An acquaintance who works at a convenience store recently told me that he finds “how are you” from customers annoying and wishes that people would not ask. Why? First, he has 200+ interactions per shift, and getting asked that often is annoying. Second, he feels like he has to lie. The answer might be that he’s tired of standing up, or annoyed, or any state other than fine. Nobody really wants to hear it. It’s a meaningless social convention in the context of a quick, cash register transaction.
I’d like the perspective of those in retail/groceries/convenience stores, now or previous. What is your opinion on a customer asking how you are during a transaction.
My perspective is that it never bothered me, but I’d like to know what everyone else thinks.
These days I only throw it out as a return courtesy when asked first by an employee. I know it is just pro forma customer service chatter, but I figure I might as well reciprocate if we’re gonna do that dance. “How are you doing today?” “Oh, fine. And you?”
Since they started it, I figure I’m off the hook for accusations of discourtesy .
As a counter employee back in the day I didn’t usually lead with it - I was more of a sunny “hello” sort. But it might pop up occasionally. But no, I wasn’t particularly offended being asked it. The usual response of “fine” from me encompasses everything from okay to still drawing breath, I guess, so I never felt like it was a lie. Occasionally I might be semi-honest and toss in something like “a little tired, it’s almost the end of the shift” said in a friendly tone.
I’m annoyed by the reverse. I walk into a store (when such things were possible) and the staff greets me with a “How are you?”. I’m thinking, ‘What the fuck do you care? Are we friends?’, but I simply respond “Thanks”, and proceed to ignore them until and unless I need their help.
Is your friend a native English speaker? Does he imagine that the greeting “how are you?” is a request to inspect your medical records?
Along with “how’s it going”, “how are you doing”, “what’s up”, and many others, there’s no implicit obligation to provide any answer at all. Or if you want to maintain the formalism of the question-answer structure, just “good” is perfectly adequate, and will not be assumed by any neurotypical person to have any semantic content.
I think the only difference between these greetings and just “hello” is that maybe they are more open, perhaps they are slightly more invitational and set up an opportunity to enter into some small talk if you choose to do so, but certainly no obligation.
It would seem very rude to just start demanding service without at least greeting the person first.
Does your friend also think that saying “please” and “thank you” is also annoying? All transactions would go much faster if people stopped with all the polite bullshit and just got it over, but I would think that would be really depressing for the worker.
As a customer, I generally try to reply to the clerk/cashier in a way that doesn’t leave them flat when they have to utter their required pleasantries. Often in a brutally frank but humorous way, this often relaxes them and even makes them laugh.
“How are you today?”
Me: “Ehhh. Most people find me tolerable, so far as I can tell”.
“How is your day going so far?”
Me: “Dunno, the day is young. I just got up not an hour ago” ( it’s around 1PM…late riser due to my work schedule )
"So…what have you got planned today?
Me: “Lessee…some quality time with a lawnmower, then a shower and a coupla’ boilermakers”.
( Plunking down a small bottle of whisky on the counter )
“Will that be all for you?”
Me: “Yah. Just something for the drive home”.
So far, the responses match my expectations. Asking “how are you” is a rote phrase that is used out of courtesy.
He’s cranky (also a native speaker). I think he just finds it artificial.
This reminds me. My husband chided me once for not saying “thank you” after I finished ordering at a busy drive through. What’s the verdict on that? Thank you at the speaker and at the window(s)? I was just thanking people at the windows.
That is my goal as a customer. I often don’t really want to interact with the clerk, but I do try to acknowledge that there’s another person in front of me, and I’m not just feeding money into a slot. I usually try to make less personal “meaningless” chit chat, like “it looks busy today” or these days, “thank you for your service”.
I usually go with a “hey, how’s it going?” I don’t expect anything more than a generic response, but do appreciate it if they want to give me more, like the grocery clerk who said “living the dream.”
I had a brief stint, when I was an undergrand, in the service industry. You often get people who inflate their own sense of self-worth by trying to act superior to people with a service job, regardless of that service job. It’s often a shit job to have.
As a result, I am unswervingly polite to anybody serving me. I don’t drag them into conservations they don’t initiate, but I acknowledge them as a human being (even with only a bit of eye-contact and a “hello!” and a hint of a smile), but my answers to socially rote questions, a bit @BrickBat, will frequently go offscript. I find myself thinking briefly about the question, and then giving it a sincere (if maybe slightly humourous) answer.
In the case of your grumpy clerk, if I got a whiff of fatigue or hostility, well, I certainly wouldn’t be dragging things out any further than required. Frankly, I don’t really often want to talk either.
Not saying “thank you” to the drivethrough may or may not be rude, but I would. It just ties into being unswervingly polite. It may also make their day a millislice better. I’m sure I’m occasionally mocked for such rote politeness, but I don’t mind. I’ve been mocked for worse than that, too.
It never bothered me in the least when I worked retail. It was much nicer than the people who refused to look at me and barely acknowledged my existence. Never mind the few who didn’t even want to hand money to me directly and would throw it on the counter.
Every morning I get my coffee at the Dunkin’ drive thru. I always thank the person who took my order at the speaker, and I also thank the person who gives me my coffee (and takes my money) at the window.
I have been a service worker in various businesses my entire working life. I don’t ask “how are you?” because it is empty. Unless the person asking you is your doctor, your therapist or your mother, they really don’t care. What they mean is “hello.” Why not just say hello?
I think you reply in kind to the service person. If they say “How are you?” then you do the social dance. If they say “Hello” you respond in kind.
If they do anything for you, you use please and thank you liberally. Don’t be a douche.
.