Email non-answers

Grrrrrr. So, I’m massaging some of our data for another company. They in turn use it for a product that our company will get. It’s a pet location service for Animal Control.

Fine. Great really I love our pets.

Anyway, something does not look right in the data they requested, I asked for clarification and explained why I don’t think that data goes in that field. It’s disparate data. All mixed up. They originaly asked for it, but it makes no sense.

Their answer - “Sure, if you think it will help!”

Listen, aside from the stupid exclamation point, it’s what YOU think will help, not me. It’s your system. Your database. Not mine. Do you want that mixed up data in that field or not.

I don’t think these people know the difference between a property legal description and a property physical address. I’ve little hope in this working.

I did not hire them, was just told to give them data.

Just ranting. So now around the block again with email non-answers. I bet there will be 5 more before I can get a straight answer.

She’s just covering her ass. I’ve found that replying with “I need a yes or no answer, please” often helps. The trick is cornering them so they can’t blame you when things go wrong.

They said they can have their data team look at the process I use to create the data. Fuck that.

And yup, a request for a Yes or No answer would be better.

I asked for contact to their data team. They should be able to give me a yes or no answer. It seems like the person I’m talking to is quite clueless. The person before them was worse.

It’s just stupid, I want to automate this on my end to fit their schema, but they can’t tell me what they want in certain fields. And some of the field names are rediculous. ‘Civic-ID’ WTF is that? Oh, turns out that’s what they call the address on a house, a street address. To me it sounds more like a voting precinct or something. Civic-ID? Who designed this thing?

I was looking into a teacher continuing education program the other day, and their “contact us” form (because of course they can’t just give you an email address) has a mandatory field for your state. I asked them whether their program covered a certain ODE requirement (ODE = Ohio Department of Education, and notably, their program doesn’t cover any other states that start with O). They sent me a reply saying “What state is this for?”, so of course I replied that it was Ohio. And… ghosted.

How 'bout this for a non-answer. I emailed a couple of professors if they would be interested in being my PhD advisor. A month later and neither one has answered.

In my mind, shitty email answers or “missed emails” are a plague started by phones.

If you’re sitting at a desk looking at email on a full-sized monitor, you’re more likely to read for comprehension and reply in a meaningful way.

If you’re anywhere else reading an email, especially on a small screen, you’re skimming and replying poorly, if at all.

I’m sure email on phones makes the phone person feel productive but for the rest of us tethered to our desks, it just draws out the whole process.

I’m trying to think of appropriate follow-ups. I think I’d allude in the email to some upcoming alumni soiree or a forum and to my genuine hope to sometime coffee klatch with them afterwards. At least they have those networking events at my college alma mater but i want to a small localized campus where people return. These ideas are probably from a different time and place too I’m sure.

Eh, maybe. A good friend of mine only looks at email once a month or so. You had best text or call her if you want a response.

But this is in a profesionall arena. I have their work emails. I fear that the person saying -"Sure, if you think it will help!” Hasn’t a clue about the data I’m talking about. Although I explained it in small words. (and stop with the exclamation points in business communication please, are you still in 8th grade?)

I’m trying to automate and match their data schema so I can schedule it and push it out.

As a DB person for over 30 years, this really, really pisses me off.

I’ve asked to be put in touch with their ‘data team’, as they are called. Why they didn’t directly contact, me, I don’t know. No response yet.

Another problem I’ve seen for years -

Bullet point or number 3 questions.

You get an answer to one of them. Maybe. Then ya got to do it all over again.

In my department, we do it very well color codeing response to questions. All of them. The typical response is - Answer in blue inline with questions below.

The answer I’m getting from this company about DATA is ‘If you think it will help!’ GAHAHAHAH.

That’s because they want you to decide, not them. If they decide that makes it their responsibility.

Force them to commit.

I say, write back a non-answer, and keep it up. Never deliver the data.

Yes, Passive-Aggressive IS my middle name!

Take a trip to their physical location to discuss the issue face-to-face and bill their company for the trip.

Sometimes you have to train customers to look out for their own interests.

It seems like the quality of emails went way down at exactly the same time a lot of people started working from home and the importance of emails went way up, it now being the primary mode of workplace communication and all. Not a great combo trend. You’d think people would realize that since a lot of people no longer have the option of swinging by someone’s desk to clarify something, email needs to count for even more than it ever did. But no.

The bane of my existence is sending emails saying, “Hi, 2 quick questions: (1) what’s the deadline; and (2) what’s the budget?” and get the response, “The deadline is next Thursday.”

And ??? ??? ???

As was said, it’s the fucking phones. Whatever isn’t visible on the screen does not get read at all; people are way too busy to scroll even a little bit.

I’ve never talked to any of these people. Was just given a request for data. This is not my circus or my monkeys.

I have a responsibility to try to get this right. My salary is paid by the PEOPLE (I’m government).

I MUCH prefer emails. I have a record of what was comunicated. If people are answering work emails on their freakin phones they need to stop that and become professional.

Question: The ABC project, I think John is leading it—what’s the Q1 projected spend? Thanks.

Answer: Mary is leading the ABC project. Thanks.

I am SO not surprised that people communicate so ineptly online… because I have a friend who does it in real life as well. I still remember one of many text exchanges:

Me: “Talked to Pietro and we’re all going out tomorrow night. We decided you get to choose. I know the Maldives Café is your favorite, but you said you wanted to try Leo’s. What’s your vote?”

Her: “Yummy!”

Me: “True. So, Maldives or Leo’s?”

Her: “Going out sounds SO good!”

Me: “It does… at Maldives or Leo’s…”

Me: “Hey, Pietro, where does your wife (the “Her”) want to go?”

Pietro: “The fuck I know.”

This is so exactly my MIL. We have some standing times we go and visit, and this exchange will occur:

MIL: I have a thing and won’t be able to cook tonight
Us: We can bring pizza, or just skip tonight
MIL: k

“k” what? This happens every time.

Us: Do you want to see the 4pm or 7pm movie? With dinner before/after.
MIL: That sounds good

This. Question first, on its own line.

Explanation, if needed, as brief as possible in a second paragraph.

I’ve also trained myself to always answer the question first, even when I’m 99% its not really the question they meant to ask, and then my clarifying statements or follow ip in a second paragraph.

To a carpenter, everything looks like a nail. To my partner, every form or piece of paper looks like a place to keep random notes - but they have no notion of [or respect for] fields, data integrity, or standard nomenclature. AND when they need to reach out via email, they find some old message and reply to it without changing the subject line. On the other hand, they’ve never forgotten a face and rarely a name, and can start and maintain a conversation with almost anyone - skills I not only lack but can barely comprehend…