Where did all the good manners go ?

The BBQ Pit
1

I don’t know a whole lot about proper etiquette or having perfect manners, but it seems like the world is going to hell sometimes.

I was at the store earlier today. First, I was pushing my carriage towards the line and a guy literally ran right past me, bumping my cart to reach the checkout before I did. He didn’t apologize or anything. As I was leaving the store, my arms were full of packages and the woman in front of me couldn’t be bothered to at least hold the door until I got there, it slammed right in my face.

Over the weekend at Wal-Mart, the carriage collecting guy stood there staring at me in the parking lot, impatiently while I unloaded my bags, then grabbed the carriage, just as I was reaching for the last bag.

We had friend over this weekend. I have been friends with the woman for almost 20 years, friends with her husband for 10. He fell asleep on my couch. I asked the wife if he wasn’t feeling well and she said no, he falls asleep every afternoon at about that time. I’m not sure if this is rude or not, but if I was visiting a friend, I wouldn’t think it was polite to fall asleep while we were all talking in the living room.

When I know I’m having guests, I greet them at the door and go down to help them unload their car if they’ve brought a lot of things, with kids and whatnot. But, when I visit other people, I’m on my own. I end up knocking on the door, loading down with everything myself.

Once, we’re inside, a few friends go about their normal housework, leaving me alone while they do the laundry or something. When I’ve got guests, the laundry can wait, I want to enjoy their company.

I don’t know if I’m too sensitive or what. I know that I teach my kids to wait patiently in lines, and hold open doors for people, my son will even offer to help if he sees and elderly person carrying their bags at the stores.

WTF ?

2

Good for you teaching your kids proper manners.

I agree that manners are going down the tubes, and it is a crying shame. However, the stories you just shared are almost shocking! You should have declared shame on them right out loud for that kind of behavoir.

My husband is probably the most mannered person I know. From discussions with him and just watching him interact with me and other people, he really makes me appreciate good manners. He even taught me the value of saying “bless you” to people when they sneeze, even though we are both atheists.

3

I’ve been wondering the same thing lately. Is there no etiquette anymore?

One day last week I was in the beauty supply store shopping, and I noticed a rack of items that were labeled for sale. There was a big orange sign on the display rack that said 50% off in big black letters. Anyone would have taken that to mean the stuff was on sale. I had one of the items with me at the checkout and I asked the girl about the price. She informed me that it was not on sale. I told her that it was on the rack, but she wanted to argue about it. So, I asked to speak with the manager who was just as rude as you can imagine. She actually walked away from me while I was speaking to her, and of course, she refused to give me the discount even though it was clearly marked.

After that, I was waiting in a line of cars at an exit ramp that was jammed with traffic. As I got further up the line I noticed that several cars were flying past the line and then trying to merge at the last minute. That pissed me off. If it weren’t for people like that, we might not have had the traffic jam.

As soon as I turned off and started driving home, I noticed a car wanting to get in front of me so I slowed down and let him in. Did he give the thank you wave? No, he sure didn’t. I mean, I didn’t have to let the asshole in front of me, but I was trying to be civil. I think the least he could do is give the little wave. As an experiment I thought I’d let someone else in front of me later on down the road, and again, no thank you wave.

I realize these are little things to some people, but those little niceties make life a little more pleasant.

4

Out of curiosity, you are calling ahead to let these people know you’re coming, right? It would be rude to drop in unannounced and disrupt their routine.

5

Yes, I don’t live close by anyone, so it’s always arranged as a day trip and they invite me. If I ever do drop by anyone’s house, I don’t expect much.

6

Recently I discovered the books of Washington Post colum-writer Judith Martin, a.k.a. Miss Manners. Over 200 columns can be read on the website of the Washington Post, if you register (for free).

Do you feel your’re the only one left who seems to take hospitality serious? The last of the gentle(wo)man in traffic? Do you feel like a doofus for taking the feelings of others into account, when the others dont seem to reprocicate?

If so, I recommend reading Miss Manners. Seriously. Her fountainpen douses the bad-mannered in lavender-scented vitriol. She teaches the Gentle Reader how to shame spouses, kids, family-members and co-workers into better manners, without them even knowing what hit them. She shows you that being polite and being a doormat are, contrary to popular opinion, mutually exclusive. And she comforts us, when we have to deal with people where our only reward for remaining polite is that the situation won’t escalate.

Miss Manners doesn’t write about what silverware goes with what dish. Instead, she writes about the little everyday social encounters. Encounters that so often, afterwards made me cringe and worry how something I had said would be interpreted. I recognized *every single situation * she described in her book “The Right Thing To Say” as one I had encountered myself. And I made more then half the mistakes she describes. (Do YOU know what to say when asked to admire a butt-ugly baby?!?) I felt my cheeks redden with shame as I read the book. But I couldn’t put the book down. It was just too well written and too bitingly funny.

Highly recommended.

7

You expected politeness and social graces at Wal-Mart? Hahahahhahahahahahahaha :wink:

Wait, what’s wrong with “gesundheit?” :confused:

8

Nothing, is better than kronkheit=)

9

Walter?

10

Isn’t that German for “bless you”?

I actually don’t know. How does it translate?

11

I think it just means “health.” Similar to the Russian sneeze response, “bud’ zdorov,” which means “be healthy.”

12

Maastricht -I love Judith Martin because she takes the idiocy out of etiquette.
For me, being courteous simply means treating the other person as I would like to be treated.
Kindly and with civility.

13

It’s used as we use “Bless You,” but litera

14

Germans use “Gesundheit” as we use “Bless You,” but literarally translated it means “health-ness.”

15

Whoa, just unintentionally boosted my post-count there. I had mistakenly hit enter, but managed to hit the “stop” button before the new page loaded. How the heck did it still post even after I hit “stop”?

16

For some reason that one really chaps me! It happened to me as SkipMagic and I were walking into a play right behind a family of three (Mom, Dad, and college-age Daughter). The guy didn’t bother to look and see that I was two feet behind him, and was letting the door close on me, so I YANKED it back open, causing enough of a breeze on his behind that he turned around. I smiled and said, “Thank You.”

Yes, I realize that rudeness does not justify counter-rudeness, but in the end, I decided that this was just The Rude Family and that they deserved a little comeuppance, because after they were seated for the play (in the row right behind us, taking up the three end seats in their row), a young man came along (well before the play started) and the usher asked the family to let him by, as he needed to get past them to his seat (towards the middle of the row).

They wouldn’t move to let him past. Instead, they each scooted one seat over, leaving the young man with the seat at the end of the row!

“It will be easier this way,” the Mother said.

The guy didn’t seem to care; he went ahead and took the end seat. But if I had a seat in the center of the row, and got to the play well before it started, and some rude-ass skanks refused to let me get to my seat, instead relegating me to the corner (especially if my name were Baby!), I’d walk on their laps.

17

Good for you being rude back. Or at least making the Rude Family aware of their rudeness.

18

Ardred and I are athiests, so he just yells “HEALTH!!!” when I sneeze, which makes me giggle.

19

Once you hit stop, it’s pretty much automatically submitted to the board; the rest of the delay is the new page loading with your reply on it, so stop just stops it from loading.

20

One morning just before the Christmas break last December, the traffic girl on the radio station I listen to went on a mini-rant about traffic manners. She commented on people not being kind and letting that merging motorist in, and then said, “and if you’re in your car right now and agreeing with me, then don’t forget to wave thank-you at the guy who just let you in.”

Instances of “tahnk-you waves” skyrocketed over the next week or so. :smiley:

And then people forgot again. :dubious: