So, for this hypothetical, we will have to assume that you and your SO are not living together yet. But are still in an exclusive, committed relationship:
A: Sweetheart, why don’t you meet me at Joe’s Pub after work today? We’ll share an appetizer, a couple of drinks and then head back to my place for some alone time.
B: Hey, I was thinking maybe I could meet you at Joe’s pub today. And then afterwards, if you feel up to it, we could go back to my place for a while?
[Note: Do NOT need answer fast. Just posting this poll to see if they match up to my own anecdotal experiences. Plus settle a debate I was having with a friend today.]
I guess the title should read: “Respond agreeably too”. Sorry.
In the context of a relationship, I’d take B. A sounds too…ingratiating? Saccharine? Like he’s trying to sweet-talk me into something that he knows I don’t want to do.
Neither of them is objectionable, but “A” definitely implies that the guy expects to get laid. Not a big deal in a committed relationship, but I’d raise an eyebrow if it was a first date.
Why am I meeting you or you meeting me? Why aren’t we just meeting each other? B: Why are you asking to meet me there when I have no plans to go there?
C. Would you like to go to Joe’s Pub with me and come over after?
They both suck. A lot.
B is worse though 'cause he sounds like a pussy.
They are both super awkward if you are in a real relationship. B is less awkward. A is way too formal, and any mention of going back to his place is just weird. That sort of thing just works itself out. You don’t need a plan.
I would expect something like, “Hey, what do you want to do after work tonight? I was thinking Joe’s?”
Yes, this.
Another vote for what Rhiannon8404 said. I voted “other” in your poll.
Yeah, I think I articulated poorly the idea I was trying to get across. My friend and I were debating which is better: Confident and assertive? Verses, Considerate and polite:
Confident being something like: "Honey, put on a dress. I’m gonna take you dancing tonight.
“Considerate” being something like: “Would you like to go dancing tonight?”
The idea being that the later makes it easier for the lady to refuse should she not feel like going dancing tonight.
But then there’s confidence. Women love confidence.
Just ask if she wants to meet at Joe’s. Anywhere else you go that evening, you can discuss as it happens.
You’re confusing “confidence” with “being a controlling asshole.” Very different concepts.
If that’s what you were going for then it didn’t come across in the OP, at least not to me. Neither Option A nor Option B involves asking me if I want to go out at all or to Joe’s Pub in particular, although option A does at least phrase the invitation as a question.
Option B is telling me what to do without even committing to the plan – maybe this person is going to meet me at an unspecified time at the place they suggested? Or maybe what, I make a special trip someplace I didn’t particularly want to go in the first place and sit there alone until I get bored and go home? I would not be in a serious relationship with someone who pulled this weaselly crap with me.
All of your “invites” come across as “telling” someone else what to do. Women don’t like being told what to do. Neither do men. Or children.
Real people say things like “Do you want to do something together tonight? I was thinking about going to Joe’s. What do you think?”
Or you could say "i’m going to Joe’s after work. Would you care to join me?’ which of course risks rejection if the invitee has no interest in Joe’s or hates Joe’s or just has a hankering for Thai food.
Any man who tags on some kind of expectation of sex at the end of the invite before getting agreement to the first part of the invite is a total idiot and will probably be rejected out of hand. Regardless of how long the couple has been together.
I have no opinion on any of this, having been so long out of the game, but I am curious what you did for your anniversary. Tell us!
It’s a continual frustration that they released women with all this marketing hype, and then neglected to give you the operating instructions. It’s like you’re supposed to guess how to get them to do what you want.
God, both of these choices are awful. Gun to my head, I’d go with B.
Take the gun away and neither. If he’s my SO, just ask me to meet at Joe’s, then we can bang afterward. That’s all couples do is bang and watch movies, so no need to state at the end of the invite “And then we will make the sex.”
Is there any particular reason you wouldn’t be considerate and polite to your SO, or are you still trying to impress her with your confident assertiiveness?
… damn but did I have a Basque reaction… to the heart through the stomach indeed…
“Why the hell are you inviting me to eat out if you want us to end up at your house right after? Let’s go to your house and eat there, you idiot!”
Actually, given that I normally had better kitchen facilities than my exes, we would have been more likely to be at my place.
The fuck? I can only hear the “confident” option as a sort of Mad Men joke - which could be funny, I suppose. If this was said to me unjokingly I would want to elbow that person in the face. You’re not taking me anywhere, you creep :dubious: “Women love confidence” my arse, women love being treated like human beings with agency who take themselves places.
The “considerate” option is no such thing, it’s just a normal question. It’s only considerate in context, like if you know the person you’re asking has been wanting to go dancing and finally has time. You get zero consideration points for the ability to phrase questions, that’s just expected from human beings of average intelligence.