So a quick update. The FOAF is indeed offering to pay for the cost of repairs and is quite contrite. So I’m not pissed at him anymore. For those wondering, I live in a really old apartment with very odd plumbing and a very weird old toilet, so taking it out myself would be problematic (also, I would probably manage to drop it on myself and get my hand wedged in some pipe and, perhaps, drown myself in toilet water - not very handy, me). So the plumber is basically required.
So that’s handled. The problem now is the Friend who brought the FOAF over. She is apparently annoyed that I even bothered to complain about the issue and is being quite negative and bitchy about the whole thing – I received an email from her giving me the FOAF’s email and stating flatly that she’d prefer to be left out of the whole situation. Now, this is weird. What is going on here? I have not demanded anything from her; I just let her know what had happened (remaining calm, not threatening to throw balls of poo at it or anything!). I suppose she’s defensive about it all? Like, she feels responsible, and therefore feels guilty, and is angry that I am making her feel that way? Or she feels like she is completely not responsible for the actions of others? I’m gonna stay away from this girl from now on.
Jellyblue, thanks for the props. I was a gracious hostess, damnit! Thank you! Though I will never be a gracious hostess again. I have learned my lesson and will toss out all potentially suspicious characters from now on.
You’re welcome, you deserve it. Really, I am quite impressed!
Clearly the only thing to do is to crash one of her parties and bring an obnoxious drunken guest who will proceed to flush cosmetics down her toilet. As an added bonus, have him/her barf in her makeup drawer. Make sure you save her emails so you can wave them in her face after.
If the plumbing is old (as you say), a plumber is probably called for. With newer toilets, this might be an easy job, but there are no guarantees the further the construction goes back in time. Licensed plumbers will have what it takes to get the job done. And don’t use the auger; it’s designed more for …software… than for hardware. The chances are that the compact (or whatever) is stuck in the toilet trap which is an easy removal. If you push it farther down the line, it might be a real task to remove. Even flushing can potentially make this worse. The best is just to leave it alone until a pro can look at it.
oh, no, no, no.
do what a seriously diabolical aquaintance of mine did once. notice i said acquaintance and not friend; she put raw shrimp in the curtain rods of her soon to be former residence with the ex. where the stuff wouldn’t fit in the rods, she sewed it into the bottom of the curtains.
Since the FOAF is owning up to his drunken indiscretions, your anger should be entirely focused on your “friend” who brought him over. Clearly, the thing to do in this situation is to hide raw ground beef throughout her house: under the furniture, on top of the fan blades, inside the TV and computers (sprinkle it through the fan holes, if the TV is old enough and the computers are desktops), in the middle of the dry-goods cupboard and/or spice rack (to attract insects and rodents, of course; be sure to unscrew the spice bottles so ants can get in), in her gas tank and tailpipe, in the mailbox, inside the toaster, etc.
But I’ve heard that idea so many times that it’s beginning to take on the air of an urban legend. (Or the air of rotting shrimp.) Did you actually see the aquaintence do this?
I am mainly concerned about the stickiness/sliminess. If I were to do this, I would likely have a bit of trouble sewing the shrimp into the curtains in a way that would be fairly neat and not too obvious, while simultaneously maintaining a decent level of control over the needle and thread. There would be shrimp bits everywhere and a bad sewing job would be evident, and then all subtlety would be lost.
But I like it. I must figure out a way to do this.
You could just use some of that water proof tape that comes in first aid kits to tape them on the underside of dresser and night stand drawers. It’s much faster to plant them that way.
And these are just the bad odor ones. Luckily I haven’t gotten to the actually malicious ones yet. Something along the lines of really hot chili powder dumped into a hair dryer.
