Dear Miss Manners: a relative of mine (whom I’ll call Pookie) was being given a ride to a social event by a friend when an acquaintance of Pookie’s accosted them at a traffic signal, upset that my young relative was tardy in repaying a personal loan and expressing his intention to shoot Pookie. The person squiring about Pookie was somewhat alarmed at this turn of events and asked him to exit the vehicle; Pookie declined. Several rounds were directed at the car, one injuring young Pookie, though his erstwhile chauffeur was unharmed. Pookie was quickly released with minor injuries, a sad commentary on the marksmanship of urban youth.
As you might imagine, a lively debate ensued in the hospital waiting area among concerned friends and relatives. Some felt it was rude (if I’m correctly interpreting the term “bitch-ass move”) of the driver to ask Pookie to leave the car, while others felt good manners would demand Pookie volunteer to leave and not endanger the life and property of someone doing him a good turn. What is correct?
The first rule of driving in the hood is never make a left turn, thereby eliminating the risk of being stuck at a traffic light without an quick getaway option.
And I would have to side with Pookie, I would also not voluntarily get out of a vehicle to be surrounded by those wishing to do me harm.
As Miss Manners is certain the Gentle Reader is well aware, the point of manners and etiquette is to prevent sticky social situations from arising in the first place, or at least to mitigate their severity. With that in mind, it is worth noting that without Pookie’s lack of savoir-faire in upholding his own earlier social contract with his now-unhappy creditor, the entire question would be moot.
Thus, having failed his first test of mannerly behavior, it does now fall upon Pookie to attempt to protect his benefactor in whatever ways remain open to him, without, Miss Manners hastens to add, putting himself in the path of possible injury or death. Such consequences are a bit to severe, and in the case of death, permanent, to rest upon manners as a rationale. It is also worth noting at this point that while an unanticipated stressful situation can upset the most balanced and mannerly person’s mind, the chauffeur was not displaying the best of behavior either.
Miss Manners suggests that in the future, Pookie might avail himself of what is commonly termed “street smarts” to ascertain the location and habits of his creditors and his associates, and to advise future chauffeurs to avoid those particular areas of town. Likewise, his potential benefactors might perhaps discretely inquire as to any potential difficulties with areas of the city, or with particular organizations or loose associations of people, before making the offer of transportation, rather than in the heat of the moment.
Then again, no one that knows Pookie well enough for him to ask you for a loan should expect him to honor the agreement. In his mind, his creditor’s unreasonable expectations created his unhappiness, rather than Pookie. Some might see him as a deadbeat - he sees it as merely flouting tired convention. (Pookie’s on parole for flouting convention, btw. Why should only licensed drivers be allowed on the roads, and only in cars that belong to them? Quite forward-thinking, our Pookie.)