People who ask for what they want in non-obvious ways

Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
1

Have you ever had someone ask you for something, but do it in a way that makes it totally unclear what they want? Share your stories.

Last month I was going on a trip. I was going to leave for work, so I showed up with a couple of suitcases. They were heavy, so I wasn’t terribly mobile.

I got to work and first went to the coffee cart. The way it is set up, from right to left, is this: Refrigerator, coffee, donuts, muffins, chips, fruit, and cashier. Any place past the donuts is an easy place to hand money to the cashier. So I went to the fridge and got some milk, then to the donuts to get some cereal (which is on top of the donut case). I then took a step to the left so I could set my stuff down and get some money out of my pocket. The cashier was off doing something, probably making coffee. Two people got in line behind me. The second was an older woman.

Her: “Sir, please move down to the cash register.”

Me: “I’ve got exact change, so I’m ready to pay.”

Her: “Sir, please move to the cash register!”

Me: “The cashier will be here soon.”

Her: “Sir, I’m IN A HURRY!”

Me: “Oh, then go around me. I don’t mind.”

Her: “Sir, you need to move down! I’M IN A HURRY!”

Me: “Feel free to go around. I don’t want to hold you up.”

Her: “Sir, you are obviously new here. The procedure is to get your coffee and then move in the line to the cash register. I’M IN A HURRY!”

She was getting really rip shit. It was probably made worse because I was in a really good mood and so treating her with extra kindness. But I wasn’t going to stand where she told me to, mostly because with my suitcases and stuff, it was hugely inconvenient.

The cashier finally came back, and I paid and left. The exasperated woman rushed to where I was standing, grabbed a muffin, paid for it, and swore at me.

If she’d just asked if she could grab a muffin, she would have spent the day in a better mood.

2

I walk into the hair place yesterday. A stylist shouts from the back “We’ll be right with you.” So I sit in the waiting area for about 5 minutes. Then the stylist’s customer finishes, pays, and leaves. The stylist stands at the register.

“What’s your name?”

I stand up and tell her. She punches it into the computer.

“Please have a seat and I’ll be right with you.” :slight_smile:

I walk around the desk to the chairs but there are, like, 10, so I stand there waiting for her to clarify where her station is so I can sit down. :confused:

“Please have a seat and I’ll be right with you.” :dubious:

“OK.” :confused:

“Please have a seat, sir.” :mad:

“WHERE?!”

“There!” She points to the waiting area.

“Ohhhhhh…” :smiley:

3

Many many moons ago when I was a pup with my first apartment.

I had an ex-friend who had gone around telling everyone we knew all kinds of untrue things about me, about my “fast living” and all the partying I did, in an effort to “win” all of our mutual acquaintances. Please note that ex-friend was running around with some people with pretty serious drug habits at the time; I was an occasional social drinker/smoker.

Fast-forward a few months, and said ex-friend shows up at my apartment with “cool” uncle in tow. He was an older guy (looking back, probably late 20s or early 30s) who lived in Dallas, very nice guy that would often hang out with the teenagers when he was in town. (No, not like that. He just found the teens a lot more entertaining than the rather boring and somewhat crazy adults in the family.)

I thought it was odd that they were standing at my door, but I invited them in and we sat around and chatted for a good half-hour or more. Friend mentioned several times that uncle couldn’t drink because he had hepatitis. Much bemoaning of his fate and so on. I sympathized, still wondering why they were in my apartment. Eventually they left.

Found out later that they were trolling for weed, and ex-friend was now telling everyone how stupid I was for not getting them some. :smack:

Well, if you’d asked, I could have probably found some for you. I didn’t have any, but I probably knew someone who did. Not being the drunk that you were, I didn’t make the automatic connection between “can’t have alcohol” and “must have dope”. :rolleyes: Still don’t know why you came to me, but whatever.

4

redtail, that’s such an odd story. Not only because the ex-friend didn’t actually ask you for anything, but also that he thought he could ask a favor of someone he badmouthed so much.

Sounds like a winner.

5

me: Walk into strip club.

waitress by door: “Would you like a table?”

me: “Sure.”

waitress: “Follow me. Will this work?”

me: “Sure, thanks.”

waitress: setting down cocktail napkin “What would you like to drink?”

me: “I’m not thirsty, thank you.”

waitress: dirty look, grab cocktail napkin, stomp off.

me: :confused:

She didn’t ask if I wanted a drink, she asked if I wanted a table. Now I didn’t really need a table, but I sure wanted a chair, and they tend to come in the vacinity of tables. So yes, I want to sit down. No, I don’t want to order a drink. Why are you pissed at me for your lack of clarity?

me: walk in door

waitress: “Would you like a table?”

me: “No thanks.”

waitress: “What, you don’t want a place to sit?”

me: :smack:

6

I’ve never been to a strip club, but I understand that you’re expected to buy some overpriced alcohol in exchange for looking at naked ladies.

7

Yeah. It was very, very strange. Not someone I really miss much. :smiley:

Yup, that’s it. A lot of strip bars have a minimum number of overpriced drinks that you must purchase. This is in lieu of a cover charge, basically.

8

My mother is the Queen of Not Asking Directly. Many, many times I have totally missed the point of some long convoluted story whose main purpose and point was “could you go get a roll of paper towels from the basement, please?” I wish I could give an exact example, but they sort of make my brain bleed so I forget them, but here’s a rough approximation: “I read an article in the newspaper the other day that mentioned this really soft kind of dried mango that was easy to chew that they carry at Trader Joe’s. Mary at church said her doctor recommended eating mango for the vitamins. I never knew they carried dried mango.” This translates (among normal people) to “Could you look for the Soft and Juicy dried mango at Trader Joe’s next time you are there and pick some up for me?” Or the classic one…a McDonald’s commercial comes on, and she says, “Boy, it’s been a long time since I’ve had McDonald’s fries” in a not-terribly-interested tone of voice as I’m leaving the house. Then later, I get a phone call from my sister three states away saying, “Could you buy Mom some fries on your way home, I think she’s craving some and she says you never listen and you rush out the door too fast.” Now I know why my dad would gripe about having to be a mind-reader!

Drives me to drink, it does…

9

I can’t really think of any of these, but I have reason to suspect that I’m almost completely oblivious to people hinting around at getting me to do something.

10

The mother-in-law. She’s pretty great for the most part, but this… I still remember a trip to a wedding with the in-laws a few years ago and shudder.

First day in the wedding city, we (my wife, her parents, and I) are headed back from a relative’s house to our hotel. FIL is driving. MIL notices we’re approaching a Wendy’s.

MIL: “Ooooh, would anyone like a Frosty?”
(pause)
Me: “Not for me, thanks, I’m fine.”
FIL: “Not me.”
Wife: “No thank you.”
(pause)
FIL: “Would YOU like a Frosty?”
MIL, hunching her shoulders and talking in a meek little voice: “No.”

A few minutes later, we’re back at the hotel. We’re walking across the parking lot, FIL says something or other completely innocuous, at which point MIL barks at him something like “I wanted a FROSTY! Why didn’t you STOP?!”

W T Effing F? For the love of all that is holy, why would you do this? It’s not like it would have caused a big delay, it’s not like we had anywhere to be, it’s not like we were already running late for something, and it’s not like we’re a bunch of strangers or mere acquaintances. We’re the closest family she has, we all love each other- did she think we’d all be pissed off if she said “I’d like a Frosty- let’s swing through the drive-thru” or something? Yeah, maybe FIL should have read between the lines…no, bullshit on that. It was her fault for creating lines to read between when there was no need to. He frickin’ asked her directly if she wanted to stop. She did. And yet she answered “No.”

I’ll skip the details, but there was a very similar episode a couple of days later.

I will never, ever, ever, ever understand this.

11

Thanks Og and Ogette, my brother is not totally dumb. He fell in love with and married a woman who’s in many ways closer to being my mother’s daughter than I am, but unlike Mom, SiL is still young enough to be trainable (Bro has been getting his own training for her, of course, and it’s not like SiL is all bad, it’s only that the bad parts are more fun to talk about and the good parts and me are from different planets).

One of the things Mom does and SiL used to do is ask for “some gloves” for a present. If you ask for their size or, better yet, a pair you can take to the store to use as a sample, they get angry: you should know! Bless your heart, honey, I don’t know my own panties size and I’m supposed to know your hand size? Anyway. Turns out it wasn’t just “some gloves”, or even “some black gloves” or “some black leather gloves”. NOOOOO. It was a very-specific pair of gloves seen in the window of a very-specific store, but how were we supposed to know that? (Oh, we later found out those specific gloves had sold hours after being placed in the window, before SiL had asked for “some gloves” - so they weren’t even available, if we had been able to read minds).

After the first Christmas, Bro had a Conversation which resulted in his wife reserving any items like that. Now she asks for “the gloves I’ve reserved in this store”. Much better! Thank you!

Mom, on the other hand, gets asked “some gloves, a specific pair of gloves you’ve seen, or some gloves you want me to shop for with you?” If she says “some gloves” and doesn’t like them, tuff luck. Last Mother’s Day Littlebro got her a new clock for the kitchen which is much more in his decoration style than hers; she was the only person who got surprised about the stylistic choice. It still does look nice where it goes, too, so she’s not allowed to complain and it has already been decided that if the clock outlasts her, it will go in his kitchen.

12

My mil is bad like this. It’s impossible to shop for her, because she’ll ask for things like “something crafty.” I know she likes to craft, but does she want something hand crafted by someone else, or something for her to craft, and if so, what kind of craft, etc?

13

I think she means the Artful Dodger. He sure was something crafty.

14

This is a language that I call Womanese. Not all women speak it, but I’ve been trained to understand it. This is after many many times of a girlfriend asking me if I wanted something from Dairy Queen, and me saying not really, and her getting mad at me for being so insensitive.

15

I don’t play that game, and I don’t participate in any aftermaths if someone is trying to play that game on me and they didn’t get their damned frosty because they wouldn’t say anything when they were asked point blank about it, and I think more men need to be calling women on this bullshit game. (And, as you may have guessed, I’m not fond of the term “Womanese” either. :slight_smile: )

16

I HATE HATE HATE that, my wife does it sometimes, and we sort of have trained each other so I can understand her half the times she asks for things this way, and she can forgive me the other half.

But it was not easy.

17

Haha. I totally get that when MIL asked if anyone would like a frosty, that was code for, “omg, I want a frosty!”

BUT when NO ONE else said they wanted one, well she can’t say SHE wants one because now she’s the only dang one who’d want one and she’d make eeeveryone stop for ONE frosty and perhaps since no one else wants one ANYWAY that really means they’d think she was a big ol’ pig, too.
I get that. :smiley: I wouldn’t get pissy and ask why FIL didn’t stop, though.

18

Generally I hate being expected to read someone’s mind in a case like this. But with regards to my wife, I’ve tried to infer these things more often. Cuts down on the arguments, save for more important topics, and makes for a more peaceful atmosphere for all of us.

19

I have an acquaintance who is incapable of stating what she wants, and instead relies on manipulation to get what she wants.

For example, if she gets it into her head that she wants to eat at a certain restaurant and she suspects people may disagree with her, she’ll do something like say “Uh, I have to go to the bathroom- let’s just stop at this restaurant for a minute and duck in. Yeah, I saw the public bathroom but I think this one might be clearer. It’ll just take a sec. Oh, well, we are already here, we should just eat here. I mean, it’d just be easier, right?”

Sometimes after we eat she’ll let you “Yeah, I really wanted to eat there because I like their cheesecake.” or something like that.

Drives me nuts.

20

It’s a recognized phenomenon: Deborah Tannen gives examples very much like the Wendy’s Frosty one in some of her works on different communication styles of men and women.