Does anyone else feel frustrated and annoyed when others refuse or forget to be courteous when responding to a question, sometimes on a continual basis?
Examples include:
Not saying “how about you?” after you ask them how they are, not wishing you a pleasant weekend or holiday and not saying “what about you?” when you ask what they got up to yesterday evening.
Perhaps I’m blowing this out of proportion, being offended by something that other people just ignore or fail to notice, but it gets on my nerves. It takes very little time and effort to be polite, even if you have no interest in what that person has to say.
I have the impression that a substantial portion of the time when someone asks you “how are you” that it’s just meaningless chitchat and they aren’t really interested in how you actually are. This is why it is very common to respond “fine”, even though you don’t feel fine at all.
You mean I am wrong about this and should stop responding with fine and instead I should be responding with a complete list of my problems?
I agree that most of the time saying “how are you?” is just small talk to pass the time, but surely saying something as simple as “you?” after “fine” takes little to no effort, even if you aren’t actually interested in how they are.
You’re talking about small talk. Now I know intellectually that small talk is a social lubricant and that silence can seem unfriendly if it goes on for very long. But I am very bad at it, it makes me uncomfortable for some reason. I can usually manage to squeeze out a “Fine. You?” but if it goes beyond that I don’t know what to say.
So I’m not sure that not participating in that kind of small talk counts as rudeness. Let’s say it’s an open question.
On the other hand, yesterday I held the elevator door open for a young woman who did not thank me, and later in the same day a different young woman held the door for me but did not respond when I said “Thank you.” I count both of those as rudeness. It seems to be a pattern where a large number of young people at my place of work act as if I don’t exist. My reaction to this is usually not anger, just unhappiness.
Roddy
Nah. What annoys me is when i ask them they are doing, and then they really proceed to tell me how they are doing. The only correct answer is “Fine”. I don’t care to hear any other answer.
But you you going on about it makes me suspicious that you’re waiting for the next person who responds with, “I’m fine. How are you?” to unload with everything that ails you. And until then, you’ve gotta keep it all bottled up.
I appreciate that it must be difficult and maybe even painful to be so burdened. Because I don’t know who you are, you could very well be any of the people I pass who ask me how I’m doing. I don’t have the time to listen to your issues, so you’ve convinced me that my best course of action from here on out is to flash a quick smile, say “Good!” and be on my way.
Well, the truth is, I don’t really care what you got up to this weekend or holiday. And I don’t really want to tell you what I got up to either. You don’t care either, you’re just being nosy.
This doesn’t mean, btw, that I don’t like manners or politeness. But I don’t think it’s necessary every time to ask “and you?” after these questions. I always say please and thank you, hold doors open, etc. This one is usually answered with “Great!”, so you know,
“How was your weekend?”
“Great!” with a big smile. That means a) I had a good weekend, b), I am responding to you, c) I am here with a smile, ready to work.
Normally I’d just respond with “fine thanks” and appreciate the pleasentry. Even if there was something that I wanted to talk about, I’m unlikely to do so with an acquaintance.
By holiday I mean a vacation with family or friends. When I’ve said “have a great time in insert destination here” to a colleague three months ago, I don’t expect them to just say “bye” when I leave on a Friday afternoon, knowing full well that I have two weeks leave from work to go to Florida with my wife and kids.
Work reception in a Doctor’s office for long enough and you learn not to ask 'how are you" or respond “and you?” when someone else asks the question. There are things I just don’t need to know.
Are you seriously annoyed by such things? Like, really?
I cannot possibly imagine living with this level of extreme sensitivity to such a minor thing. Are you next going to post a Pit thread about your pet being a total bitch because of the way it looked at you this morning?
The stuff in the OP is small-change bullshit. The stuff that pisses me off is stuff like:
… when someone passes through a swinging door ahead of me, and I am laden down with all kind of gear, and instead of taking an extra second or two to hold the door open for me, they just let it swing closed in my face.
… when the elevator door opens, and people rush to get on without giving anyone already on a chance to get out.
Well, yes, in this case I would say “Have fun in Florida!” In the case of people who don’t, they might be jealous, or irritated about the amount of work they have to do, or just plain have forgotten you were going! Never attribute to malice what can be attributed to stupidity!
If they are being malicious about it, that’s rude.
But I always say, the only person you can change is you - so why don’t you make yourself stop caring? Seriously. You are going to Florida for two weeks! (In this example). You presumably have a happy family and kids! Who cares if your coworkers don’t wish you? Are you not going to have a good time because it’s too busy rankling in your soul?