I wish I had something more to share but I just had to say " Bless your heart" . When I read your op I swear I just shook my head and said that very thing.
Well, I thought the old ‘emerging from restroom trailing four feet of toilet paper stuck to your shoe, oblivious’ only happened in the movies. Nope, it happened to me. At the White Spot on Douglas Street. I got halfway across the full restaurant before a waiter stopped me. He was laughing.
Heck, so was I. I mean, I thought it only happened in the movies.
A co-worker was at the reception counter for rentals in our office, with a “tail” of toilet paper coming out of the back of her trousers. Someone noticed, I hissed at her too, but she reached back and didn’t feel it (she was a very large lady) and I had to yank it out. (Not my favourite favour). Then she put it in my recycling bin. I am sure that’s her worst ‘swallow me now’ experience.
I am sure that I have many more moments in my own past, but I try to blot them out.
Working at my restaurant managing a buffet for the Vintner’s Club, I noticed that the female speaker was incredibly hot. We flirted off and on, but my enthusiasm quickly faded when she mentioned her husband in a speech.
I was kinda bitter, so I was talking to my waiter friends during a break moment, when I said “I bet she’s not really married.” My friends pointed behind me… There she was, walking behind me.
If she noticed, she didn’t hold it against me. I was super duper embarrassed though ><
Ok, I’m having trouble imagining how on earth you could end up with a tail of toilet paper coming out of your pants. Do some people “floss” with the toilet paper, then just give up and leave it there? So very weird.
I don’t really have a story to share (either nothing that embarrassing has happened to me, or I’ve completely blocked it from my memory!)
I do remember one girl, in grade 8 or so, had obviously started her period and either didn’t notice, or it was her first ever and didn’t know what to do with it… she sat on top of a desk next to me with her legs a little apart, and her jeans were all red. I didn’t know what to tell her, so I didn’t say anything, but it must have been so embarrassing for her! There was even a little red stain on the desk once she left.
My guess (not having had it happen to me) is that they take more tissue then they need and wipe while sitting, then toss the paper into the bowl between their legs through the front. The paper is intercepted by the rear waistband of their pants/skirt and then as the pants/skirt is hiked back into place while crouch/standing, it falls mostly, but not entirely, out the back.
He’s got a point. We’ve all had those nightmares where we’re in school, and we go to a class, only to find out it’s a final, and we haven’t studied or brought any notes or anything?
Well, I don’t. Not since it happened to me in real life.
Twice.
More college fun: my first year, I took a public speaking course as part of the graduation requirments. As is common, I was terrified of having to speak in front of a bunch people. The day I’m supposed to give my first speech, I’m hurrying across the quad, and take a short cut across the lawn.
The wet, muddy lawn.
I perform a total wipeout. Legs up in the air, ass hits the ground, I slide a good four feet. I’m totally covered in mud. And I have to give a speech in five minutes.
Once again, public speaking doesn’t really faze me too much anymore.
Well, the nightmare aspect wasn’t exactly the toilet paper scenario, but the idea of looking foolish in public while people laugh and point, but yeah. Actually I’m proud of myself for not bursting into tears or hyperventilating, ultra sensitive wuss that I am. Reading over the replies, I have to admit it could have been a lot worse.
I also walked around for what had to be hours with giant red stains on my pants, in junior high. Didn’t notice till I got home. Ugh. I saw a woman browsing in a store one time with that exact problem. I figured I had to tell her, to save her from further embarassment. She just said, “Oh, thanks”, and continued her browsing. 
There’s a oke that goes like that.
Two twenty somethings and a 76 year old woman were all sitting naked in sauna. There’s a mysterious beeping sound and one of the young ladies looks at her finger, and runs off to use the phone. When she gets back she says “sorry that was my pager, I got one of those new surgically implantable ones”. A little later there’s a ringing sound sound and the other young lady pushes a spot on her hand and says “I got one of ths microchip implanted in your hand cell phones, anyway gotta take this” and “hello…” is heard trailing off as she goes off to the corner. Well she comes back and the old lady is feeling out of place so not to be out done she runs off to the bathroom and comes back with a piece of toilet paper coming out her rear and says “would you look at that? I’m getting a fax.”
I somehow missed the first reply, d’oh! - thanks for the welcome!
One day I saw a girl with a huge red stain on the back of her skirt (don’t worry…I’m sure it wasn’t you). I should have told her, but I didn’t know what I could say that wouldn’t make the inevitable embarrassment worse for her. In my stupid mind, it was easier for the both of us for her to go around completely oblivious. When I discover blood on my clothes, I like holding on to the hope that no one noticed.
I hope if it ever happens again, I’ll be kind enough to let the other person know.
(By the way, everyone with menstrual scare stories, or the potential? Warm (not hot) salt water takes the fresh stain out like it was nothin’. Won’t save your dignity, but it might save your new khaki skirt!)
Oh god, menstrual problems.
When I was 15, I had an incident in India. When you’re a teen you often bleed a lot. We spent a whole day walking around all the temples. You’re not supposed to be in the fucking temples if you have your period to start with. I mean, they don’t say a damn thing but it’s the old-fashioned ideal. And plus India is notoriously strait-laced and was a lot more 16 years ago. I don’t think I’ve still gotten over it.
My most recent one was when I fell down Easter Saturday. In the grocery store parking lot. With tons of people there. Over a painted line.
Eek.
I was on a flight to Hawaii sitting near the rear of the plane. A ‘matronly’ woman came out of the real bathroom and walked quite a ways up the aisle to her seat.
Yep, 2 feet of TP trailing along (out of her waistband).
Nobody said anything at the time. I think someone may have said something when we landed.
So, Ms. Pumpkin, you should feel better. At least it was only on your shoe, and you didn’t trailor it for thousands of miles.
…
I had been out at a street fair, and popped into this ubercool, hipster hair salon to give it a try. My ice cream cone chose that moment, of course, to disintegrate in my hand and distribute the tail end of mint chocolate chip all over. Bending down to clean it off, I saw that there was mustard all over my pants from a previous hot dog incident. I was mortified. Stayed for my haircut, but escaped into the washroom after to change into some pants I had fortuitously just bought.
Actually, that’s the rule: tell the person if the problem is easily fixed (e.g. toilet paper); if it can’t be easily fixed, say nothing.
I work retail…
I was stocking some lower shelves, on my knees when I detected a person standing next to me. I said “Yes sir…” as I turned
to face the person obviously about 1/3 of the way through a male to female gender reassignment…
…er, ma am… err I am so sorry!"
Luckily the person had a sense of humour and laughed (sincerely)…
S/he said s/he gets that a lot…
Odd thing is s/he wanted some very macho stuff (barb wire fencing stapler, fencing pliers, etc)
regards’
FML
You know, the stain actually came right out (my mom always used a paste of MSG and water and sis had some handy) yet I don’t think I’ve worn that skirt since. :o
Well, yours may well have been the nicest reaction she’s dealt with; you actually cared about respecting her gender identity and preferred titles. Thank you for that!
A few weeks ago I was at dinner at a fancy restaurant with some friends of mine who are MTF. It wasn’t even a close call – they were wearing pearls, for Chrissakes – and yet the waiters sirred them all the way through the meal. Around the second or third time it happened, we gave them a good piece of our minds.
I didn’t get braces until I was older - 24 if I recall correctly. One night I went to a bar - a very crowded bar - with some friends. As we were making our way through, someone gave me a bit of shove from behind at the exact same time that a very tall man stepped in front of me. A very tall man in a sweater. I did a face plant smack in the middle of his chest and when I tried to pull away, I discovered my braces were snagged on his sweater. It took well over 5 minutes to get loose of him. He was a jerk about it too so there was nothing to redeem the experience.
Ha! If only you knew the multitude of ways I’ve embarrassed myself by spilling any combination of coffee, chocolate, milk, etc. on myself and others in all kinds of ways in front of paying customers. And making coffee drinks is my job.
During high school basketball practice, I ended up behind the guy I was supposed to defend against–which was embarrassing enough in context–and then someone passed to him. I was at least four inches taller than him* and he was jumping, and my mouth happened to be open at that moment…
The back of his head knocked into my teeth, in one of the most bizarre sports incidents of my life. I ended up with a mouthful of afro and he with a row of tooth marks on the top of his freakin’ head.
- He could still play basketball because the fucker had moves like LaDainian Tomlinson, and his stocky and muscular build allowed for him to physically outplay much taller opponents. Not to mention that he could knock you into next Wednesday in a mosh pit before you even knew you were moshing.