We have plans to go out with another couple this evening to celebrate my birthday. Being the more picky of the two, my wife typically has the final say on what restaurants we eat at, but I had the impression that for this occasion, it would be my choice.
There’s a top-notch Korean restaurant nearby - I’ve never tried Korean food, but by all accounts, this is an outstanding, can’t-miss restaurant, BBQ at the table setup, with helpful staff for newbies. My wife and the other couple eat sushi, Chinese, Thai, etc. She texted the other female counterpart about this place, and her reply was “sounds like a stomach ache”.
I’m really in the mood to try a place that I’ve never been to. We’re restricted by our babysitter, so we have to stay within a 10-15 mi radius, and there’s just not that many options - 2nd and 3rd choices were squelched for other reasons.
I don’t want to be difficult, especially with another couple involved, but I feel like I always gives in. Should I continue to try to sell them on the Korean place/bring the other husband into the picture (he’d probably be all for it), or back off and keep the women happy?
I don’t understand why these sorts of things get put up for discussion (not here, but among my friends).
On my birthday or just whenever I’d just like to go out to dinner, I decide where I want to go and inform any people I’d like to invite. They can come along or they can not. The end.
What did your wife actually say to the other woman to elicit “sounds like a stomach ache”? From your description it sounds great, and not that different to things they already eat. But I agree - unless there’s a really good reason why someone literally can’t eat at a particular place, it’s not their choice. It’s your birthday, it’s your choice.
If they won’t come with you, I will! I could murder some Korean food.
I checked that - at least from the text, it was non-descript.
Thanks for the responses…I should clarify that my wife really doesn’t want to try Korean either, although if the other couple by chance had eaten there and loved it, she would go without hesitation. Her girlfriends’ opinions of restaurants are the litmus test for her.
Everyone feels like they always give in. I hear this from my husband all the time, and I know I feel like I give in all the time. That’s just what compromise is; you don’t get to do your #1 choice very often, because there’s other people involved, and most often you both settle on your #2 or #3 choice because they match up.
That said, if it’s your birthday, everyone needs to shut up and go where you want. That’s the fun part of birthdays - you get your #1 choice even if everyone else would rather do something else. (as long as you’re not a dick about it - don’t go to that steak house you’ve been dying to try if the other 3 people who are coming are vegetarians, for example)
I am detecting some possible annoyance or resentment that it seems like she feels her girlfriends’ opinions are more important to her than your opinion. That’s completely understandable. Where did you get the idea that a man is “supposed” to give in on these kinds of things?
I’m a chick, but I don’t see why one partner should always cave to the other on deciding where to eat. My boyfriend is a very picky eater who tends to like very bland food. We take turns picking where to go. Sometimes I go to a restaurant I don’t like because it’s his favorite, but in exchange for that sometimes he tags along with me to restaurants he doesn’t like because it’s what I want.
We also have an understanding here that when it’s your birthday, you get to pick the restaurant. It doesn’t make any sense to me to take the birthday person somewhere they don’t like if you’re supposed to be “celebrating” that person.
If I were you, I’d try to calmly discuss this with the folks involved and let them know that it’s really important to you.
Unless you’re turning 8yrs old, ‘it’s my birthday, I get to say!’, is kind of hard to pull off with dignity.
Sounds like you should be working the other wife to get on board. Call her up and tease her, “Whadaya mean stomach ache?”, then give her your best pitch and see if she doesn’t cave. It sounds like if you sway her she’ll deal with your wife. Problem solved.
Seriously, it is a bit of an annoyance - not so much that they’re more important than my opinion, but that it’s the only measuring stick; online or newspaper reviews don’t count either (unless it’s to back up a friend’s rec on her part).
I’ve been considering this, especially given the responses so far…my fear is that if they do begrudgingly agree to go, that the ladies will be predisposed to disliking the restaurant. Sad, huh?
One more thing…for anyone who’s eaten Korean food, how would you describe it to someone who’s never had it before? I’ve had a little Vietnamese (pho and banh mi) too, but my wife hasn’t.
Get some yellow construction paper (or similar) and make yourself a crown. Put it on and then tell your wife (in your most imperious English accent) “I am the grrreat Mixolydian!! I decree that tonight we dine on Korean BBQ. All those opposed to my wishes shall perish by bunga bunga!!” or some other cute nonsense. Make it playful, stick to your guns. You really can’t lose Korean BBQ is outstanding so it’s not like you’re dragging them out to eat dirt.
“what’s the use in a birthday if you can’t do what you’d like?”
IMO, this is the best option. Tell the others in a polite way that this is important, it’s your preference to go to the Korean restaurant, and if they don’t want to go, then to hell with them.
Personally, if they thought more of the restaurant than of me, I’d think less of them. Conversely, if I were the “other,” and I wanted to spend time with my friends, it doesn’t matter to me what type of restaurant it is. I can’t stand seafood, but I’d go to a seafood restaurant if the people celebrating were important enough to me. I might just have a salad, rather than the swordfish or orange roughy, but that’s less important than spending time with people I’d like to be with and celebrating a birthday.
Just reiterate your choice if it comes up again. If the friends gastro likes or dislikes comes up again. Just tell them to have something bland, like here’s an f’n bowl of rice and soya sauce knock yourself out.
The woman is acting like a 5 year old , it’s your birthday after all.
Wives are always sure that they could have done better, so she considers you to be a big compromise, and expects you to reciprocate by giving her veto powers over everything you want to do. With the exception of my wife, their assumptions are correct.
If everyone was happy to go to your 2nd and 3rd choices, I’d have more sympathy for the anti-Korean BBQ crowd. But to refuse three different restaurant destinations for your birthday is bullshit. You’re not being a prima donna to want some input into where you have a dinner in honor of your birthday.
I think you should tell your wife that you really want to go to the Korean restaurant, you’d really like it if she’d join you, and your friends can decide for themselves if they’d like to come too. Don’t get into any “but I always compromise!!” argument, just tell her this is what you want.
It’s your birthday. Doesn’t matter whether you are 8 or 80, YOU get this ONE day out of the year to do what YOU want to do, so don’t give in. Be a birthday bitch about it if you have to.
Korean BBQ is absolutely awesome and people who aren’t willing to give it a try are just ignorant.
Just ask your wife where she want to celebrate your birthday. And ask her if you can use your balls that night for about 10 minutes, if that’s OK with her.
I’m generally willing to compromise but not all the time. If I get my heart set on something then that’s what I’m going to do even if I have to do it alone. I’m not a dick about it I just tell people this is where I’m going to eat, if y’all don’t want to go we could meet up afterward for something. The people I hang out with generally don’t mind. From your tone it sounds like your top pick gets sidelined frequently, I’d say you’re due for a well-earned selfish choice, especially since your birthday seems to be the reason for the occasion. If the other couple doesn’t want to go they don’t have to.
- at least from the text, it was non-descript.