Just read the all-time best one-star book review on Amazon:
“Book has dangerously sharp paper”
Now that’s a cutting review.
Like most kids, my granddaughters hate the black jelly beans. So they collected all the black ones from their easter baskets and put them in a Ziploc for me. Son-of-a-wrek just brought them to me. I ate 2. Shouldn’t have. Now they are sitting on the counter staring at me. Black licorice is not really my favorite flavor. Plus, I don’t know where those little girls have had their hands. Or if the jelly beans had been on the floor. But they are screaming my name. Eat me beck. You won’t die…eat me beck, you’ll learn to love our lovely licorice flavor. EAT us!!
Excuse me, I gotta go throw them in the pond. Right now.
Last of the testing today to remain on the transplant list: meet with a cardiologist and stress test.
I cannot do the dobutamine stress test. It causes extreme anxiety. Like, hyperventilating, cryfest attack.
What do they initially schedule me for?
Going around with them multiple times, they finally accede and schedule the good ol’ treadmill test.
Get there today and I’m set up for some laying on my back (painful for me), they’ll inject some chemical and blah blah.
No. Treadmill. What are you not grasping? You are not injecting me with anything, I’m not laying on my back for an hour. Just, NO. After a bit of back and forth and reviewing previous tests, they finally switched it to treadmill.
This has been so frustrating. Whose body is it?
“Firefox is installing your updates and will start in a few moments”.
(I don’t have a few moments.)
I’ve gotten worse and worse the past week or so and now am unable to walk unassisted. I got the first available appointment with my doctor… I’m not sure what I’m actually hoping for at this point because I think the “magical cure” train has passed.
Big problem is that I had recruited a friend to drive me there. I’m capable of sitting up, but doing so for long periods (like… an hour) is exhausting and trying to focus makes my vision swim, so driving just doesn’t seem all that safe. Sent her a “Hey, we still on?” text yesterday evening and got a response around 2 AM. Nope, she can’t do it after all. She overdid it cleaning her house and has a sore throat and has other things she needs to do, so… sorry 'bout it, but I’m on my own.
This is really cool because my appointment is at 9:30 and I’d like to leave my house by 8:30. It’s Monday. Most people who are up early have to work. Nobody gets up early on a Monday and has nothing to do and is ready to jump up with no notice and drive people around. Uber would cost $90 round trip and I can only deal with so many strangers in this state. I can’t cancel this appointment. They fill up fast and I can’t wait any longer.
Ughhhhhh
Oh Dorothy I wish I could do something to help you out! This is awful. I think your best choice is in fact Uber and if you need donations to cover the hit to your budget just give a shout out. I’ll be thinking of you.
I got someone! I’m going to have to have some kind of big party for all the people who have come through for me in this.
Hurrah! I hope the doctor is able to give you some good help.
You have no idea how many irl strangers breathed a sigh of relief upon reading that.
To be fair, I don’t either, but I bet it’s a lot.
Thank God you got a driver. Reach out for donations I’ll be glad to throw in a few bucks. You need a gofundme page. Please be careful and make that doctor give you some answers. I’m thinking of you.
sigh
Same old story, repeated yet again.
Complain about management person’s misconduct. Investigation handed over to this person’s direct boss, who once again ensures this person doesn’t face a lick of consequences for her actions.
Successfully made it to and from the doctor. I think this person was a better person to have along anyway- she came in with me and asked good questions. By the time it came to discussing options, I was too wiped out to contribute much, but listened as she and the doc weighed the pros and cons of each. Verdict: no hospital at this point, with the agreement that if I get any worse, I go right to the ER. MRI and blood work and then most likely a neurologist referral to follow, depending on the results. Or maybe regardless of them? She said if the MRI finds something, I see a neurologist. If it doesn’t, I see a neurologist- but both ways, with an MRI on hand that cost a lot less than they would charge me for it.
No real information until then, I guess. She said, ver batim, “There are a few things it could be, all of them bad.” So… that’s encouraging. Mentioned MS or brain tumor several times. But also said sometimes a vitamin deficiency can have weird effects, so, maybe it’s that. Or some kind of infection. Maybe I just need amoxicillin and kale. Oh lord, I’ll end up being one of those people who is vegetarian for ages and then “got really sick” and then feels the need to tell every vegetarian I meet for the rest of my life about how I used to be vegetarian, too, until my brain glitched out and it turned out the cure was carne adasa.
The next challenge is scheduling the MRI. The imaging place said they can do middle of next week. The doc says it needs to be done NOW. No more than two or three days. She says she’ll call them in the morning and see what she can work out.
So. That’s the news.
Thanks – we appreciate the updates! Looking forward to your post that says “Two helpings of carne asada a day for the rest of my life and I’m a normal human being!”
Oh, answers. Sorta. I’m glad you’re getting the MRI. I think your doing the right thing. Keep us posted.
This made me laugh out loud, so clearly your writing is still excellent.
Keep on keeping on!
SurrenderDorothy - are you eligible for state medical assistance? And hopefully the cure is carne asada and not amoxicillin and kale. No one should eat kale.
They say it’s better if you blanch it, but that seems like a lot of work.
A lot of futile work in my experience. Kale is NOT my favorite green.
Sorry guys. I was quoting a commercial for some investment firm. 
They do say that but they also lie. A lot. I’m not convinced that kale is supposed to be eaten at all.
My brain has been super stupid lately. I feel crazy most of the time. I can’t sleep when I want to sleep, I get tired at random points of the day, I’m having really vivid dreams all the time. I had a full on major depressive episode last week. I think it all has to do with stress. I’m stressed about work and my daughter and its bleeding into everything. I just wish I could deal with this all better. Most people don’t respond to a problem at work with suicidal thoughts. Most people don’t lose sleep when a person is maybe slightly irritated with them. Staaappp brain!
(My daughter is in the process of being diagnosed with ADHD and/or Autism. She’s also just like eating paper and salt and mouthing rocks and stuff and I’m really concerned about that. She has a her appointment with her pediatrician in a week so I should just chill. )