I’m back to dieting (aren’t we all?) and since I don’t eat fish (let’s not get into that) my diet consists of a heapin’ helpin’ of boneless, skinless chicken breast. Something like a pound a week.
One thing I have come to realize - I. Hate. Chicken. Breasts.
I have never enjoyed them. Not even from KFC. Not baked with Shake 'n Bake. Not grilled, not boiled, not fried. Not in a plane or on a train.
“Obviously,” says my friend, “you have never had a properly prepared chicken breast.”
I’ve tried cooking them on my Foreman grill. I’ve tried baking them in foil in the oven. I’ve tried cooking it in in a sautée pan. Cut into cubes, cut into strips, left whole. With olive oil and without. With seasoning and without. With parmesan cheese. Slathered in Italian dressing.
I try cooking it to 180 (according to my meat thermometer’s recommendation). Tried cooking it to 170 then letting it sit in foil for a few to come to temp. Nada.
They always, always, always taste bland, stringy, chewy, dry. Disgusting. Adding injury to insult (in that order), I have a bad jaw so this “food” also leaves me in pain.
On today’s weekly shopping trip I decided the only way I can stand this crap on my twice-daily salads is by using the pre-cooked, pre-prepared Tyson “nuke it or eat it from the bag” Chicken Strips. Which is TEN DOLLARS A POUND.
Obviously, that ain’t gonna work.
My last hope, other than switching to only eating thighs (which I can tolerate better, it seems) is going to be marinating, I think. Proper marinating - not just putting on some Italian dressing before grilling.
But I’ve never properly marinated before. And I don’t really think my mom has either (she’s actually a good cook but honest-to-god, dad PREFERS his meat un-edibly tough). So I come to you for help.
Here’s the rules:
- Marinade must be essentially sugar-free. No sugar, brown sugar or honey. I’m not diabetic but let’s say I am - that’s the way I roll. Minimal sugar from fruits (berries, lemon juice, peach, plum, etc.) should be ok.
- Marinade must not be spicy. I can probably handle the TINIEST pinch of chili powder or something but honestly my face turns red and my lips burn up when I get too much KETCHUP in me so “hot” and I don’t mix. I do dig garlic, maybe a hint of red onion or the slightest taste of green pepper. Anything else is too hot.
- I’m not really huge on tomato-based sauces but I am willing to give anything a try.
- I’ve yet to be bowled over by anything made with wine, but wine is a great alternative to sugar I assume. Chicken marsala - ech. But I’m willing to give it a shot as well.
- Give me full directions - from mixing the ingredients, to how long to store the marinade/chicken mixture and where/how, to what to cook it on/in, for how long and at what heat. Like I said I’ve got a Foreman, some pans, a stove and an oven. And a meat thermometer.
I realize that the above restrictions - lack of sugar, spicy-spice and tomato - might be a huge block in being able to create the correct enzematic effects of the perfect marinade. But if I quit eating chicken all I am left with is red meat and pork and that’s not always so good for the ol’ ticker.
Thanks in advance!