Ethically Speaking, Should I Try to Find My Uncle?

Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
1

My grandfather, during WWII, was in Sydney, Australia for a time. I now live here.

My mother told me recently that I have an Australian uncle. My grandparents were engaged, but not married when he was here, and he apparently had a son by an Australian woman. My mother found out just before he died a few years ago.

(Not actually part of the story, but my grandfather was a jerk. This proves more of his general jerkiness, and I’m ok with that. I never really liked him, and he never liked me, because I am his oldest grandchild and, to quote Bill Cosby, god forgot to put the stem on the apple. My next oldest cousin is some 7 years younger than me, with the aforementioned applestem, and Grandpa liked him a lot, but he didn’t like Grandpa either, none of us kids did. He drank, he was horrible to us, and REALLY horrible to my mom.)

I’m fuzzy on the details, as is Mom, but the upshot is that I have the name of the child, a general time-span for his birth, and the first name of the mother.

I realize that a.) the mother may have remarried, and that the son may not have the last name of my grandfather any more (apparently he was given this name at birth) and that b.) he may know nothing of my grandfather and c.) that my grandfather basically abandoned him. (I mentioned he was a jerk, yeah?)

I’m curious, and you know, here. The man in question would be in his late 50s. Its possible I could find him, if I worked at it. But…would he want to know? Should I try?

I’m inclined to let sleeping dogs lie, even though I’m fascinated with the idea that I have a realitive here, so far from any of my others.

Thoughts? Very pointless, but still. Grandpa and Grandma are both dead now (and I miss Grandma terribly), so no worries about what the old bastard would think of it. My Mom is…well, a bit nuts, frankly, but either wants me to try or not depending on when I speak to her about it. And I love my Mom, so I want to do what she wants in the matter. She lost two sisters, has two other brothers, and has problems of her own related to her lupus that cause her to have mental difficulties sometimes.

So I don’t know. What would you do?

Cheers,
G

2

My first thought is that if he wanted to find out, he would have pursued this on his own. It’s not clear what he knows about it and HE may prefer to leave it as it was told to him. The ethical question to me is whether you can take the risk of letting him know this.

3

Your Uncle is old enough to be told the truth. If you can find him he will probably have some interest in his ancestry. If he doesn’t he will certainly let you know. From what I’ve read, there were quite a few war babies created in Australia and New Zealand by US GI’s during the war. Their men had been fighting in Europe for years and our men were looked upon (quite fondly) as protectors from the pending Japanese invasion.

4

Its not at all clear, no. And to complicate matters, my Grandfather had an extraordinarly common (though German) name and a common (for his era) first name. So finding him might not have been easy, I think.

Cheers,
G

5

Mmm…there’s that aspect, and I have thought he might like to know our (doubleplusungood) medical history - but if he’s in his late 50s, he’s likely either dodged that bullet or knows it all too well.

Living here, there were a few war babies, mostly their kids that I’ve run across (hey, you’re American? cool, so it my dad!)

I really am torn two ways on this.

Cheers,
G

6

One bump.

Also, with the information given - how would I go about this?

Cheers,
G

7

I have no particular input on your actual question, but the more I read your post, the more I think, my god that could be MY uncle!
The initials of the uncle and mother concerned aren’t S and O respectively, are they? 'Cos that would be … um … pretty freaky :eek:

8

No, they aren’t but it is freaky!

What would your uncle think, if it were him? Would he want a call?

Cheers,
G

9

Probably not - he really doesn’t like to be reminded about the fact he’s illegitimate. It was a big deal back then, and I think it still rankles.

(also, in his specific case, he’s somewhat of a dick himself and we’re no longer on speaking terms since he sued my mother to try to get the “50/50 split” terms of their mum’s will changed to a “95/5 in his favour” one. But that’s beside the point as far as your uncle is concerned of course!)

10

Seeking the truth is never unethical.

11

Well, as someone who was sought out after 25+ yrs by the daughter I surrendered to adoption as a teenager, I say - go for it!

I had trepidation, I was afraid - I was a fool. No greater thing could happen to me in my lifetime even if I live to be 100!

We are mother and daughter not uncle and nephew, of course, but it’s still an amazing experience to suddenly find another of your own ilk where you thought there were none!

I think you should look. If you find him, learn as much as possible about his nature and character as you can and then send him a letter.

The worst case scenario is he is not interested, you’re no worse off really. If it goes the other way you could find a very cool uncle who’s delighted you found him!

And good luck!

12

She knows the truth but is it ethical to spread the truth to someone who doesn’t know and isn’t seeking?

13

No. she knows bits amd pieces, and some of that informaion is suspect. There’s a lot of information that might be discovered through public records without telling anyone the reasons for the search, or the results of it.

Who you tell is a whole 'nother question. And yes, ethics enters into that question.