Eve vs. Glurge, part VI

[Eve]

When will people learn that I love rewriting these things and hitting “reply all?”

What I received:

1.Remember that the quality of your life is determined by the quality of your thoughts.
2. Keep the promises you make to others - and to yourself.
3. The project that most scares you is the project you need to do first.
4. Small daily improvements are the key to staggering long-term results.
5. Stop being busy being busy. This New Year, clean out the distractions from your work+life and devote to a monomaniacal focus on the few things that matter.
6. Read “The War of Art”.
7. Watch “The Fighter”.
8. In a world where technology is causing some of us to forget how to act human, become the politest person you know.
9. Remember that all great ideas were first ridiculed.
10. Remember that critics are dreamers gone scared.
11. Be “Apple-Like” in your obsession with getting the details right.
12. Take 60 minutes every weekend to craft a blueprint for the coming seven days. As Saul Bellow once said: “A plan relieves you of the torment of choice.”
Release your need to be liked this New Year. You can’t be a visionary if you long to be liked.
13. Disrupt or be disrupted.
14. Hire a personal trainer to get you into the best shape of your life. Superstars focus on the value they receive versus the cost of the service.
15. Give your teammates, customers and family one of the greatest gifts of all: the gift of your attention (and presence).
16. Every morning ask yourself: “How may I best serve the most people?”
17. Every night ask yourself: “What 5 good things happened to me this day?”
18. Don’t waste your most valuable hours (the morning) doing low value work.
19. Leave every project you touch at work better than you found it.
20. Your job is not just to work. Your job is to leave a trail of leaders behind you.
21. A job is not “just a job”. Every job is a gorgeous vehicle to express your gifts and talents - and to model exceptionalism for all around you.
22. Fears unfaced become your limits.
23. Get up at 5 am and take 60 minutes to prepare your mind, body, emotions and spirit to be remarkable during the hours that follow. Being a superstar is not the domain of the gifted but the prepared.
24. Write love letters to your family.
25. Smile at strangers.
26. Drink more water.
27. Keep a journal. Your life’s story is worth recording.
28. Do more than you’re paid to do and do work that leaves your teammates breathless.
29. Leave your ego at the door every morning.
30. Set 5 daily goals every morning. These small wins will lead to nearly 2000 little victories by the end of the year.
31. Say “please” and “thank you”.
32. Remember the secret to happiness is doing work that matters and being an instrument of service.
33. Don’t be the richest person in the graveyard. Health is wealth.
34. Life’s short. The greatest risk is risk-less living. And settling for average.

What I sent back:

1. Remember that the quality of your life is determined by the quality of your shoes. And your bag. But mostly, shoes…
2. Keep the promises you make to others – except the ones you lied your ass off about.
3. The project that most scares you is the one about killing the vampires…
4. Lots of vodka is the key to staggering long-term results.
5. Stop being busy being busy. This New Year, be busy being busy being busy. The point is, be busy.
6. Read “The War of Art”. And “The Art of Walt Disney.”
7. Watch “The Fighter”. That’s the Ed Wood film about the space aliens, right?
8. In a world where technology is causing some of us to forget how to act human, become the politest person you know. Robotically so.
9. Remember that all great ideas were first ridiculed. Especially the ones about ESP and ghost whispering and changing lead into gold.
10. Remember that critics are dreamers gone scared. And dreamers are scared of critics.
11. Be “Apple-Like” in your obsession with getting the details right. Remember how everyone loved Steve Jobs at a party!
12. Take 60 minutes every weekend to craft a blueprint for the coming seven days. Or just watch 60 Minutes. Or that Chris Hansen pedophile show, that’s funnier.
13. Ignore 13, it’s cursed.
14. Release your need to be liked this New Year. Be a total fucking bastard,. Ignore rule no. 8. .
15. Disrupt or be disrupted. Either one’s good. Not both at once, though.
16. Hire a personal trainer to get you into the best shape of your life. Kidnap one if necessary.
17. Every morning ask yourself: “How may I best serve the most people?” And did I ask them if they wanted fries with that?
18. Every night ask yourself: “What 5 good things happened to me this day?” Get your kidnapped trainer to suggest a few, too.
19. Don’t waste your most valuable hours (the morning) doing low value work. Tell your boss about this. Go out for a drink between say 10:00 and noon.
20. Give your teammates, customers and family one of the greatest gifts of all: Sea Monkeys. Everyone loves Sea Monkeys…
21. Every morning ask yourself: "what the fuck is that on my neck? Should I see a doctor about that?”
22. Every night ask yourself: “Crap, did I call the doctor about that thing on my neck?”
23. Fears unfaced become your limits. Take care of those damn vampires, already.
24. Leave every project you touch at work better than you found it. Just shuffle it around. It couldn’t hurt.
25. Your job is not just to work. Your job is to leave a trail of leaders behind you. And pretzel crumbs.
26. A job is not “just a job”. Every job is a gorgeous vehicle to express your gifts and talents – Hahahahaha. No, wait, really, I’m serious. .
27. Get up at 5 am and take 60 minutes to prepare your mind, body, emotions and spirit to be remarkable during the hours that follow. Then go right the fuck back to bed…
28. Write love letters to your family. Don’t sign them. Mail them with a big lipstick print on the envelope.
29. Smile at strangers. Pinch their bottoms.
30. Drink more water. It’s better with vodka in it, of course.
31. Keep a journal. Your life’s story is worth recording. Make up stories about you and George Clooney, That is worth even more.
32. Do more than you’re paid to do and do work that leaves your teammates breathless. Punch them in the stomach if necessary.
33. Leave your ego at the door every morning. No, wait, I meant “umbrella.” I always get those mixed up.
34. Set 5 daily goals every morning. These small wins will lead to nearly 2000 little victories by the end of the year. Yes, 2000 little, unimportant, pathetic goals you have wasted your year on.
35. ay “please” and “thank you”. Constantly. Whether it is appropriate or not. It really creeps people out.
36. Remember the secret to happiness is . . l. no, wait, I had this one . . . I’ll get back to you on this…
37. Don’t be the richest person in the graveyard. But find out who is, and dig them up. .
38. Life’s short. So is Mickey Rooney. .

[running_coach]

You are evil. In a good way.

[Merneith]

4. Lots of vodka is the key to staggering long-term results.

I laughed so hard I scared my dog.

Eve, from now on whenever I get glurge, I’m going to forward it straight to you. Hope you don’t mind!

[Jenaroph]

Yes, see, I’d suspect that people forward you this stuff BECAUSE you love rewriting it and hitting “reply all.”

[Duckster]

It is wonderful you are back Eve and gracing us with your presence, wisdom, humor and quirky look at life.

[gotpasswords]

30. Drink more water. It’s better with vodka in it, of course.

Scotch would work better here. You’ve already achieved staggering results with vodka in #4.

[Cat_Whisperer]

Okay, fine, I’ll finally go after all those damned vampires. Happy?

[Sailboat]

@Cat_Whisperer

Okay, fine, I’ll finally go after all those damned vampires. Happy?

Stop being such a martyr. We all have our crosses to hold out in front of us defensively.

[An_Gadai]

Seriously, who the fuck sends you all the glurge? I don’t think I’ve ever once received an item of glurge in my inbox.

[Cinnamon_Imp]

@An_Gadai

Seriously, who the fuck sends you all the glurge? I don’t think I’ve ever once received an item of glurge in my inbox.

My money’s on mother/elderly aunt!

[Duke]

@An_Gadai

Seriously, who the fuck sends you all the glurge? I don’t think I’ve ever once received an item of glurge in my inbox.

Oh, I’ll be happy to send you on some of mine!

[Eve]

@An_Gadai

Seriously, who the fuck sends you all the glurge? I don’t think I’ve ever once received an item of glurge in my inbox.

I do know a few amiable boobs who chirp over these things and innocently send them along. My mother and all of my aunts were made of much sterner stuff.

[CrazyCatLady]

@Jenaroph

Yes, see, I’d suspect that people forward you this stuff BECAUSE you love rewriting it and hitting “reply all.”

Yeah, if I had someone like her on my email list, I would go out of my way to find stuff she could rewrite for the amusement and edification of all. Because, fine as attention and sea monkeys are, hand crafted snark is truly the greatest gift of all.

[detop]

@CrazyCatLady

<snip> hand crafted snark is truly the greatest gift of all.

I am so stealing that !

[An_Gadai]

@hermette

My money’s on mother/elderly aunt!

I don’t let my mother use the Internet.

[Jackmannii]

I especially liked the new versions of #9 and #34.

[ShadowFacts]

I think #29 is the big winner. Hilarious

[Mighty_Girl]

27. Get up at 5 am and take 60 minutes to prepare your mind, body, emotions and spirit to be remarkable during the hours that follow. Then go right the fuck back to bed.

Heh!

Thanks for coming back and lending some class to this joint.

[Marley23]

5. Stop being busy being busy. This New Year, clean out the distractions from your work+life and devote to a monomaniacal focus on the few things that matter.

Monomania means an overwhelming, pathological focus on ONE thing. If you have that with a few things, it’s not MONOmania. It’s just being obsessive and anal, and probably boring and unpleasant to boot. This New Year, buy a dictionary.

6. Read “The War of Art”.

“The Art of War” Read 6.

11. Be “Apple-Like” in your obsession with getting the details right.

Demand that your loved ones and coworkers do everything exactly the way you tell them to, charge them double for everything, and spend most of your time acting smug and hanging out with hipsters who kiss your ass.

17. Every night ask yourself: “What 5 good things happened to me this day?”

Make sure to recite the list aloud right after sex. It’s a great way to motivate your partner for next time.

25. Smile at strangers.

And if they don’t smile back, follow them home with an unblinking smile on your face.

29. Leave your ego at the door every morning.

Leave a dead bird on your boss’ door every morning. It’s important to remember that life is short.

33. Don’t be the richest person in the graveyard.

And don’t be the deadest person in the country club.

[CrazyCatLady]

@detop

I am so stealing that !

Come to think of it, I may stitch it into a sampler for a friend of mine. It would suit her perfectly.