Embarrasing moment at dinner out last night...what do you think?

Last night, I went out to dinner with my boyfriend, his parents, and my mom. We went to this awesome Mexican restaurant not far from our apartment.

After the appetizers and entrée, I got really bloated. I was so uncomfortable. Bad bloating, like my stomach was being pumped with water. So, I did something that I usually am shy about doing, especially in public. I had to pop open the top button of my jeans and unzip them. Yes, the bloating was that bad.

My blouse was tucked in, so everyone could see I was undoing my jeans. I tried being as discreet as possible, but we were sitting on high chairs, so there wasn’t much room to hide it. My mom then says, “Laurie, have some manners! Exposing yourself like that in front of everyone!”

My boyfriend’s mom then commented, “A girl’s gotta get some room sometimes.”

My mom then replied, “She needs to go on a diet. She’s been looking like a doughgirl lately.”

I was so embarrassed. My boyfriend and his dad stayed quiet through the whole thing. I felt miserable. What my mom said made it worse. I had an eating disorder back in my 20s, and managed to get back out of it, (I’m now a slightly pudgy 5’6", 160 lbs) but I’m healthy. Why would she make a statement like that?

I’ve also had mild IBS since college, and I tend to bloat at the most random times, like last night.

I’m just so upset about this, and embarrassed. :frowning:

I think your mom was way out of line.
What she said was deliberately embarrassing, and, as my mother used to say - if you don’t have anything nice to say, shut up.

Yep, Mom was outta line. Talk to her about it.

I believe the appropriate response is “Did you enjoy your meal, Mom? You drank it fast enough.”

Stranger

Thanks for the support, guys. Means a lot.

Smart fellas.

I would agree with you, but I kinda wish my boyfriend stood up for me. I talked to him about it later on, and he said it just was “getting kind of awkward.”

As a guy, I have to say that interjecting into these kinds of intrafamily dynamics can often result in blowback for not saying or doing the right thing. You have every reason to expect your guy to back you up, but in this kind of scenario you need to make it clear exactly what you want in terms of backup.

Your mother has no excuses, and all I can offer is that she is dealing with her own personality issues by dumping on you, as many parents do. Even if she had a sincere concern about your weight or eating habits, that is something she should have brought up in private, not at a dinner with your boyfriend and his family.

Stranger

If it would have been his mother out of line, then absolutely he should have stuck up for you. But since it was your mother, I can definitely see why he might feel awkward about that. Getting between family members can be like stepping into a minefield that’s been decades in the making. It takes time to learn where the traps are so you can step into it safely.

How old is your mother? I noticed with both of my grandmothers that as they got older they lost their “filters” and would just blurt out whatever came to mind. Especially someone’s weight.

Yeah, my GF and her mother fight all the time. I make a point of not picking sides. They are both hot-blooded Latinas and would both turn on me in a heartbeat. He made the only smart choice by staying out of it.

From the way you describe yourself, you don’t seem an unhealthy weight. And it’s rude for someone to comment like that, especially a parent, and in front of your boyfriend and his family.

And I know what bloating is like, and it’s not fun.

I’m sorry this happened to you.

And some people are just ****s at any age. It’s never an excuse.

Stranger

I’ve never “bloated” in my life and have no idea what it really even means.
But undoing your jeans and zipper in a public restaurant, really?
That’s so classless that I can’t imagine it happening.

Are you serious?

I highly doubt that you’ve never bloated. Everyone has at one point in their lives.

Not to mention my IBS. My stomach was in so much pain and felt like exploding, the last thing I cared about was doing that in public. I usually wouldn’t, but the discomfort and sick feeling was too much. I felt like my pants were going to pop open, it was THAT bad.

A little compassion goes a long way, you know?

By the way, here’s a little video one of my girlfriends sent me this afternoon to cheer me up about my drama. And it partially addresses your question:

https://vimeo.com/242931790

Things happen. Live and let live, especially when a person like me with a digestive disorder is suffering.

Thank you.

What angered me the most is that she knew about my eating disorder. She knew I shrank to 105 when I was 24. She really just wanted to provoke me.

My mom is 66, for what it’s worth.

You’re all class, aren’t you?

Stranger

Did your mother contribute to your earlier eating disorder issues? I know for some women the way their mothers picked at their bodies (and usually their grandmothers too) it led to their body issues and eventual eating disorders.