My lady friend and me communicate pretty well overall - mainly, I think, by being explicit about what we want and how important/unimportant it is to us. So we seem to accomodate each other well and get to enjoy the time we spend together (which is ~ 2.5 days/week).
One thing that stumps me is deciding together on issues where
- she voices no preference and
- I have no preference whatsoever, i.e. where in my view any difference in the alternatives’ utility is much smaller than the cost of wasting time in discussion
i.e. where I would like to do (A or B) together, but am utterly indifferent as to whether it’s to be A or B this time. When I decide such things for myself only I simply go for the first thing that comes to my mind, as putting thought into it would be pointless.
Things that i have tried:
[li]“I have no preference - you can choose whether we go on Saturday or Sunday” - often does not lead to a speedy resolution, also sounds like I am indifferent to going at all.[/li][li]agreeing to everything she says, on the assumption that the last thing she said was really her preference - risks to look really weak, also the subtext ‘let’s stop talking already’ tends to surface which is not a good thing: "Shall we dine at the new vegan restaurant? Sounds good. Let’s go. Or, as the weather is fine, at a beer garden? That would be lovely. Or stay in and make spaetzle with lentils? I revel in your cooking. Aren’t you interested in our meal at all? I am, but Buridan’s ass starved and it looks like we will too.[/li][li]handing her a coin to toss - did not seem to go over well. Did not repeat.[/li][li]faking a preference - carries the risk that she did in fact have another preference.[/li][li]explicitly agreeing to take turns in deciding - works well in regular things (DVDs to watch, sex positions), not in one-offs.[/li][/ul]
Ladies, gentlemen, what works in your relationships?