Europeans: If you don't date, what do you do?

[The_Flying_Dutchman]

Back to the topic,

The 4 months this Canadian was in Britain back in 1975 I dated 3 separate girls, serially, without the slightest idea that the Brits were any different when it came to going out one on one.

[Rilchiam]

@GorillaMan

I think it does, completely. The European (or at least British & Irish) ‘typical’ situation is all about equality and neutrality, as others have said. As soon as the male is expected to be the leading member, the dynamic has shifted away from this.

And the whole thing about not meeting just as a couple in the early stages has other benefits - Know me, know my friends, therefore know the whole me. If you meet someone’s friends at this stage, you’ll have a far better idea of what kind of person they are than if you see them by themself. Which obviously can make you realise you dislike someone far more quickly, but can also confirm your suspicions that they’re a good match for you.

All right; fair enough.

[Wendell_Wagner]

Tomcat writes:

> If you look at younger folk, then the differences between the USA and Europe
> can be even greater. The USA and the puritanical avoidance of teenage sex
> means that most teens end up blowing each other in the backseats of cars or
> at a home where the parents aren’t home. In Europe (big brush strokes here) a
> teenage girl can have her boyfriend stay the night and they will wake up and
> have breakfast with mom and dad. It wasn’t until I was in College that I stayed
> at a girl’s house with her parents knowledge, and that was a HUGE deal. Here
> (Czech) my wife and her friends told me that that wasn’t uncommon in high
> school, and most people in college that were snoggin were bringing partners
> home for the weekend.

The thing is though that according to statistics I’ve read, the rate of teenage sexual activity in the U.S. is the second highest among all industrialized countries. The British, interestingly, are the only ones with a higher rate. 86% of British women are sexually active by the age of 19, 75% of American women are sexually active by the age of 19, and all other industrialized countries (including all the rest of western Europe) are less than that. I have some theories about this, but I don’t really know for sure why this is so.

First of all, I think that “puritanical” is a terrible description of American culture, despite how commonly it’s used to describe it. Americans tend to take a mechanical, pragmatic view of everything, including sex. Yeah, ministers and/or parents lecturing teenagers about sex are more common, but in the U.S. computer dating and sex manuals are also more common. Sex is a problem to be solved in the U.S., not something that going to happen eventually no matter what.

In continental Europe, young people meet in groups and future boyfriend/girlfriend couples can get to know each other gradually, while in the U.S. it’s more common for it to be necessary for a couple to have to go on a date to get a chance to get to know each other. A couple will thus be alone together sooner in the U.S. than in continental Europe and will thus have an opportunity for sex earlier than continental Europe.

So why do the British have an even higher rate of teenage sexual activity then? (I’ve been reading the book Watching the English by Kate Fox_, a anthropological study of the English people by an English anthropologist, so don’t blame me for the following generalization.) The English are so socially inept that getting to know someone that one is sexually interested in is very difficult for them. You have to pretend to a casual acquaintanceship with someone until you’re ready to get serious with them. You have to almost fall into the relationship (and proceed quickly to sex) and the beginning of the relationship also usually has to be lubricated by alcohol to get over the social awkwardness.

[Elmer_MuD_PhuD]

At what stage in the relationship do European’s move in together?
I ask this because I work with a French girl who is my type brought to life. ~5’5", brown hair, freckles, athletic with a thin layer of fat, and an ability to walk and move with effortless grace, as if she could go about her day barefoot and be none the wiser. But she has a boyfriend. A boyfriend she lives with. A boyfriend she moved to America from France with. I would have given up all hope but:

1. They both work in the same industry, for which this local is a hot spot
2. This local is also very expensive to live in
3. The last girlfriend/boyfriend couple that moved in together upon moving here broke up a few months later
4. She’s just so damn well, cute
   So, anyway, what are my chances.

[irishgirl]

Moving in together…something you do if this relationship is likely to end in marriage.

French women, well, to say that they are high maintenance is an understatement, so I’d imagine that moving in together is an even bigger step.