Does anyone know what idiot ever decided there was anything wrong with putting your elbows on the table? As this practice is not insulting, hazardous or unsanitary and inconveniences no one, and as attempts to stamp it out are usually futile and have caused more human misery than its indulgence ever did, I, for one, think it is well past time for this stupid rule to be laid to rest (by those who haven’t (both of them)).
According to one book I consulted, the prohibition only applies when one is actually eating. To this I say that (1) if you are eating with a knife and fork, you will automatically remove your elbows from the table, as it will otherwise be impossible for you to eat unless you have an extra joint between your elbow and your wrist and (2) if you are eating a sandwich or other hand-held food, it is perfectly sensible to eat with your elbows on the table unless the table is so low that doing so would make it uncomfortable – in which case you won’t anyhow.
In a case like that, it makes sense–but only in a case like that. Otherwise, forget about it. I for one intend to. There is no sense in making rigid rules out of accommodations to specific situations. (There certainly are many situations in which it is rude to remove all your clothing. There are others in which it is optional, desirable or necessary.)
I can barely remember it, but I think Lucretia Baldridge O.K.'d elbows on the table a while back, and that’s good enough for me.
Elbows off the table is not a rule I enforce in my home, but I happen to know through the grapevine that it annoys my M-I-L (an added bonus!).
Ms. Baldridge even had some good advice for thanking your one-night-stand. If I recall, it was a heart-felt “Thanks for a lovely evening.” Take note, guys.
There are elbows on the table and then there are elbows on the table. If your elbow touches the table while eating a sandwich, it’s probably not too bad. But I have seen people prop themselves up while eating. Imagine this posture: place your left elbow on the table, with your forearm parallel to and along the edge of the table, with your left hand resting on or draped over the edge. Now lean over that arm and put your face over your plate, shoveling food in with a fork in your right hand. Sorry, just looks crass, like you’re feeding at the trough.
Etiquette is not always about sheer practicality or about what “makes sense”, by the way. It is a way to establish standard forms of behavior so people are not constantly reinventing the wheel when faced with a common situation. What sense does it make to say “you’re welcome” after having been thanked? Not much, but it’s just the standard phrase for that situation, everybody says it and everybody knows that it’s just a token that means, roughly, “It was very nice of you to express your thanks and I was very happy to do what it was you thanked me for.”
“Elbows are universally seen on tables in restaurants, especially when people are lunching or dining at a small table of two or four, and it is impossible to make oneself heard above the music by one’s table companions, and at the same time not be heard at other tables nearby, without leaning far forward. And in leaning forward, a woman’s figure makes a more graceful outline supported on her elbows than doubled forward over her hands in her lap as though in pain! At home, when there is no reason for leaning across the table, there is no reason for elbows.”
Do not play with the table utensils or crumble the bread.
Do not put your elbows on the table, or sit too far back, or lounge
Do not talk loud or boisterously
Be cheerful in conduct or conversation
Never allow butter, soup or other food to remain on your whiskers
Never wear gloves at the table, unlless your hands are for some special reason unfit to be seen. (my comment: Where are those hands, exactly?)
Never, when serving others, overload the plate nor force upon them delicacies which they decline. (my comment: see previous quote.)
Never make a great display when removing hair, insects or other disagreeable things from your food. Place them quietly under the edge of your plate. (my comment: EWWW!)
Rules of Etiquette and Home Culture, 1886
I’ve seen it, but it’s a little difficult to describe. One guy I saw was hunched low over his plate, his elbows on the table roughly parallel with the far edge of the plate, his forearms at right-angles so that his hands nearly met above the point on the plate farthest from him. He was holding his knife and fork so that they pointed more-or-less directly back towards him and, yes, almost shoveling the food in. He looked almost like a dog guarding his feeding bowl, and the posture can’t have helped his digestion much.
You could put one on for each time you had met the queen (this is an Army tradition apparently - although it could be a load of cods my Dad made up to allow him to do what he wanted. This is emminently possible).
After thinking about it, I don’t buy Q.E.D.‘s explanation. If putting one’s elbows on the table means putting it in one’s neighbors’ plates, no sane person is even going to be tempted and will not need a rule to keep him from doing so. Also, if there is no room ON the table for your elbows, there won’t be any room for them OFF the table either. I therefore regard this as a myth.
I remain an unrepentant elbow-plopper.
CookingWithGas has a point about etiquette not always being rational and simply being a way to establish standard forms of behavior. Saying “please,” thank you," and “you’re welcome” makes people feel good and is not oppressive. However, there are many cases in which cutltural norms (in etiquette and other matters) are oppressive and should be questioned. Some examples that I would like to see go the way of the dodo are: spiked heels, plucked eyebrows and neckties. (After all, Chinese men took only a couple of generations to get used to women with normal feet, didn’t they?) It is also necessary to remember that there are decent people who follow different drummers. Some 3,000 people were murdered a couple of years ago just because some people couldn’t accept that.
One of the historical reasons for this prohibition is that elbows on the table make it very difficult for the servants to efficiently handle the serving and setting for the many courses of a formal meal in polite society.
Only place I have seen it is in a western movie, where the cowboy was eating a bowl of beans. It would be very difficult with a typical meat-and-three-veg type meal.
At a business lunch the only time you should put your elbows on the table (known as the EOT maneuver) is when the boss speaks and you want to express great interest. Chew very slowly, and let your lips part slightly. Also clasp your hands as though praying.
(To pray means to beg)
