"Enjoy Your Kids While They're Young" - bah!

[astorian]

@fessie

Yes, and — mommies are already full of guilt. FULL of it. We know we’re inadequate, it’s a given. Babies are infinite, we are not.

I just wonder at the advisability of giving people advice when the advice is meeting the giver’s needs, and not the recipient’s.

Mommies are already overwhelmed with emotions. Nothing more needs to be heaped on.

Obviously, I know nothing about you or your life. If things are really rough on you, I’m genuinely sorry.

But the purpose of saying “Enjoy this time” is NOT to make you or any other parent feel guilty! Just the opposite. The guilt will be there no matter what.

We’re telling you that, whenever possible, you should relax and enjoy the good parts of parenting. At least SOME of the time, it ought to be fun.

And it’s those fun parts that make the tough times bearable.

[fessie]

Let me ask you this - let’s say you’re at dinner with someone. An adult. Do you remind them to chew their food? Or do you assume that they know how to eat and don’t need to be reminded?

That’s what that “Enjoy” bit sounds like, to me.

When I tell someone to do something, it’s because I’m not sure they will. I think that’s the unspoken message.

[MandaJo]

@fessie

Yes, and — mommies are already full of guilt. FULL of it. We know we’re inadequate, it’s a given. Babies are infinite, we are not.

I just wonder at the advisability of giving people advice when the advice is meeting the giver’s needs, and not the recipient’s.

Mommies are already overwhelmed with emotions. Nothing more needs to be heaped on.

I don’t know about that. When people tell me “enjoy this time”, I feel a little less guilty about ducking out of work ten minutes early to get home to the baby, or buying 3 new laundry hampers to give the clean clothes a new home, or not answering the phone when old friends call and want to chat. I’m busy enjoying the baby, and knowing that so many people agree that that is an okay priority makes me feel a lot better.

[Moonlitherial]

@WhyNot

I apologize that my use of hyperbole while sharing what was intended to be lighthearted, vulgar, observational “oh-no-she-di’int say that” humor to validate and empathize with a fellow mother’s experiences was confusing.

If it makes you feel any better I choked while trying not to laugh while reading it. I was in an inappropriate to laugh at that time location

[MandaJo]

@fessie

Let me ask you this - let’s say you’re at dinner with someone. An adult. Do you remind them to chew their food? Or do you assume that they know how to eat and don’t need to be reminded?

That’s what that “Enjoy” bit sounds like, to me.

When I tell someone to do something, it’s because I’m not sure they will. I think that’s the unspoken message.

I think it’s more like telling a sick co-worker to “go home and take it easy”–you know they want to but feel like they can’t, or shouldn’t, and you are reassuring them that they won’t be judged if they do.

[fessie]

I just remembered a friend’s helpful advice – instead of a vague “Enjoy”, she told me that when her children were babies, she used to just wheel them over to the park & spread a blanket and let them stare up into the leaves.

So I tried that. It was wonderful

[Moonlitherial]

@fessie

Let me ask you this - let’s say you’re at dinner with someone. An adult. Do you remind them to chew their food? Or do you assume that they know how to eat and don’t need to be reminded?

That’s what that “Enjoy” bit sounds like, to me.

When I tell someone to do something, it’s because I’m not sure they will. I think that’s the unspoken message.

Try and translate in your head to “Oh I wish I was having those moments again I didn’t spend enough time enjoying them when I had them”

The ironic part is that if you were enjoying them as much as they wish they had you’d be getting advice for other reasons because you wouldn’t have a job due to not showing up and your house would be condemned because who has time for housework there is a child to gaze at. Also the best way to create self absorbed children.

[phreesh]

The simple piece of advice that I received as a frazzled new dad was to, “not wish away these days.”

Sure, there’s crappy days, but there’s also awesome days and, as many have stated, you can never have them back again.

Kids get easier in many ways as they get older, but they also get different - jaded, wise, ironic, insincere. Those days when they truly believed in fairies and Santa and that stuffed animals needed bandaids will go. Try your best to enjoy them in those moments and don’t forget them.

[maggenpye]

@fessie

I just remembered a friend’s helpful advice – instead of a vague “Enjoy”, she told me that when her children were babies, she used to just wheel them over to the park & spread a blanket and let them stare up into the leaves.

So I tried that. It was wonderful

Good for you.

[cmkeller]

I don’t see “Enjoy the kids while they’re young” as meaning that older kids are not fun. On the contrary, I think my older kids are a ton of fun for having grown up. My oldest made a joke last week that had me laughing more than any of the silly little antics of the babies and toddlers, and it was something I could share with friends without them rolling their

But “Enjoy while they’re young” is still good advice, because whatever advantages the youth offers - the cuteness, the innocence, the wonder in their eyes - passes, so don’t miss the fleeting chance to enjoy it. The type of enjoyment you get from older kids will continue as they grow.