I almost put this in the Pit because I am so angry about it, but I want people’s input on what to do. Short version of what happened:
My uncle and aunt have been not happy in their marriage for a while now, she’d been complaining about his not being home, drinking too much (which for her is anything at all), etc. I have always been sympathetic to my uncle, while not condoning eveything he did (more to come later), b/c IMO aunt is a controlling, ice-queen bitch. Uncle is not a bad person, not an alcoholic (despit what she tries to imply) not abusive, etc.
Ok. Mom informs me that Uncle was “arrested for indecency” at a nearby park. “Arrested for indecency” is all I know…not quite sure, but ok, don’t have to draw me a picture. Uncle confesses to Aunt and my Mom that he is gay, has been trying to not hurt his kids, but living in suffering for a long time…but not cheating on Aunt, he says. He wants to separate to be away from her, not to seek out other relationships. Fine, they separate.
Now she is trying to turn the whole family against him (which is not working). “Poor me my whole life has been a lie.” Yes, I do feel bad for her, but also for Uncle, who has obviously not taken this lightly, made all attempts to work something out, but also cannot be expected to deny himself his whole life. Yes, it would have been better if he had never married her, he is responsible for all actions thus far. Keep in mind both are from families not likely to accept homosexuality, esp. Aunt’s side, who have basically condemned him to hell.
Now Uncle is living on his own and helping her and his kids out as much as he ever did before, if not more. This is what is upsetting me: My aunt refuses to tell their 2 kids their father is gay, and told him not to tell them, either. Now keep in mind the WHOLE rest of the family knows. Kids are not little, 14 and 16 years old. (I have suspicions, actually, that the 16 yr old may also be gay, but that’s another story.) Apparently this is such a big shame to her and the family no one may know, not even his kids! This angers me, because obviously they will find out someday…and be even more hurt that everyone in the family knew but them! Yes, this will be tough for them, as they have been brought up to think gay=sin. But isn’t it better to know now than to find out by accident in 2,10,20 years! Also, uncle cannot ever have a public relationship…not even come out to his kids!
I’m very troubled by this, I feel that the kids need to know, but also feel I need to Mind My Own Business. If I tell, I don’t think anyone in my family will support me. But I think it’s hurting them more this way.
What Would You Do?