That’s what U.K. grandmother Tracey Wenn yelled as she stabbed her partner in the leg with a kitchen knife after he scarfed the pork-chop dinner she had prepared for herself. The line was cribbed from this TV commercial, in which a schoolgirl is upset to find that her unhip paretns and brother also like Quorn. According to the Evening Standard, Wenn had cooked the meal the night before and then refrigerated it to eat later - don’t ask me what that’s all about.
Some priceless prose from that article:
‘She said the words, “Eat my food, feel my fork”, which they both accepted was a reference to the Quorn advert. She then stabbed him with the knife.’
Paul Genney, defending, told the court: ‘She meant it as a joke. Had she not been so drunk, she would have poked him with the knife, but, struggling around drunk, she stabbed him.’
Outside court Wenn said she was relieved not to go to jail. 'I just lost it when I found out he had eaten my tea. They were lovely pork chops as well!
Those crazy British people! They claim they’re going to stab you with a fork, then stab you with a knife instead! And they “eat” tea! I can’t tell if they’re all drunk, or merely quaint.
Stories about grandmothers stabbing people with kitchen implements while shouting humorous catchphrases are always heartwarming. I see a potential movie of the week.
That’ll teach him… tining for her porks.
And then they phone home.
Don’t stab me.
Where’s the Beef?, the Movie.
…
See, you Yanks have got the Hoover Dam and Teflon and iPods and putting a man on the moon and all that, but we’ve got drunken grannies saying “eat my pork, feel my fork” and stabbing their partners in the leg for a joke.
Never before have I been so proud to be British!
::Sings “Rule Brittania” before poking self in the eye with a buttered scone dipped in whisky::
Ah, national pride. It’s a beautiful thing.
Well, not with a fork, at least. (A glowing alien finger, maybe.)
This right here is why I love Britain–not Shakespeare, not Monty Python, not Terry Pratchett or double-decker buses or Stonehenge. This is it, folks, right here. 