No, he did not. Doing nothing is not standing up for someone - even when it’s the wiser course.
It seems strange to be embarrassed by something and repeatedly post about it.
https://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showpost.php?p=21208047&postcount=57
https://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showpost.php?p=21131139&postcount=1
https://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showpost.php?p=21130634&postcount=1
https://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showpost.php?p=21106302&postcount=6
The shart: https://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showpost.php?p=20960704&postcount=21
https://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showpost.php?p=20532381&postcount=28
https://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showpost.php?p=20475038&postcount=79
I have given this a try, in a restaurant (not a Starbucks in particular though). Nobody said anything, or even noticed as far as I could tell. For some reason when middle aged men adjust their clothing, few people feel entitled to comment.
Really, laurieb had the misfortune to experience some pain, she adjusted her waistband, she didn’t put out another soul in even the slightest way, and nobody has any need at all to embarrass her. With all the suffering in the world, whyever would anybody need to add insult to physical pain?
No doubt Emily Post would advise you to step to the ladies’ room to unbutton your pants. However, she would also say that your mother should have refrained from calling further attention to it. A discreet, “Are you all right, dear?” out of earshot of the others would have been fine. Her response was rude.
The remark about your weight was utterly rude. I’m appalled by those who have commented that your weight is unhealthy, as if it’s perfectly polite to comment publicly on the weight of someone as long as she is–in their view–overweight. If you were 5’ and weighed 350 pounds, it STILL wouldn’t be OK. One never comments on the weight of others in company, period. To do so in front of your boyfriend’s mother was especially egregious.
As for your boyfriend, give him a pass this time. Now that he knows you felt attacked and defenseless, he could say, " I think your daughter is gorgeous as she is," and resolutely change the subject. Hopefully one day you won’t need him to.
OK, since this is a redux then my answer changes. Buy some clothes that fit. Wear a dress/kilt/poncho/stretch pants to get through your diner pregnancies. Change your diet. Eat more roughage. Take Gas-X.
In other words, DO SOMETHING to affect change in your life. You are the one in charge of your body. Even if your mom moves to Mars you’re still going to have these issues.
BTW, I’ve had abdominal pain so bad it dropped me to the floor in the bathroom. For up to 30 minutes. Apparently if I got “backed-up” to a certain point it would press against a nerve and cause a serious reaction. My heart rate would shoot up, I’d start sweating profusely and it would trigger an additional level of pain I’d describe as being kicked in the gut. I made changes to my routine until it stopped happening. I eat less at each meal, take fiber tablets, buy looser fitting clothing, drink plenty of fluids etc…
Best wishes going forward.
It would have taken an almost perfectly crafted line from your boyfriend to simultaneously support you but at the same time not disrespect your mother.
Staying quiet was probably the best he could do under the circumstances.
She adjusted her waistband? This is what she said in the OP:
mmm
Seems like a strange obsession, maybe go see a Doctor about these issues.
Whoa!
- We seem to have run the OP off.
- She needs some elastic-waisted pants. They have cute ones at Wal-Mart.
- She needs a gastroenterologist or a NEW gastroenterologist.
- I’m outta here.
laurieb, I’m so sorry this happened to you. I don’t have IBS, but after my abdominal cancer surgery, my gut was a lot more touchy than before. I get bloated, too, and it comes on at random times. I know the pain of needing relief right then and not be able to wait until you get to the bathroom. I deal with it by wearing stretchy pants when I’ll be in a situation where I don’t know how my gut will react. Sometimes that isn’t even enough.
As for your boyfriend, this is the time to talk to him about how you’d like him to respond in a situation like that. My DH knows it hurts like heck and will cover for me/help me however he can. Maybe if your mother or anyone does that again, he could innocuously say, “She’s in pain”, then ask if you’re ok, do you need help, whatever. That way he doesn’t get confrontational, but he’s still supporting you.
Your mom was cruel.
Just because a lot of Americans are overweight doesn’t mean it’s healthy.
According to the BMI (which isn’t at all accurate on an individual basis, just population averages), she’s only 7 lbs “overweight”. Depending on the size of her frame, shoulder width, rib cage size, pelvis size, musculature, etc, she might not even be overweight.
After reading the OP’s previous posts on bloating and gas, I smell a skunk. It seems some of us have been had.
Dear OP,
- Your mum is a dick.
- Buy some new pants. Or a nice a-line dress or something. Seriously, whipping your pants open in the middle of a restaraunt really isn’t a normal thing to do. Sure, if it happens once as an emergency, fine. But it sounds like it happens every time you go out. Just get something different to wear out to eat.
I’ll play the odd man (person) here and side with the Mom. I rarely see a dinner with parents on both sides and you two aren’t even married yet. In such a case both families would want theirs to be impeccable. Yes, it was a good idea to make the whole thing casual, but a mother has to open her mouth and this was one instance. I’m just mystified at her words, talking to you like you’re 13. Does she always speak to you like that?
And you, madam, ought to know your limits in eating. Barring that, more comfortable clothes will help.
FTR, I understood the unzipping to be partial just from the first post. If that’s the case it’s not any kind of “exposing yourself”, specially if the trousers in question have a high waist.
Your Mom is a dick, and you may want to speak with the bf about ways you two can make “I’ve got your back” here clear to each other when a situation with family comes up. Most couples I know have a “my family, my problem to fix” rule, but many also have ways to extract their partner out of a bad situation or things like that (one of my aunts would suddenly remember she and hubby had tons of papers to grade, oops, must leave, c’mon boys… pushes her gang of five out the door).
Looks like bloating runs in the family:
That last quote weirdly has the tenor of acdetish story.
The mother was quite rude. No need to comment on someone’s weight. I say the if the unzipping was necessary for the sake of comfort and no indecent exposure was the result, what’s the problem? Eating out should be an enjoyable event, having pants uncomfortably tight is not fun. When I first saw the thread title, I thought a long and noisy fart was the issue. If you were holding one in, I’d say “Hey mom! I was bloated because I was holding THIS in” and then let it rip.