Backstory: OK so here’s the deal. For those of you who don’t know, I was lucky enough to meet the love of my life online thanks to Joss Whedon (ok not him personally, but you know what I mean).
We’re getting married ASAP (according to me), and/or when we’re ready (according to her). Whether same-sex marriage is 100% legal in Canada by then or not doesn’t matter, since I’m a Unitarian Universalist and they’ve been doing SS weddings since at least the 80’s. So that part is just a big yawn.
Nitty-gritty: In planning the Wedding Of My Girlish Dreams[sup]TM[/sup], my thoughts have been turned to the music, since I’ve already decided on flowers, dresses, and all the other things that make my Blushing Co-Bride-to-be put her fingers in her ears and sing; “I don’t care and you can’t make me” until I give up and check the fan news pages to find out if Madonna is pregnant yet.
Now here’s the Emily Post stuff: Is it appropriate to include singing in the wedding ceremony? I know it’s not traditional, but who the hell cares about that, it’s a lesbian wedding in a hippy-dippy freethinker church for Og’s sake. I was wondering if there is a reasoning for why hymns are not usually part of the wedding. I can’t think of one, but then sometimes I have problems with calculating sales tax in my head, so I don’t put a lot of faith in my grey matter.
I would love to sing the Unitarian version of For The Beauty Of The Earth at my wedding, and hear my 50 guests (and my bride) sing it with me, but I also don’t want anyone’s decorum to be shattered. I’ve looked at wedding sites and whatnot for pointers, but everyone is mum on this subject.
Well, why on earth shouldn’t you? If it makes you and your bride happy, then go for it. I don’t see why singing something appropriate should bother anyone, and if it does, then so what? This day is about the two of you - make it beautiful in whatever way you wish.
I’ve sung at a wedding (as a guest, I mean) and it was in a fairly stuffy Episcipalian church over ten years ago, so it can’t be that shocking. Especially if it is an established hymm for that church.
Coincidentally enough, everyone sang “For The Beauty of the Earth” at my college roommate’s very formal Presbyterian church wedding. It was lovely, especially since most of the guests knew that the bride and groom were both very musical and that the bride had been in church choirs since she was a wee little thing. I think it’s a beautiful, joyful wedding song.
Ya know, up until the “same-sex” bit, I thought this was me posting under someone else’s name!
Sing your little hearts out. It’s your day…make the most of it. Maybe if you ask Joss real nice, he’ll write a song for you! Or modify Anya’s “Mrs.” song from “Selfless.”
Whatever you do, congratulations and all the best!
Well, if you’re gonna sing “For the Beauty of the Earth”, you’d better pick up a copy of the John Rutter version (it exists for unison children’s choir, SA, and SATB, I believe).
Must be us Unitarians: Not only did my husband and I sing “The Rose” to each other as part of the ceremony (it helps if you know that we do this fairly often, and in public, as one of the numbers we inflict on a usually uncomplaining audience), but our Unitarian minister, a former folk singer, sang “Let It Be A Dance.”
It used to be a tradition at Southern weddings to get the local soprano to sing “Oh Promise Me.” I can’t think of a reason in the world why voices shared in the joy of singing would be inappropriate for a wedding. My only advice is to pick something eminently singable, and make it clear if you expect the whole congregation to join in or not-and supply the lyrics and melody line in printed form.
Congrats, by the way! I’m deeply enjoying the current grass roots rebellion of various mayors, judges, and city hall clerks who are simply refusing to acknowledge or enforce anti-gay statutes: at some point, even if gay-marriage advocates remain a minority, they get to be such a sizable minority that they become–dare I say it–a voting bloc!
I expect that singing is rare at big fancy weddings because one usually hires professionals for such weddings, and after you’ve paid for a band, chamber music, or an organist, paying for a singer (and probably an accompanist) is downright painful. I know that singing is common at more mosest weddings, wherein one is willing to let a friend sing.
Wow, music is a huge part of the Catholic wedding ceremony. My wedding was very traditional, and we had at least half a dozen hymns sung during the mass…
Regardless, I say as the others have–if it floats your boat then go right ahead. Ettiquete, shmettiquete if you ask me. You only get married once (if you’re lucky) so you should make of it what you will, ettiquete be damned.
I used to read Miss Manners assiduously, and I’ve never seen anything to suggest that singing (either solo, choir, or congregation) is any more inappropriate at a wedding than flowers are.
For the record, singing has been a part of almost every wedding I’ve ever attended. (except my cousin’s outdoor wedding a few years back) It’s used more for worship than anything else, since we are Christians.
It’s hard to explain, buttonjockey. Perhaps it’s some kind of subconscious conditioning from my upbringing by one daughter of United Empire Loyalists and one Lutheran I-am-Vulcan-and-do-not-show-emotion, but it always seemed a little uncouth to belt out hymns at a wedding. I never did at either of the weddings I attended (aforementioned Lutheran Dad, and a Catholic friend from India).
I’m over it now though, and FTBOTE is one of my faves. I have this page in my favourites, and when I’m home alone I sing along.
Singing has been a part of both weddings I’ve attended. At one, an a capella singer sang this really beautiful Swedish love song. At the other, where the bride was deaf, a guy sang that same song (it’s that beautiful) in Sign. That was pretty amazing.
And a big fat hairy Thank You, kfl, as I now have the aforementioned John Rutter setting firmly wedged in my head and it’s taunting me with the foreknowledge that it’s going to be there all day :rolleyes:
Kung Fu Lola, first off, let me be, oh, about the 50th Doper to congratulate you on your upcoming nuptials! Second, let me say this: no matter what you do at your wedding, someone is going to be annoyed/pissed off/put out/think it’s tacky! That’s why you can’t worry about the rest of the people. This is a day for you and your SO to celebrate what you are to each other, and what you will be to each other for the rest of your lives! So, sing, dance, have a paintball battle, whatever. I think singing at a wedding is beautiful, but the bottom line is that it doesn’t matter what I think; it only matters what you guys (er, girls) think!
