How is it possible to spill half a cup of iced coffee into my purse when there’s a damn lid on the cup? Why was I stupid enough to think balancing the cup on my center console would work “only for a second”?
And the liner can’t be taken out to wash…there goes $20.
What the fuck is it with old people (especially men) and going to the doctor? JUST FUCKING GO!!! It’s like you want to be in pain. Hmmm, suddenly can’t walk more than a block without having to stop due to pain in your hip? Well, I’m sure that’ll just heal up on its own. If not, just live with it. A medical professional certainly won’t be of any help.
I just got a typical phishing spam (“I am Mr. Tim Tookey, the Group Finance Director of Lloyds Banking Group United Kingdom. I personally discovered a dormant account with a total sum of $95,000,000.00 [NINTY FIVE MILLION UNITED STATE DOLLARS ONLY] during our Bank’s Account Auditing. The owner of this dormant account died on 4th Jan 2002. Since the death of the deceased, nobody has operated in this account till date. I mean NO BODY! Moreover, this account has NO BENEFICIARY attached to it.”) and it’s irritating me. One, the writing is so unprofessional it’s a dead giveaway it’s a scam (I’ve never to this day got a legitimate business letter with someone EXCLAIMING! in it). Two, they keep doing this because SOME IDIOTS KEEP FALLING FOR IT! KNOCK IT OFF, IDIOTS!
Better yet: JUST HAND YOUR MONEY TO ME, IDIOTS!
Dunno if I qualify as old (age 54), and I don’t have to stop when my pelvis hurts (although it does get pretty bad), but the last time I sought medical attention for it, the doctor’s medical treatment was to tell me to lose weight.
We just waited 5 minutes for the freaking turn signal, why does it take 30 seconds for your dinosaur brain to process green arrow = remove foot from brake/press gas pedal?That light cycle really took 5 minutes (I timed it) I am not waiting through another one because they hand out driver’s licenses to T. Rex’s.
Thanks for starting the new mini-rants, I didn’t want that responsibility.
Well? And was he making a valid point? What medical solution were you hoping for?
Not to get all up in your face about your weight (whatever it is) but if the alternative is between, say, hip replacement surgery and weight loss, the latter might seem less extreme, less dangerous, and a larger overall improvement to your health. And if hip replacement surgery were called for, there are lots of people who can’t be operated on until they lose weight, for safety reasons.
Sorry for this hijack, but I’m not clear why you apparently think someone telling you to lose weight (assuming you need to) is not good medical practice.
I think his point was not that it was bad medical advice, but that it didn’t do him any good. As in, if he’s overweight, he already knows it. And knows he should lose weight but can’t/won’t do it OR is already working on it.
I’m sick to death of grown-ass adults using “cute” words (and of course, as soon as I go to post, only one example comes to mind). Saying “sammich” does not make you seem charming and witty, it makes you sound like a grade-A retard. I detest it when people decide to infantilize language like that. The word “belly” strikes me similarly - say “stomach”; you’re not talking to pound puppies. Jesus.
I am sick of your empty threats, The Kiplinger Letter! For over three years you’ve been sending your little worthless missives to our office in error. Mr. Robert D Bates doesn’t work here. His company does not occupy this office.
Yet, like clockwork, once a quarter you send your little “Letter” to my office with “LAST ISSUE ENCLOSED” stamped ominously in red bold on the front.
It’s desperate, Kiplinger’s. Desperate and unseemly. Mr. Robert D Bates doesn’t want to be with you anymore. Can’t you just accept it and move on?
Dear Mother-in-Law,
You may have been a sainted, blessed, unimpeachable paragon of virtuous womanhood to your late husband, but everybody else thinks you’re an asshole, including your son, to whom I have been married for 11 years now. This is not “just a phase.” We have a child. I am not going anywhere. Ever. If I were going to get “a better offer,” don’t you think it would have happened a dozen or so years (and several dozen pounds) ago?
Also: shut up about the goddamned new iPhone 4 you’re going to get, and pay your fucking water bill and your car insurance and your property taxes. It’s stupid for you to even own your current iPhone because YOU DON’T HAVE A COMPUTER and you don’t have any friends who want to call you anyway. Brainless bint.
Love and kisses, see you at the 4th of July Picnic!
xoxo The “Uppity Whore” Your Son Married.
Huh?
I think iPhones are bit overrated myself, but why is it stupid to own one when you don’t have a computer?
In fact, if you don’t need a full-sized computer, but do need a phone, and would also like to be able to get email and look stuff up once in a while, it seems to me that a web-capable smartphone might actually be a pretty good choice.
You can’t update the software without connecting to iTunes. (I don’t think, but it is possible that I am so brain-damaged with rage that I am incorrect.) You also can’t download some big apps (which are of course the ones she wants) without being connected to either iTunes or WiFi. She does send emails and texts from time to time, but they are mostly unintelligible (and not in the LOL-speak sort of way, either). She is 60-something and she can’t see the screen that well, or work the touchscreen with any proficiency. And she always complains about the stuff she wants to look up, because 98% of the time it is something that requires Flash to work (stupid animations, etc.), and so she can’t see it on her iPhone anyway.
My big thing with her and the iPhone is that, basically, she doesn’t need it. Of course she is perfectly entitled to spend her money on whatever she wants to, as that is The American Way N’at – but she’s spent hundred of dollars on apps she doesn’t need and doesn’t understand, and then she asks us to help her out with her bills because she spent the rest of her paycheck on an iTunes gift card (and I don’t even know how she uses it, honestly, when she doesn’t have a computer with iTunes on it, although I suspect my husband and his laptop enable her in some way).
And since she got her current iPhone, all she’s done is bitch about how it doesn’t do this or that or the other thing, and send my husband links to other people on the Internets bitching about what they hate about their iPhones and whatever. “Whaa whaa! My iPhone doesn’t take video!” Video of what? She never does anything, and she doesn’t want to do anything. She’s just One Of Those People and she gives me seizures and apoplectic fits.
I enjoy playing with language. This includes saying “sammich.” You are entitled to think I’m a retard; I, in turn, will think you’re boring and pendatic. Everybody wins!
There was mustard on my sandwich.
It wasn’t listed as one of the ingredients. Mustard doesn’t enhance flavors, it overpowers them. Once you put mustard on something, it tastes like mustard. Maybe textured mustard, but still just mustard. And mustard is nasty tasting.
But I was hungry - so my lunch was a mustard sandwich.
I’m annoyed.
Pedantic. And you soooo shouldn’t be throwing stones about pedantry anyway. 
That’s not playing with language unless you originated the term; it’s just copying some other retard’s invention. Saying “sammich” hardly makes you James Joyce. But if finding “sammich” infantile is your idea of boring, have fun staring at shiny objects for amusement, I guess.
Is a Nobel Prize winner any less of one because he finds fart jokes funny?
Me, personally? Morphine. The bastard ass doctor never gives me any though.
Moving in the summer time blows rhino weeny. Especially when I am carrying boxes and my idiot neighbors want to stop and chit chat and ask me where I’m moving to and why am I moving and is my unit a two bedroom with the good air-conditioning all while I am standing there holding this heavy ass box with my belly rumbling because I haven’t had a chance to eat my sammich yet.
Fuck you assholes.
You are not welcome at Costco. I hate you.
Ugh. I said “pedantic” in my head; why did my fingers type the n? Stupid autopilot typing.
And pedantry is just fine when it’s *my *pedantry. Silly rabbit. That’s how these things work.
There’s *nothing wrong *with shiny objects.