Google Home. Soon, such devices could alert emergency services if users take a nasty spill, experience a stroke, or choke on an olive pit while home alone (something that can happen at any age), obviating traditional PERS setups.