Enough with the chickenshit "scandals"!!

The BBQ Pit
#1

Just got the word that Wayne Gr…I mean, someone related to Wayne Gretzky lost $100,000 betting on NHL…NFL games, which is highly illegal…um, actually it isn’t, but the ring, set up by the Coyotes’ assistant coach, was…maybe. It was (probably) run by an organized crime syndicate. At least that’s what we’ve been told. Well, it had at least some involvement to organized crime (probably). But Wayne himself is guilty of…uh…we think obstruction of justice. Or some kind of conspiracy. Of course, there have been no charges yet, and there probably won’t ever be but…er…um…there could. Possibly. Theoretically. (See related commentary in In My Humble Opinion thread.)

Jesus fucking christ on skates, what the hell IS this crap? This is the lamest, weakest so-called scandal I’ve heard since…

Well, that’d be the infamous “Love Boat” incident. If you’ll remember, that’s where a bunch of Minnesota Vikings were on a self-improvement retreat of some kind. But it turned into a wild party where most of them indulged in debauchery. Exactly what kind, I don’t know, but there was lots and lots of debauchery. Oh yeah, and an 18-year-old stripper, which would maker her…uh, completely legal. But it sounds kinda illicit, doesn’t it? Please forgive me if this description is a bit awkward; that’s what happens when, several months after the fact, I still don’t have any fucking idea what happened, and NOT ONE SINGLE PERSON IN THE VIKINGS ORGANIZATION WAS CONVICTED OF ANYTHING. (Feel free to correct me if I’m wrong. Any actual information would be a colossal improvement over what I have to go on right now.) Don’t get me started on “debauchery” getting this much attention…did the 18th century end or what?

Going back a bit further, I distinctly remember a bit of innuendo surrounding American Idol…the one won by Carrie Underwood or Fantasia Barrino, I don’t remember which. It seemed that Paula Abdul, one of the judges, actually coached one of the contestants (a guy, not Underwood or Barrino) for quite some time. And they might have even, wink wink, gotten intimate. In other words, a woman on some corny game show who has absolutely zippo influence on who wins it did something that didn’t violate any of said game show’s rules, which didn’t matter anyway since the guy didn’t win, and…this is important!..both people in question were of legal age. So when exactly do we get to the marginally salacious part?

I could go on and on. A pitcher possibly-maybe-we think grooving a pitch to Cal Ripken or whoever in an exhibition game that’s never in its history been anything besides a superstar showcase. A drunk Jack Palance reading the wrong name on the card/teleprompter at the Oscars, except that he wasn’t drunk, and the teleprompter didn’t show the winner, and the card had only one name on it, and he read it correctly, and absolutely nothing out of line happened. The Canadian figure skating duo being “robbed” of a gold medal when the consensus among the folks who actually know a damn thing about sport was that they played it too safe and it could’ve gone either way. ANYTHING AT ALL involving marijuana, which is far safer than some of the useless crap I was forced to take during my lifetime.

Geez. Remember the Black Sox? The S&L bailout? Iran-Contra? THOSE were scandals. Hell, I barely have any idea what went on with Oil For Food, and it’s still a far weighter scandal than that garbage involving Janet Gretzky. Look, I only ask for two things: 1. There’s been some actual wrongdoing, and 2. it’s the kind of wrongdoing I give a crap about. That’s it.

With all the genuine nastiness in the world, why trump up shit like this?

#2

Spoken like someone who obviously isn’t thinking of the children.

[sub]seriosly. great rant.[/sub]

#3

Now that would be a sports scandal I’d pay $$$ to see.

BTW, could we possibly change the header to read Enough with the chickenshit sports “scandals”!!? Phoney scandals are a widespread cultural problem, but the OP deals only with sports for some reason.

#4

American Idol is a sport?

#5

Genuine nastiness is depressing. It’s so much more fun to gossip about stars’ misbehavior because everyone gets to jump on the moral superiority bandwagon.

Secondly, things like Iran-Contra are complicated and people who have little understanding of international politics find them difficult to understand. “American Idol” is something they’re familiar with, whereas they may have been completely unaware there even WAS an oil-for-food program.

#6

To be fair, there were rumors that pitchers grooved him a home run in game #2181 (a real game that counted in the record books) too.

#7

:smack: Oh, fucknubbins. And I read the name Carrie Underwood and everything.

I guess it was the way it was laid out:

I. sports
II. sports
III. talent show
IV. various stuff including sports, award show, sports, drugs
V. still more various stuff, but leading off with sports, before going on to politics

I don’t know why I got the overall impression of sports, except that I was skimming, which made it look as if everything was about sports.

Apologies. And fucknubbins.

#8

And yes, it could be argued that American Idol is a sport, reinforcing as it does the ethic of all-out cutthroat competition.

#9

Fabulous rant, and dead right.

I give you a 10, and a hearty high-five.

#10

Really. I’m watching the news every day to see if Jill Carroll has been released and I’ll see nothing about her, but there’s a headline about Britney Spears and Kevin Fed-her-a-line’s latest stupidathon.

Scandals just aint what they used to be.

#11

I believe it too, because we all needed the feel good experience of seeing Cal homer in the his 50th game since he broke Lou Gehrig’s record. :smiley:

#12

3, 8, they all look the same.

#13

SSSSHHHH!!! Are you trying to get that crap into the Olympics, fer chrissake?

#14

Geez, based on the thread title I came in here ready to admonish the OP for being a bad citizen who’s apathetic about matters of considerable import to the public.

Now I find that he’s just reacting to the ineluctable and indigestible manifestation of what the great philospher De Selby characterized as the “Instinct to Gossip.”

Yes, every day brings a baroque barrage of banality.

Miss World Runner-Up Wore the Same Underwear Two Days in a Row! What You Think About It-- A3

#15

What’s the underwear going for on eBay?

#16

There are indeed a few inaccuracies in your comment that should be corrected.

“self-improvement retreat”. No, this was an annual “party” put on by new players for veteran players. I suppose you could claim that improving comraderie with veteran players is “self-improvement”, but that’s a stretch.

“18-year-old stripper”. The issue with this was not her age, but transporting her across state lines. (And the local complaint about the Vikings importing strippers from out of state, when we had plenty of local ones if they had wanted to patronize local business!)

The age issue came up because 16 year old high school students working as waitresses on the boat were present when a player publicly manipulated a double-headed dildo in the vaginas of two women.

“NOT ONE SINGLE PERSON IN THE VIKINGS ORGANIZATION WAS CONVICTED OF ANYTHING”. Well, true – so far. But that’s only because the trial hasn’t been held yet. Somehow, the local prosecutors didn’t get around to even filing charges for 2 months or so (until the NFL season was about over). Heck, the trial of a former Viking player on rape charges from the Feb, 2003 team Arctic Blast event didn’t start until this fall.

“Any actual information would be a colossal improvement”. Then see actual copies of the indictments at Vikings Charged In Bawdy Boat Case | The Smoking Gun

#17

Gretzky could take him.

#18

Besides, there’s only one position Jesus could play. Goalie.

#19

When I was a kid, the dresser in my room had a sticker on it that said, “Only the Lord saves more than Bernie Parent”. Put there by a zealous relative who knew I liked hockey and thought they could sneak a little conversion message into my room. All it did was to create a whole new topic of discussion around hockey games. “Oh, burned through the five hole. Jesus would have had that one!”

#20

Jesus saves, Gretzky with the rebound… he scores!