My question is about those electronic gizmos that claim to cleanse the air ‘ionically.’ Do these things actually work?
I share an office with “Mabel,” a woman who had weight-loss surgery about ten months ago. The good news is that she’s lost almost 250 pounds so far – she’s down to about 300. The bad news – and I don’t know how to put this delicately – is that she farts up a storm, all day, every day, and the odor is strong enough to peel paint. Mabel’s emissions are orders of magnitude worse than normal, partly because the surgery apparently compromised her ability to fully digest food and partly because her entire diet seems to consist of cheese sticks, salami sticks, and Egg McMuffins.
I am getting desperate. I’ve got plug-ins and stick-ups everywhere. I’ve tried smearing Vicks under my nose, a la CSI. Potpourri, orange oil, cracking the window open (not so much an option in the winter,) wearing turtlenecks so that I have a built-in nose cover (we’re in separate cubicles, so she can’t see me – I wouldn’t embarrass her by doing anything like that to her face) lots of potted plants, etc. Nothing works. When I get home, I have to change before I can eat dinner because the sewer-gas smell has permeated my clothes. It’s so bad that people down the hall are complaining, and I certainly can’t have guests in my office. Changing my office isn’t an option.
If those ionic air purifiers are a total rip-off does anyone know of any other products (electronic, herbal, magical – at this point, I’ll try anything) that might be effective?
Christmas is coming. Make sure Mabel’s secret santa gives her a case of Beano.
You could also spring for a GasBGon cushion to place on her chair. The activated charcoal element will require replacement periodically, but could relieve you from your world of nasty poot.
Most offices wouldn’t allow this, but just in case yours would, I’d suggest candles. There are also air deodorizer sprays available from allergy supply stores that I’ve found very effective against cat odor, may also work for you.
The Ionic Breeze doesn’t do much, in my experience. It does a LITTLE of what most electronic purifiers do… however, its biggest selling point is the fact that it’s really, really quiet (bordering on silent).
We’ve used several of Alpine Air purifiers in our house, and at the risk of sounding like a typical infomercial interviewee, our house smelled a lot less dog-esque afterwards. The downside, however, is that they’re pretty goddamned expensive… look into one of the smaller units (I doubt your office is 2200 square feet)…