Ellen, Anne, get out of my face!

Memo to Ellen DeGeneris and Anne Heche:


Were you aware that the world doesn’t evolve around your sexual orientation, ladies?

And Ellen, as someone who used to watch your show rather frequently, let me be the first to tell you … it wasn’t cancelled because you came out of the closet (who the hell DIDN’T know you were a lesbian?); it was cancelled because it began to suck. And it began to suck because you became fixated on your gay-ness.

Yep, you’re both gay. We can see how gay you are. Congratulations. Happy for ya. Don’t really care. Now, do you have anything else you want to say? Anything else you want to show us? Talent, humor? Anything?

“You should tell the truth, expose the lies and live in the moment.” - Bill Hicks

Funny you bring this up Milo. I watched a program called Intimate Portrait, which digs into the personal life of famous women. Last week one night they featured Melissa Manchester. Included were several of her friends that are also gay…guess who? Your topic hit it right on the button.

I’ve learned that if someone says something unkind about me, I must live so that no one will believe it.

Ellen DeGeneris is gay?

Yeah, right. And I suppose Rock Hudson was


Ellen Gay? What is she so happy about?
ohhhh you don’t mean gay like happy you mean THAT kind of gay…ohhhh ummmm geezz ok.

Yours truly,

Funny, they sure haven’t bee shoving anything down my throat.

'Fact, I don’t give a rat’s ass what any celebrity does. What, do they have an obligation to entertain us now?

I have to say that I’m not feeling beat-about-the-head with the information that Ellen DeGeneres is gay. Maybe it’s your choice of media.

While we’re at it, what’s with Denzell Washington and the black thing? HELLLOOOO?!?!? We KNOW you’re black, OK? Why all the black roles, the hanging around with your black wife? Give it a rest!!!

Get it?

Denzell is black???

You’re right, I need to stop taking in information from fringe media such as television.

You mean to tell me that you have seen one member of this lovely couple without the other at any time in past year or two, and the event, discussion, etc. didn’t have anything to do with their sexual orientation?

And stoly, I like you as a vodka and all, but the Denzel comparison? I’m not seeing the connection.

“You should tell the truth, expose the lies and live in the moment.” - Bill Hicks

Catherine Zeta-Jones and Michael Douglas are so straight. I can’t believe how fucking straight they are, always talking about how they’re “together” and are going to get married. And now, of course, she’s pregnant. Jesus Christ. And don’t even get me started on Jennifer Aniston and Brad Pitt. How flamingly heterosexual can you get?

Makes me sick, but you know, there’s nothing I can do about it but sit there and watch it. Can’t turn it off, can’t change the channels. Just have to sit there and get smacked over the head with how damned straight these people are.

“It is only out of sheer, morbid curiosity that I am allowing this freakshow to continue…”

Ok, I know I’m going to get whacked for this, but I agree with you Milo. 150%.

I was going to give a long paragraph here and rant but it’s not going to get me anywhere but flamed, so why bother. Suffice it to say - Milo - high five dude.

Yeah, Denzel chose to be black. I couldn’t handle the aggravation, myself.

And what’s with christians? I mean, hey, we’re all hapy that you have faith, but do you have to flaunt it every chance yo uget? How many times do we need to see people thanking God at events that have nothing at all to do with religion.


Glad to hear of your vodka allegiance.

The Denzel thing, is this:

Ellen is, as you’ve pointed out, gay. Therefore, I would expect her to take roles that resonate with that. And appear in photographs on the arm of another woman. Admittedly she has a very apparent agenda, but I don’t begrudge her that, because I can just ignore it, like I do professional wrestling, Jerry Springer, and the W.B. Not that I am drawing any comparisons.

I guess my point is that what many people seem to think of as in-your-face gayness only seems that way because the people in question are gay. That’s the way your rant came across.

Now in the interests of making this post pit-worthy:

You make my bowels roil.

May your pubic hair become entangled in the nautilus machine.

May your jewelers saws become losged in your rectum.

May your armpit boils sprout infant spiders.

Thanks and goodnight.

er, “lodged”.

Sorry, I had brine shrimp eggs in my salivary glands.

Your choice, I suppose. I prefer not to give a shit about what “celebrity” is fucking what other “celebrity.” Why is an actor’s live any of my business? TV is not a “fringe” medium. But it certainly contains more than its share of puerile, dumbed-down, infantile, personality cult money worshipping pap.

Personally, I mean to tell you that I have not seen either of the ladies in question at all. Or rather, if I have, it has been only in passing and completely irrelevant to my life. I have more important things to do than worry about some total stranger’s sex life.

Kill your television! (Right after Xena.)

Melissa Manchester is gay, too?

Next they’ll be telling me Rosie O’Donnell is gay!

I’m not particularly interested in Ellen DeGeneres’s homosexuality, but I think it may be helpful for those struggling with their gayness to feel less freakish about it when they see movies like Walls 2.

But speaking of Ellen, am I the only one skeptical of Anne Heche? I mean, she was straight and just all of a sudden saw Ellen and became a lesbian? And Ellen just happened to be a rich, successful, but lonely woman.

I dunno. Maybe I’m just cynical, but I can’t help wondering if she’s a gold digger…

A few seasons back, there was a Simpsons episode that brought the family out to Hollywood. While Marge was driving around on a tour of stars’ homes, her guide pointed to one house and said, “And there is where Ellen DeGeneres and Anne Heche live.” Certainly enough, there were the two famous women sitting on a porch swing, raising their hands up high in the air and shouting, “WE’RE LESBIANS!”

I don’t mind that they’re gay, but I mind the preaching. Her show became condescending, saturated in not-so-subtle lectures, just like an 80s sitcom (they all had their themes–drugs, women’s lib, etc., and all equally tiresome). I’m bored with it. I’ve actually grown weary of such themes, such as in the new movie Big Girls Don’t Cry. I know what it’s about, I know what happened to her/him, and I have zero desire to watch that kind of hideousness spew from the screen. I don’t want it to go underground–by any means, attack the groins of the deranged freaks with rusty cheese graters. Report it in the news, get a legal precedent set…but blurghh…not on the big screen.

I don’t mind these two in public, don’t mind their private life, don’t mind them in films, but I do mind the preaching. I’m full, thank you.

Teaching: The ultimate birth control method.

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Are you sure that you’re not thinking of Melissa Ethridge, whose girlfriend is either pregnant with their second child or already had it?


“The dead have risen, and they’re voting Republican!” - Bart Simpson

Well, getting serious for a minute here, I have found as a lesbian that this is something that just happens. I don’t really intend to go around on this board inserting the line “oh, and by the way, I prefer women”, but sometimes it can’t be helped. Like right now, for instance. There is a fair amout of flirting going on on this board, especially in MPSIMS, (in exactly the same way that World War II caused a fair amount of destruction), and, well, when I compile my lists of my top five posters I’d like to date, or my list of sexiest celebrities, or mention any experiences with the Religious Right, or relate an anecdote about an ex-girlfriend, it’s going to come out. I do try not to be obnoxious about it, though. Now, I don’t know too much about the Anne ‘n’ Ellen soap, especially not any recent developments. I have better things to do with my time than to worry about the sex lives of people I’ve never met. I do recall reading something about how Melissa Etheridge came out of the closet because she was sick of being misquoted, saying something about “my lover and I”, and seeing it rendered “her boyfriend…” And I also know that once you’re out of the closet, any time anyone asks you anything, there is that subtext, whether it’s spoken or not. When a celebrity is involved, people are invariably going to want to know how coming out has changed things for them, whether they’re happier now than they were before, and what sort of things they do in bed (though they might not necessarily come out and ask that one, rest assured they want to know.) Any time there’s a story run on them in the magazines, you’ll find “lesbian” near the top somewhere. So, if you want to lodge a complaint, talk to the media, and to the people who pay attention. Or, alternatively, you could do something that’s always worked for me in the past, and that’s to change the channel. Because, quite frankly, it would be fine with me if the media treated lesbians the same way they treated heterosexuals.

This concludes the serious commentary. You may now resume wisecracking.

Heck is where you go when you don’t believe in Gosh.